Tonight at a party I got into a long discussion with a family friend about politics and religion. He happens to be very conservative and Christian… I, of course, am extremely liberal and Athiest. But, despite what your first image may be of this discussion, it was actually very pleasant. He’s not the kind of person to talk over you or try to convince you by being loud and pushy – he listened to what I had to say and took the time to try to explain his position. It was really interesting to me. Even though I still disagree, I have always enjoyed the psychology of it all, the finding out others’ beliefs and motivations. Not just what they believe, but why they believe it. And I enjoy giving people things to think about – and being given something to think about. I do not go into these discussions to change someone’s mind… I go in to learn something about the belief system, and something about the person themselves. I find it fascinating. Frustrating, sometimes, but fascinating.

So I figured this would be a good time to finally do Glow in the Woods’ 6×6 for September.

1 | Do you feel as though a higher entity/supreme being/energy force has a presence in your life? What do you call it, and what makes you feel it exists?

Basically, no. In some ways I feel there is an “energy force” that surrounds us that is life itself, but I do not believe it is a being or entity or any time of sentient or organized thing. It’s just… life itself.

2 | Describe, in a word or two, the nature of your spiritual self before and then after the loss of your baby/babies.

This is a hard one because I don’t think my spiritual self has changed much. Before I knew things logically. After I had proof that it really was random and unexplainable and there isn’t a doubt in my mind.

3 | Do you pray, even if you wouldn’t call it praying? To whom? What for?

I talk to myself a lot, actually. Out loud, or in my head. I don’t believe there is anything listening. But I feel like I keep a running blog entry as I go about my life. In a lot of ways it’s habit. In another way it’s trying to remember things, I’m composing what to write down and keep. Sometimes I just have to say it out loud. Do I believe someone is listening? No. But for the same reason I blog: even if no one listened, I still need to write. I need to get it out of my head or it will explode. So sometimes I just speak it out loud, just to release it from inside me.

4 | Is there a particular line of scripture/teaching/sentiment that you find particularly helpful? Or is there one that’s commonly referred to but is unhelpful?

No, not really. There are some quotes that I like – like the one at the top of this blog. But it’s not that it really helps me work through things. It’s more that sometimes other people have said more eloquently what I feel. And I find pretty much any scripture unhelpful, since in order for it to have meaning you need to first believe in the god it refers to!

5 | Did your faith offer rites, rituals or teachings that acknowledged your baby and your healing? If not (or if you didn’t seek it out in an organized fashion), what rites, rituals or mantras have you adopted as your own?

Well, Athiesm is rather the lack of faith, so there are no prescribed rules or rituals or procedures. I did find that the concept of a memorial service was very helpful, even though it’s not something I would have expected for myself. It was non-religious in every way, but I simply needed people to show up and recognize our loss and our suffering. There is nothing else that we have adopted, really. Just little things that have meaning only to us, made up as we go along.

6 | Some people say that in a foxhole (a desperate, life-threatening situation), there are no atheists. You’ve been in a foxhole. Discuss.

Yes, I’ve been in a foxhole… and I still am an Athiest. I guess that whole idea is kind of shot to hell. But really, as I’ve talked about before here in my blog, I find my lack of faith comforts me. I do not need to reconcile my previous beliefs with this terrible thing that happened. I do not need to understand why a loving god would do this… I don’t need to come up with explanations. My belief is that there was no reason. Aweful things happen just by chance, and we just happened to be that person it happened to. Maybe that would make some people upset. I find my peace with it. We are not special. We were not singled out. We were not punished. It was a random pattern and we were on the wrong side of it. That is all.