Now is blackberry, now is not
My beautiful, awesome looking phone was delivered yesterday. It is being shipped back tomorrow. Broken. :( I try to charge it, it doesn’t charge. I pretty much assumed there was a problem, not something stupid I was doing, but called technical support. Stayed on hold for 20 minutes waiting to speak to a live person. Was finally connected, gave the woman my info, mentioned my problem and…. phhtttt the phone I was talking on shut itself off. Aggghhhh!!! I was not amused. Used Den’s phone to call back, had to sit on hold for another 20 minutes to get a live person. And yeah, it’s a problem, have to send it back. Grrrr. I have a pre-paid FedEx label to use and I’ll probably get the replacement monday, but STILL. I want it now! Sigh. I really like the look and feel of this phone… errr, crackberry. I really think I’m going to like it.
And just think, next time I can be emailing/blogging from the ultrasounds, appointments, and even from the labor room.
::
Today I called HR to clarify some things about the health insurance forms, then packaged them up and stuck them in the inter-office mail. I included a note about how I have some precedures coming up and am really hoping to get my insurance card/number as soon as my coverage starts. Next step is I have to forward all this info to the IVF insurance coordinator. I just have to wait for that magic number and we can kick the next stage forward.
Which is, oh, next week. Next tuesday is the day that my insurance coverage starts. Next week is when I need to start lupron. OMG. I feel… almost giddy. And I can’t begin to tell you how good that feels. Those who are further into BabyLoss Land probably know exactly what I mean, and those of you in BabyLoss Land who aren’t here yet probably can’t even picture the day. (And the rest of you, well, it’s hard to explain when you have no frame of reference.) But I feel like I have a glimpse of how it could be someday, when I don’t feel aweful all the time. Some real tangible evidence that one day I really will feel joy again. I won’t always feel terrible. That was the one thing I desperately wanted to know.
I cannot imagine my next child. I can’t. I can’t agree on any names with my husband, because I really just cannot picture this other child, a not-Devin. But that doesn’t mean it won’t come to be. I think, more than anything, what I have learned is to surrender to life. To awknowledge what I do not and cannot know, with the understanding and acceptance that some day I may understand. Some day I may not. But I am able to shelve these ideas and not worry about them, for it is not now. When it is now, then I will worry and think and plan. For the time being I will simply let it be. And I’m okay with that.
yea! things are moving right along. i am checking your blog often now since our cycles are almost identical. i liked what you wrote about where we all are in babyloss land. i am further down the road than you but i get it. it is hard to picture a not devin and i guess that is normal (not sure what qualifies me to judge what is and is not normal though…)
as for understanding i think you already do understand as much as you can. what happened happended. it is a freak thing and it sucks. totally and completely sucks. but it is what it is and i like your statement about letting it be. i like it because, ironically when i lost C’s twin bro D that became my song. “Let it Be” I would listen to it over and over. i still do and though i am two years out now…it takes me right back.
you are strong, driven, in touch, realistic, and you are a fantastic mother.
Yay for the insurance kicking in soon!
Positive thoughts, one step at a time.
That last paragraph really strikes me, Natalie. We ALL need to do that, even non-baby-losers (those lucky motherf*kers). DUDE, you totally need to submit something on that to EXHALE! We need that perspective!
That sucks that the phone had issues but I’m glad you’re getting another one. Actually I am completely jealous because I WANT a crackberry (he he) more than I can say but it’s not time to upgrade for another 8 months!! UGH!! Normally I wouldn’t care that much but the blackberry pearls (in pink!!) weren’t available when I got my last phone and came out a few months later; if only I’d waited. Oh well. Anyway, I hope the next one turns out better.
And I can’t wait to here all about the next cycle and most definitely am thinking the best of thoughts for its success.
Hey Nat,
I work in HR and we deal with Blue Cross/ Blue Shield. I get to enroll everyone, and I can promise that the day your eligibility starts, even if they cannot provide you with your actual card, they can provide your member id number, and sometimes even a temporary card!
Good luck! I’m hoping the absolute best!!
Oh thank you for that bit of info, Amber!!! You rock! :D