A poem to share
With analytic eyes
I wonder if it weighs like mine
Or has an easier size
I wonder if they bore it long
Or did it just begin
I could not tell the date of mine
It feels so old a pain
I wonder if it hurts to live
And if they have to try
And whether, could they choose between
They would not rather die
I wonder if when years have piled—
Some thousands—on the cause
Of early hurt, if such a lapse
Could give them any pause
Or would they go on aching still
Through centuries above
Enlightened to a larger pain
By contrast with the love
The grieved are many, I am told
The reason deeper lies —
Death is but one and comes but once
And only nails the eyes
There ’s grief of want, and grief of cold —
A sort they call “despairâ€
There ’s banishment from native eyes
In sight of native air
And though I may not guess the kind
Correctly, yet to me
A piercing comfort it affords
In passing Calvary
To note the fashions of the cross
Of those that stand alone
Still fascinated to presume
That some are like my own
— Emily Dickinson

You are always in my thoughts lady. You should spend Christmas doing what is right for you and I think it will do you good.
You will feel some peace one day. Writing, helping others, talking to people about your loss may help.
It hits me sometimes like a ton of bricks I am in that moment that day all over again, I do not understand why or what triggers it but then it passes because I remember I am still her mommy and I know she knew she was/is so loved.
Hugs!