You know what is somewhat depressing in a weird way? When you get a bug up your butt to finally go through your medical records. So you pull out the envelope you’ve been saving for a rainy day and you finally get to see all the lab reports and IVF history they had in your file. And you realize… I already have all this written down. I flipped through pages looking for some lab report I didn’t yet have notes on… nothing. E2? Progesterone? Prolactin?? Have all the results, already written down, organized and filed by date. In fact… I think my IVF file contains more info than theirs. And mine is neater.

So much for seeing something life-altering in those files.

Even more irritating when you consider I took an hour to find this stupid envelope with my file copies in it. I did the thing where you start where you think it’s going to be, spiral outward with increasing frustration, start trashing your vehicles pulling everything out because maybe it’s lost in there, go back through the house with a flashlight looking under the damn couches and behind cabinets, and then… find it right where you thought it was going to be in the first place. On your desk. But it was a different color than you remember, so your eyes slid right past it the five times you looked on the desk. Yeah, that thing.

But one thing is missing from this file: the fertilization report. The one thing that I really wanted to see. Why wasn’t that in my file? Do they even have a fertilization report? This requires more research.