On my way to work I called the insurance coordinator to let her know that the doctor’s office said the referral was in. And she said… she just checked, it was! She was submitting the pre-authorization right away. So it’s done. One week to spare. I’m so mixed about it. I want to be relieved, because it’s done and a week is enough time (I think)… but there’s that part of me that says a week is NOT enough time and we’re screwed. This is going to be a crap weekend, isn’t it.

I did manage to shelve most of it while I was at work, and did a respectable job of it, but by the time I got home I was exhausted both physically and emotionally, and this led to a nice big meltdown. The sobbing into a pillow kind of meltdown. Triggered because… something horrible happened? Bad news? Huge looming deadlines? No. My husband ate the leftovers. I was planning to eat them for dinner, and I came home and found that he had eaten them first. I lasted about two hours. Made myself some food, watched some TV, did my injection and daily pill-popping… and then I completely. Melted. Down.

Den at first attempted to comfort me, thinking something aweful must have happened to a friend or something. But then, then somewhere between “Ate my dinner!” and “STILL didn’t *hiccup* fold the *sob* LAUNDRY!!” he kind of lost me and ended up standing there very perplexed.

It all boils down to me being tired and very stressed out. Shortly after throwing out all those complaints at my husband it became pretty obvious to me, too. I feel very emotional – maybe the birth control pills are adding to the mix. It’s hard to sort out.

But the one odd thing that occurred to me after the fact was that this emotional breakdown today never, at any point, hit on the “my baby is dead” sorrow. It simply wasn’t a part of it. For 8 and a half months, every time I get upset – about anything – it ended with me sobbing with grief. Today was… just a meltdown. Frustration. Exhaustion. But no grief.

Time moves forward.