I take it back
This morning’s OPK revealed a different result: blazing OPK positive. And I pulled yesterdays out…. it darkened into an “almost positive.” So I guess that’s my answer.. I’m definitely ovulating now. Maybe that explains why I feel a little queasy, too.
But I’m not actually charting tempertures so now I am just hoping that I actually do ovulate and doesn’t psych me out again. I would be REALLY pissed if this cycle gets dragged out with several “almost” ovulations.
I’m really pissed about the whole goddamn situation. Earlier I wrote to some of my friends about just how angry I was…. this whole hope-anxiety-disappointment cycle. Like Rachel said… ovulation means hope, and hope really freaking sucks. I mean, I guess I have to have some hope or why even bother trying? These first few post-partum cycles are going to be the worst because in my head there’s actually a possibility (however slim) of me getting pregnant naturally. And in my past experience, hope just means a bigger punch in the gut later.
I’m so sorry Natalie. Hope is one of those things that is painful to try and live without and yet can be so painful trying to live with. I use to liken hope to being the donkey pulling the car with the carrot dangling in front of its nose – always there, you could see it and always moving towards it, but never quite getting there – and it truly sucks!
Instead of hope, I will wish you peace and strength – and the courage you need in order to face hope.
I’m with Julia – wishing you what ever strength you need to face the journey in front of you. .
The positive OPK ounds good to me. I know that my body still hasn’t come to some sort of normality since the m/c. I’ve learned to “read” my body for signs of ov as well. I hope things work out well for you and Den. One thing I have to say: I’m happy you are much more positive about a subsequent pregnancy. At the same time, I know how it feels to have hope and then to have it dashed in one fell swoop. I’ll keep you in my prayers *hugs*
I’m here, with you right now, Nat.
I completely agree with you on the hope thing. ugh
I am just catching up from over a week ago, but I wanted to say that I used to have this awesome provider who would give me blood LH tests when I asked for it, and that is how I learned that for me at least, I would get EWCM, then LH spike the next day, then ovulate the next (progesterone timing later). So your timing looks right.
And I hope it works for you. But yes, hope is a bitch.