Today I spent all day sketching and drawing out plans for the house. I ended up taking a nap in the middle of the day, both because I was really tired and because I was really frustrated with how nothing was working together very nicely in my plans. It apparently helped, since in the evening I finally got things to click.

Architecture has always been a big love of mine. Some kids like dolls, some kids like cars. I liked books of floor plans. As a 10 year old I would sit there for hours going through books and planning out different houses. Over the years my vision has evolved. I couldn’t tell you exactly what I want, but there is a certain feel to things that I want. I know it when I see it.

So it was really exciting to see things materialize under my pencil, to feel that excitement of yes, this works! Not only does it fit most of my ideals, but I got it to fit within our constraints, too. I can see me one day walking into this master bedroom suite I designed. I can see it in my head. It’s practical and efficient without being “boring” and typical.

There are so many things we want to do with this house, I can scarcely imagine ever being done. My parents assure me that even after 30 years of improvements and remodelling it’s still not “done.” But I can feel things moving, I can see the big changes getting closer, and that just fills me with so much glee. With architecture being such a big interest of mine it has been so hard for me to live in this house. Yes, I have a house that we can afford, with a lovely yard. Yes, I’m very appreciative of that. But it is small. It was disgustingly dirty and outdated. Everything inside it was broken or malfunctioning. And to top it all of I knew this was our forever house. It’s the perfect lot in the perfect neighborhood. Upgrading this house is a lot more affordable than buying a new one. But boy did it kill me at times.

Even if it’s just lines on paper, it helps to see what’s possible. Just like planning for the baby that we will someday have… I can’t just focus on what I don’t have, I need to constantly remind me of what will come in the future. It gives me hope, and a desire to keep moving forward. At least with the house I can do something to make it happen.