Down the Mudslide
Another negative this morning. I crawled back into bed, pulled Sheepie into my arms, and fell asleep. When my alarm went off I turned it off and fell back asleep. Den got up to take a shower and I just stared at the ceiling for fifteen minutes. When I finally got into the shower I started crying silently. I’m preparing myself for the worst. I cannot see this coming out with good news in the end.
What is so wrong with me? I always thought getting that embryo would be the challenge, and after that it would happen the way it’s supposed to. But if I can’t get pregnant with a good quality blast, what does that mean? Shit luck, or something more?
We’re left wondering if Devin really was some kind of miracle.
It’s a 50-50 chance that it sticks right?
Damn, that 50 seems like a big number either way :(
Actually, with blasts it’s over 60. But yeah.
Oh honey. I’m so sorry. You know I fall on the side of shitty luck, but really — that and a couple bucks gets us a coffee, you know? Not like it makes us feel any better.
Consider yourself hugged.
Sorry Sweetie! I am sure you’re not out yet. Didn’t you say you had a late + before? Thinking of you!
It’s only Tuesday and possibly a bit early to tell yet. Just give it a couple of days and see. I’m still praying for you.
Hang in there Natalie- I know it must be excrutiating right now. But you yourself said you didn’t see a BFP for Devin till 13dpo, which is tomorrow. Fingers crossed for another late bloomer (Hcg-wise that is )!!!
first off nat, yes devin is a miracle. but that’s for another conversation :)
second, and i know you’ve heard it a million times–it’s early. you did not get your BFP with devin this early either. but, i know waiting sucks and you go through all the emotions and no matter what you will have doubt, anxiety, joy, excitement, all rolled into one…
Hang in there hun, it’s still really early. I am keeping up the good thoughts.
The shit thing about these cycles (or any cycle, of course) is that statistically they are all independent variables. So each cycle has its distribution, and the bastard doesn’t care and refuses to take into account previous history. Very rude of it, if you ask me. That when you put enough of them together, statistically they come out to the right fraction does us no good in the middle of each cycle, now does it?
Still hoping for a change of course this cycle. But if not, hoping that one of the frosticles does fall on the right side of the odds.
Thinking of you, sweets.
*hug* Thinking of you. It’s still early.
Fingers tightly crossed.
A favorite quote of mine: “Patience is doing something else in the meandwhile”.
I’m not always successful at doing that, but I do know it’s true. :)
(((HUGS))) I really still hope that the HPTs are wrong Natalie.
If they are not, something that gave me hope when we were doing IVF is that I met some people that never got a BFP with IVF, but did with FET. I had that experience, even though Molly died in the end. I have another neighborhood friend who has two living children from two separate FET cycles, but never got pregnant with a fresh IVF. I have heard some people say that FET isn’t as hard on our bodies as IVF and thus our bodies can be more resceptive to FET. Anyway, that gave me hope for our first FET cycle and since you do have two FE, I thought I would share. I know that Devin was from a fresh IVF, so you have had success with fresh IVF in the past. I also can appreciate that you would rather be pregnant now than have to try to find hope in the next step.
Continuing to wait with you for your blood test results on Thursday and remembering Devin with you as his birthday approaches. I am not sure if I have ever shared that March 6 is my birthday too, so I have always felt a special connection to your son for that reason. Hang in there.
Oh, hon. Hang in there. I feel for you so much.
Thank you for sharing this experience — all of your experiences — with us, your readers. You’re spreading more healing, more wisdom, more love, more lessons in patience and forbearance, than you could imagine.
Limbo just stinks. Nat, I know I haven’t been commenting, but I’ve been holding you all close and thinking of you constantly.
Hello,
I post in the April 2008 playroom sometimes (not often) on JM and have been posting their since it was a DDC…That’s how I found out about you’re story/blog. My heart broke for you when Devin passed :( I read your blog quite frequently, but have not commented: anyways I just wanted to say I am hoping and praying this is it for you…I also wanted to let you know something that may help feel a tiny bit better:
My husband and I are ttc #2 and while I was testing during the horrible 2ww last month and getting bfns at 11 dpo, 12 dpo etc.. I found out that the average woman does not get a bfp until 13.5 dpo! And that’s “average” so some women do not get a bfp until several days later…so I know it’s hard but try and keep your head up :)
Forever hoping for you!
Jessica
Devin WAS a miracle, I have come to believe that. Any baby who is born and gone too soon, leaving their parents with so much hope and too many emotions, is a miracle. I struggled with the idea too, but its what I have come to believe.
I’ve had grade 3 “perfect” blastocysts transferred that didn’t result in a BFP. There is only so much that grading embryos can do. I’m really hoping that this cycle isn’t a bfn. But if it is, I really hope its just shit luck. Because you’re getting to blastocysts, and that is in itself a good sign.
You’ve done it with Devin and I know you can do it again… please hang in there.
Everything I’m typing seems to be coming out wrong. I hope you know what I’m trying to say.
Hugs,