Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies

Natalie
From hopeful TTC, through infertility, IVF and the resulting pregnancy, this became a journal through grief and trying again after the loss of our first son, Devin, at 36 weeks. After multiple more IVF cycles we got pregnant with our second child, a little girl born healthy and alive in May of 2010. Our third child, a most unexpected surprise baby girl, was just born in June 2012!

» more about me

Resources:
- Glow In The Woods
  A central hub for baby loss bloggers
- Lost and Found and Connections Abound
  Daily news on the IF blogging community
- Mel's List of IF Blogs
  The sureme blogroll of all IF bloggers known to man, categorized
- October 15: Pregnancy Loss and Awareness
  Store for all things pregnancy loss awareness
- National Stillbirth Society
  An organization dedicated to researching stillbirth

Withdrawal

January 30, 2009 — 10:23 pm

I had 24 hours of no blog, no sites, no email. It felt like my hand had been cut off. All evening yesterday I was wailing every time I opened my browser, as it would try to open my custom page on my website and it came up with nothing. I couldn’t fix it, not right then. I couldn’t work on the websites I was in the middle of, I couldn’t post to my blog, and of course I didn’t want to do anything else.

It was just a simple billing issue (my debit card expired) and was fixed today while I was at work, on my BlackBerry, hastily typing away on it to get this fixed with the billing department so that I would have my sites back up by the time I got home. Light knows I couldn’t last another day without it, and… oh, light forbid not a whole weekend. I think I’d cry. Hard.

(If you haven’t noticed, I have a slight dependence issue. You don’t want to see me when the entire internet goes down. Oh it’s not pretty.)

In any case, it is fixed and my heart rate is slowly returning to normal.

The cycle is… going. I’m doing lupron injections. This time I said screw it and am skipping the ice. And honestly? The ice was worse than the injections, apparently. Or, as I told some cycle buddies of mine, maybe after three stims cycles and a pregancy my belly is numb.

I’m starting to have serious doubts about this ever working. It’s becoming harder and harder to believe in this turning out good.

Comments (4)

4 responses to “Withdrawal”

Marie says:

January 31, 2009 at 1:05 am

Don’t give up Nat! Just keep your spirits high…you’ll make Devin a big brother soon! I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts…as if you didn’t know that already!
sharah says:

January 31, 2009 at 10:43 am

First, I totally agree with the withdrawal. I feel like I am cut off from the world without my ‘net.

Second, I just want to give you a hug and offer you my support, no matter what happens. And remind you that your doubt will have no impact on the outcome, either way.
CLC says:

January 31, 2009 at 11:57 am

I feel the same way without the internet!

And wishing you luck this cycle. I have everything crossed for you that it works!
Brittanie says:

January 31, 2009 at 6:55 pm

Oh honey, I’m so sorry about how you are feeling emotionally. This whole thing is SO unfair. I’m praying so hard that this cycle works. I’ve been wondering about you. ((hugs)) for you!

~Brittanie from JM forums~