Trigger
I actually feel better today than I did yesterday. I slept just fine last night (whereas the night before I was tossing and turning quite a bit due to the pressure every time I tried rolling onto my stomach – which is usually quite frequent).
It felt so monumental to be sitting there with my ovidrel tonight. I stared at the clear liquid contained within the syringe, wondering how such a small amount of something can be so hugely pivotal for so many things. Is the timing going to be the key? Is using the ovidrel rather than the hcg going to prevent OHSS for me? Such a big moment, but such a non-moment – it felt like any other daily injection, yet it wasn’t. We both stared at my belly for a moment afterwards. “So that’s it, huh?” I lay here, concious of – yet seemingly unconnected to – the processes that have been started within me.
We’re committed now. I know things can change, and change drastically in a short period of time, but once I got the go-ahead for the trigger shot the retrieval was set in stone. Tomorrow should be an easier day for me to get through than the last two, simply because I have a timeline now, I know what the next step is. It’s a relief.
Like KC reminded me, this whole cycle has been one huge hurdle after another: the insurance approval, the tight timing, and then overstimming and just trying to get to retrieval. The next big hurdle is THE big one: egg maturity and fertilization. The one I’m most worried about.
Still here, still waiting with you.
i like your insight. you see that bottle and you KNOW it is the key. it will unleash a series of events inside of you that are so friggin amazing, so life changing. but it’s just an injection, right :)
sometimes when i think about my current (and previous) IVF cycles i try to rewind to the beginning and then fast forward in my brain to a baby. it goes like this: i picture my eggs growing, getting crowded (admittedly not as crowded as yours though!!) and then i see them in the petri dish, i see them being fertilized. a single sperm being given permission to fulfill it’s life long destiny! then i can see the cell division, then it implanting…and then i see the embie grow into a baby. i usually see the pictures from those “week-by-week” pregnancy books. i think that if i can see it, it must be possible.
i am thinking of you, because right now my friend, we are standing on the edge getting ready to jump…and it’s good