I had a dream last night… I dreamt I was pregnant again and going into labor. I was paranoid as hell, demanding to be hooked up to monitors so I could see that everything was okay. I told the nurses about Devin, so they’d understand that I wasn’t just paranoid for no reason. I wanted them to take me seriously. I wanted it all over quickly, so I didn’t have to wait… I was so scared… it was progressing quickly, though, like the first time. I remember for some reason there were tons of people in the hospital room, even my parents and brother showed up. I was all, “Come in, come in!” I couldn’t remember the names we’d picked out… they wanted me to write down the names and I couldn’t remember. We didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl. And I remember it was at night and I looked at the clock and thought to mysef that the baby was going to be born in the hours after midnight, and how fitting that was.

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I had a totally crappy night’s sleep last night due to a cat walking all over me, purring loudly and kneading the blankets over my shoulders (it was Jojo, too, not Merlin – very odd). I love it when my kitties are cuddly, but damnit lay down and fall asleep!! I finally had to chuck him out of the room. I felt bad – okay not really, I was pretty tired and cranky at that point.

So today I feel really tired. I have zero desire to get up or to do anything at all. Picking up the phone to make some phone calls seems like a huge task to me.

And to make my day even better, I am getting sick. My throat feels all gross and it’s starting to hurt. I am left wondering how bad it is going to get and when I’ll feel normal again. Blah, my immune system must be shot right now. I’ve barely left the house in two weeks, and somehow I catch a damn cold.

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My weight has stopped going down. I’m currently stuck somewhere between 146 and 147. I’m hoping it’s just a temporary pause while it continues to move downward, because I definitely have some extra padding to be rid of. I can always tell when I have too much weight on me because laying on my side drives me nuts due to the fat on my hips/waist. Blech! And the lovehandles.

The belly… well the belly has two issues. The skin is obviously stretched and loose now. It feels very strange… very soft. But it’s not grossly loose – not in my mind, at least – just a little, and I’m sure it will tighten up. But that’s not why it overhangs my pants…. nope…. it’s the muscles. I can suck it all in and look pretty darn good. But when I “let go” the belly just pooches right out. The muscles are not what they used to be (and they didn’t used to be very much!). So I’m going to have to work on some exercises for post-partum abs… obviously something very gentle to tone them up without hurting myself.

My boobs are almost fully back to normal. They’re back to my pre-preg size… although the band size is still 38. But I’m back to my normal C-cup. And they still seem pretty perky too, not saggy or weird. Yay. The “almost” is because they apparently leak when I get aroused. Errr. Okay.

Speaking of being aroused…. this whole no-sex-while-healing thing SUCKS. We had very very little sex while I was pregnant, because I quite simply had NO sex drive at all. But hormones are now shifting back to normal. And I miss being intimate with my husband. I crave it for both physical and emotional reasons. But we wait.

I don’t think it’ll be too much longer, to be honest. One tiny tear and some stretching (everything was rather sore for a while!) doesn’t take too long to heal. It’s already feeling much more normal.

The pregnancy seems to have come and gone barely leaving a mark on my body. I can’t decide if I’m happy about that or not. Most of the time I feel pleased that everything’s healing up so well and I still look pretty darn good for someone who just birthed a baby. But there are times when the whole pregnancy hardly seems real, I can hardly believe it really happened.