You now, I had a whole nother rant written up earlier today and I ended up stalling out in the middle of it. Don’t you hate that?

In the course of my rant-writing (which I usually accompany with much article-searching online) I found this article. Not exactly what I was looking for, eh? But it does make you think. A very interesting point about the WHO’s recommendation of no more than a 15% c-section rate – it appears to be an arbitrary number. Anyone have any explanation for the 15?

One thing that definitely troubles me about all the articles and data out there is the very real issue of under- and mis-reporting deaths. A baby who lives for several hours, but is reported as a stillbirth, for instance. I know that there is much MUCH missing data about stillbirths. Which is why, when asked if we wanted an autopsy to be done on Devin, we both said yes without hesitation. And no, I’ve never had regrets about that. Partially because I am not a religious or very spiritual person, so I don’t get bogged down in really worrying about happens to a person after they’re dead. But mainly because we wanted to know what happened, and we both feel very very strongly about research. You can’t solve the problem if you don’t know what the problem is. And no one is going to be able to prevent stillbirths from happening if we (people in general, that is – doctors, scientists, analysts, society) don’t know what’s causing them.

But anyways. It doesn’t feel like the AMA is trying very damn hard to protect their patients. If they wanted to protect patients they should be trying harder to make homebirth as safe as possible. By making it illegal for midwives to attend (which is very much the case in several states in the U.S. right now) women are forced to decide between a hospital birth or an unassisted homebirth. I bet a whole lot of those women would prefer to have a medical professional there and ready. To make choices by what’s BEST for them, not out of fear.

I hate that so many childbirth decisions are based on fear. So many of the women I know – family members, friends – when they talk about childbirth, whether it’s expected in the near future or not for a long time, say, “Oh I’m definitely getting an epidural… the pain scares me!” with a shudder. That troubles me. I honestly feel like they aren’t giving themselves the benefit of the doubt. Now if someone decides to get an epidural because they’re exhausted, or because they feel it will help labor progress, or like in my case where I wanted one because I was dealing with so much emotionally I just didn’t want to deal with one more thing, okay. I can respect that. But to decide simply because you’re afraid of the alternative? That makes me sad.

So it makes me extremely angry when I see scare tactics being used. On EITHER side. I get frustrated when I see people – or organizations – warning against home birth because it’s “dangerous” and “selfish” and whatver other mud they want to sling at it. If it truly was so damn dangerous you wouldn’t be seeing other countries doing it so successfully.

On the flip side, I’ve seen homebirth advocates being extremely nasty and negative towards hospitals… that checking into a hospital is as good as signing away your labor and all the nurses are plotting against you and you will be miserable and NEVER be able to have a positive experience there. (I had to be very careful about where I mentioned that I was planning for a natural birth in a hospital, because oh the negativity!) Does being in a hospital increase your chances for unnecessary interventions? Absolutely, I’ve seen plenty of evidence to support that. I also think that it IS possible to have a positive hospital experience. But you are not going to get it going in shooting daggers at everyone, not trusting your caregivers. You have to do your research. You have to choose a hospital that has a good track record, and good policies in place. You have to have a doctor/midwife that you really trust to take care of you. The last thing you want to be doing when you’re in labor is fighting with anyone about things, and I think it’s very important to have someone you trust taking care of you so that when they say something is wrong you will believe them.

Give me the facts. Let people make an informed decision. And then support them. If I know a friend made an informed decision and is aware of her options then I will stand by her and support her, even if it’s not what I would have chosen for myself. I feel like us women are not only being sold short by many medical professionals who think that our bodies and our minds can’t handle birthing, but also by other women who nit pick and judge and drag each other down.

Birth should be the most wonderful, empowering experience of your life. I am so very, very sad when I see women whose choices have been taken from them. And I am not talking about honest medical emergencies. I am obviously very well aquainted with situations far beyond your control. But no PERSON should be making decisions for you, limiting what you can do. They shouldn’t be saying, “No, you can only stay in bed because it’s the easiest way for us,” or, “We have to augment you because you’re progressing too slowly.” Those aren’t medically necessary, and they remove one’s choice. Same with where to give birth. It should never be dictated by what’s convenient for a doctor. (I seriously have just heard several stories where someone who was fully dialated was told to stop pushing because the doctor wasn’t there yet. My reply was, “WHAT?!” Then someone else catches the baby! Trying to force the labor process to accomodate someone is rediculous! My second comment was, “If they had told that to me I would have kicked someone and said tough shit.” I guess with epidurals you have the option of just not pushing. I had no such option. My body was pushing, ready or not! It really makes me think that the prevalence of epidurals have made doctors a little too complacent.)

I hate that the AMA is further fracturing the system. I have friends in the Netherlands and other areas of Europe where homebirth is very much the norm. Low-risk pregnancies are attended by Midwives, usually in a homebirth. Higher risk pregnancies are transferred to a doctor who specializes in high-risk pregnancies and deliveries, and the baby is delivered in a hospital. To me it seems like a lovely balance, both sides working together in harmony to do accomplish the goal. Doctors do what they are good at, midwives do what they are good at, and by and large babies are born healthy (from all the reading I’ve done, the Netherlands has a much lower maternal and perinatal/neonatal mortality rate than we do here in the U.S.). And to me that’s worth taking a good look at. Something they are doing is working. We could be using all our medical know-how and technology in a positive way, using those positive examples to learn from and model. But what are they doing instead? Moving in the opposite direction. WTF? Makes me want to beat my head against the damn wall.

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Today as I was leaving for work the mailman delivered our mail. Among it was yet another pregnancy magazine. I subscribed to several of them when I was newly pregnant, and I’m still getting them. When I came home from the hospital after delivering Devin I had a stack of pregnancy magazines, lovingly saved. I boxed them all up and gave them to my SIL. After that when they would come I’d place them face-down on the table. Then later I would just refuse to think about it, letting the thoughts slide past my conciousness as I deposited the magazine in the trash bin never to be thought of again.

Today, for the first time, I looked at the magazine cover briefly and didn’t feel the urge to stuff the thing in some hidden niche of my car so I wouldn’t have to think about it. In fact, I think I smiled a little bit. I might tuck the magazine away somewhere, for next time I get pregnant.

Of course I stopped reading the damn things months before we lost Devin because I discovered they are generally full of bullshit and ads, but you know. It’s one of the little things that makes pregnancy feel a little more real.

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Two completely random items. No, three.

I did mention that my belly button has regained its senses, right? Yeah. I really really enjoyed it being numb. Damn thing.

I still have my linea nigra. It seemed so much darker after I gave birth! But then I realized that was probably because the darkest part is on the bottom half of my belly. And, umm, I couldn’t really see that when I was pregnant. Now I can see it all, and it’s still very much there. A little lighter, I think. It’s kind of amusing.

And lastly, remember my unicorn explanation? Well someone gave me a link to this news article. Think it’s a sign? lol (Seriously, if I get pregnant this month the poor kid will never live it down.)

To all those “friends” who said the key to getting pregnant was to get drunk (obviously not my online friends, since you all are far too intelligent to say something so retarded to an infertile), cheers! I’m obviously well on my way to being knocked up! (In reality I’m just trying to “enjoy” all the vodka that was in our cupboard before such time as I can’t drink again. But maybe it’ll have some mystical properties I don’t know about. I won’t complain.)