Today I had a dentist appointment. Last week I had a full set of x-rays taken of my teeth, and today was an oral examination and going over everything with the dentist.

I do not like going to the dentist, let me start by saying that. The last time I went was, ummm, prior to 2005, I know that much. And that was the first time I’d gone in about 2 years. (When I became an adult and was put in charge of making my own dentist appointments I “forgot” to do it. I really really don’t like going to the dentist.) So it’s been a while and I was fearing the worst. Well it wasn’t quite the worst, but it certainly wasn’t the best either.

I need three fillings. They weren’t visible on x-ray, but the top of those teeth are pitted and decaying. Bleh.

Actually I’d need five fillings, but two of them are on my wisdom teeth, which need to come out. I’ve known that for a while, this was just confirmation. The teeth themselves are not looking great, the gums around them is bad too… it’s just not a good space to be, way back there in my mouth. Plus I have some major crowding issues in my lower arch… it’s pretty bad. Removing those wisdom teeth would give them a little more room.

Which brings me to item three: orthodontics. Now when I was around 13 years old the dentist referred me to an orthodontist. I sat sullenly in the chair during the exam, decided he was making it all up to get money and my teeth were fine, and furthermore I decided I liked the way my top teeth have a sort of fang effect. So I flatly refused to get braces. Now, 12 years later, I am considering doing it. My lower arch has gotten far worse, as I mentioned, and I have a huge overbite. Plus there are some health benefits to fixing the crowding. Do I regret not doing it when I was 13? No. I would have been totally pissed off and miserable back then. Now I’m capable of making an informed decision. (However, it would have been nice to get it paid for by my parents. It’s going to be an ouch… and consequently a “can’t do it right now.”)

And lastly there’s the pain in my jaw. My exam today involved not just looking at my teeth, but also evaluation of my jaw muscles and gums. She pressed on my arm and said she was going to press on the muscles around my jaw just like that, and to let her know if it hurt. (It was totally painless on my arm.) So she started on my cheek and, “Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yep. Ow. Ow. There too.” Needless to say I’ve been clenching a lot. The whole area is tender, all of it. The thing to stop it is a custom-made small little mouth guard thingie to wear at night (and one during the day, if it’s bad enough to need to re-train me).

Oh, and some day I would like to get my teeth whitened, because they’re at a point now that I feel seriously embarrassed.

So currently I have an appointment with the hygenist for a cleaning and one with the dentist for the fillings. Then I need to book an apppointment with an oral surgeon for the extractions. At some point, when we can afford it, I’ll go see an orthodontist. Ummmm, yeah, I need a job.

::

I realized that it’s important to me to get my body healthy. That includes taking better care of my teeth. Routine cleanings, fillings, extractions – whatever needs to get done. I’ve been so good with taking care of myself in other ways… I take care of my skin, I get regular pap smears, I have appointments with my doctor to manage my depression. But I ignore my teeth. This needs to change.

Remember I said I was 13 and threw a fit about the orthodontics? Fast forward a few years and I also refused to have my wisdom teeth removed (which is why I still have them now). My reasoning for both was along the lines of: this is how nature did it, this is how it’s supposed to be, this is who I am, and I am not doing anything “cosmetic” to my body.

Over time I have into some acceptance of the idea of making improvements: dying one’s hair, having moles removed, whitening your teeth. I still think that you do have to love your body for what it is, though – even with saggy boobs and fat thighs. It’s okay to improve yourself, but you also have to accept yourself.

I’m also realizing that some of those things I wrote off as being simply cosmetic have other benefits. Having wisdom teeth removed isn’t just done for fun, apparently having them in creates a breeding ground for bacteria and can hasten decay of neighboring teeth. Plus in my case it’s causing a lot of other problems. And orthodontics, well, the dentist explained how when teeth are crowded there’s less space between them and thus the gum and bone is more succeptable to damage… it tends to develop problems faster. And my overbite, well it’s not just cosmetic either… that can also cause part of my muscle problems, because things aren’t aligned right.

So today I was thinking about all of these things and thinking about how my opinions have changed a lot, especially in the last two months, and I had an epiphany. My core belief has been altered: I no longer believe that nature is always right. Nature fucks things up – quite frequently, in fact. I do still want to trust in the way things are supposed to go: that labor, when given a chance, will work a intended… but I’ve also come face-to-face with the very harsh reality that it doesn’t always. There’s a lot to be said for taking what you’re given, in trusting the process and appreciating what you have. But I also understand that sometimes stepping in is warranted.

It’s quite a radical change. I don’t feel so naive. Just because I think things should be (or are) a certain way, doesn’t mean they really are. Sometimes you have to take what life deals you, and sometimes you need to improve the situation. We have that option now. Crazy humans.