Unexpected Trials
The past three weeks at my new job I have been in training at one location. I liked the people, I liked the place, I settled into a kind of comfort level with it.
Yesterday I stopped in to visit where I am going to be working as of next week. It was mostly good, the people do seem nice, and as a bonus the manager seems very flexible with scheduling and she even said that scheduling around doctors appointments and such (she used doctors appointments as an example) was not a problem and that she tries hard to make things work for her employees. This will be very helpful, come IVF. Plus she said they’ll certainly offer me more hours if I want them and they are available, allowing me to make a little extra and make up for any time off. This is all very good.
The bad part: babies. One is pregnant, one just had a baby, one just had a grandbaby. “All boys!” someone said with a sigh. “We need more girls!” Of course it’s all boys… I would expect nothing less. But the worst part didn’t really dawn on me until I left. They mentioned the full-timers have an assigned station. The part-timers, like me, float wherever they are needed that day. Which means I will be working all day long at stations covered in someone’s photos of a newborn baby boy. I saw them. A handful of baby photos, taped up around the work station.
I had known previously that there was going to be talk of babies, and I was preparing myself for that. But photos? All day long, plastered around the computer monitor that I am using? Oh no. No no no.
They, of course, do not yet know about my situation. I wasn’t planning to bring it up right away, but it appears I will have to mention it sooner rather than later. Maybe they will be able to take care to schedule me at stations without photos. It’s not like I want people to take down their photos. I don’t want to be that girl who walks in and everyone feels uncomfortable and needs to talk in hushed tones and put away photos – that’s not what I want. I just don’t want to be stuck staring at them all day long. That’s all. Just give me my own baby-free computer and I’m totally fine.
I just hate having to start that conversation. “I just wanted to let you know, my baby died.” Not how I really wanted to start my employment.
It’s times like these where I really think a “My Baby Died” t-shirt would could in handy.
I’m really so sorry. That’s just awful. I’d bring in a travel frame to throw up in order to block the view. Fill it with flowers, a hot looking movie star, or *your* baby. I couldn’t focus either. Maybe it’s time to suggest a permanent place for all the p/t’s to share and decorate neutrally.
Wouldn’t be great if someone else could go on ahead and tell them the story, answer all the questions and tell them everything you need? Do you have your manager’s email address? I found emailing people helped protect me when I got back to work. I could be specific about what happened and what I needed and then didn’t need to have the face to face awkward conversations.
Asking for what you need now is great preparation for motherhood and your next baby. If your baby needed something, of course you would do anything necessary, asking for whatever you needed. Here is your chance to practice now. I like the photo in a pinch idea that tash gave above. Maybe you could also bring a light scarf that you could pin up and cover the photos that are there.
It’s totally understandable about how you are feeling. I feel the same way when I see ultrasound pics, or a coworker who had her baby a few months ago and brought her in….about the same time I would have been due.