Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies

28 Weeks

Mar 3, 2012 — 11:15 am

This week I had a growth ultrasound just to check in on little Ember. I went by myself this time since we’re all sick – Den felt miserable and didn’t feel that bringing Kate with us would be a good idea. Baby girl was active all day so I wasn’t concerned about getting truly horrible news. (Before every ultrasound I make sure she’s kicking right up until I walk into the ultrasound room, just to be sure she’s alive.)

Well she is measuring right on, with an estimated weight of 2 1/2 pounds. Wow, it’s crazy to think she already weighs that much! So the good news is that there is absolutely no concerns with her growth. :) I wonder if she’ll be bigger than Kate at birth. (Actually I just checked my records, I had an ultrasound with Kate at 28 weeks and her estimated weight was 2lbs 6oz. So there you go, exactly the same.)

She is however breech! I was a bit shocked to hear that because her feet are always up at my ribs on my right side. And it is indeed her feet up there… she has her feet over her head! We saw her grabbing her feet with her hands. And it’s funny because she was in that same position during my level 2 ultrasound 10 weeks ago, feet over head. How bizarre they are in there! So I think this is my first breech baby. Devin was transverse up until sometime in the third trimester when he went head-down. Kate was head-down from the start and never moved, head buried in my pelvis against my placenta preventing them from getting good measurements and pictures. I asked the midwife how common it was for them to be breech at this stage and she waved it off with a “Don’t even worry about it.” She said if she’s still breech at 36 weeks I can start doing inversions, but she’s not worried about it at all, there’s lots of time to flip.

A student midwife did most of my appointment, she was very sweet. I love that my hospital is a teaching hospital, and I appreciate helping someone out with their first steps down their career path! It was kind of amusing to me later though when I realized she was probably my age or younger. When did I become such an adult anyways?

Kate was so good at this appointment. She usually tries climbing everything in sight and gets bored (understandably) – though whatever I have tried to bring is never as interesting as what is in the room. But this time she was pretty mellow. Plus I think she has some fans. I was worrying about having to bring her every time, I don’t want her to be a bother to anyone. But when she walked in holding my hand they start poking their head in the room just to say hi to her! One newer nurse, who saw her last time, gave her some crackers this time. Between that and the string cheese I had in my bag Kate was pretty happy. She looked out the window and pointed out the snow, trees and cars, then she lounged against a wall watching us.

When we get to the point where I lay on the exam table to listen to the heartbeat and get my fundal height checked I always sit her on my lap facing my belly so she can watch what they do. Previously she’s just watched with a perplexed look on her face. This time however the student midwife was taking a bit longer to feel my fundus and the midwife was showing her how she does it. So Kate decided they were clearly giving my belly hugs because she threw out her arms, hugged my belly, and said, “Awwwww!” We all cracked up laughing, which got Kate laughing in that funny laughing-for-attention thing they do, which made us laugh even harder.

So all in all a good appointment, even if it was in the middle of a snowstorm! ;)

Oh and here’s me at 28 weeks, since I’ve been really bad with posting these!

Nesting

Mar 5, 2012 — 1:09 am

We had company over on Saturday night for dinner in memory of Devin. We’ve always done it on Devin’s birthday (March 6th), but this year Den was going to be out of town on his birthday so we did it a little early. It was another fantastic dinner party evening. I always come away from his party feeling upbeat and thankful for family. Also we are apparently getting better at cooking, as everyone gobbled up large amounts of all the dishes. There is just something about feeding other people that really feeds my soul.

I’m not really doing anything for Devin’s birthday this year, other than that. I haven’t really thought of anything to buy for him. Although, no – I really want to get my mother’s ring. It’s not your typical mother’s ring with three equal birthstones… it’s a ring with an aquamarine heartshaped stone that I picked out a long time ago. I still love it, so I think it’s past time to have someone make it for me. (I could buy it online, but I really feel like the stone would be too big for my very petite little fingers. I want something a little smaller, so I hope a local jeweler can make one for me.) As a bonus the ring has two very small diamonds, one on each side of the aquamarine. I think that’s why I’ve been waiting all these years… I wasn’t sure if I should get the diamonds or not. Well now those diamonds can represent my two little girls, Devin’s living siblings. (And I know diamond is April’s birthstone, not May’s. May is emerald. I don’t really want green on my ring.) So maybe I’ll go take care of that this week.

On a very happy note, because of us having company over our house looks all nice and clean! I mean, it’s not like we cleaned the windows and dusted the tops of door frames or anything, but it looks much much better than it did. I have been itching to organize everything lately. It’s quite distracting actually because I find I can’t open a cupboard without pulling everything out and going through it all. A lot of things are getting thrown out around here… like random weird old broken things stuffed in the back of cupboards. A few days ago I went through my filing cabinet to pull out all the old bills and receipts to move to a box in the basement for long-term storage and ended up culling a lot of junk paperwork I didn’t need to keep. We put together my new dresser and cleaned out a large part of the bedroom, though we still have a ways to go until I can call it clean… but it requires moving a bunch of bins and bags to the basement and I’ll just leave that for the husband to do. It’s not so much the cleaning that is getting to me – I’m not down scrubbing the baseboards or anything (yet), but it’s the de-cluttering. I will sort and re-sort and organize and label and put everything back into its perfect little spot.

So, umm, yeah… nesting much?

Birthday Week

Mar 9, 2012 — 1:30 am

It’s been a busy week for me. That’s good, because I’m keeping busy, but bad too because I’ve been a little bit stressed out. I get short on patience when I’m stressed. It’s like I’m full up just juggling everything and any random stupidity that pops up just fails my tolerance test. But I do feel good being productive, keeping lists and calendars (meticulously – it’s how I survive), getting things accomplished. And keeping my house clean.

Devin’s birthday passed pretty uneventfully for the most part. Well, other than the shuttle bus not showing up to take me to class that day. I had to walk to the main campus, and that frankly hurt my belly. I know I’m in the third trimester when my first thought upon realizing the shuttle was not coming was that I should get back in my car and go home rather than hike to class and be late anyways. (But I went. I was late. I also found out I had an exam next class, so it was a good thing I went.)

But the rest of the day passed pretty quietly, though Devin was on our minds all day. It’s unbelievable that it was 4 years ago. We’ve been married for not yet 6 years. How has life kept moving at this pace? How am I here in this place and time, feeling so far away from when I was so lost? I am so thankful that time continues moving. I am so thankful that my life includes such good things in it, that I have a good life, a happy life, even without Devin here. I am thankful that I don’t have to sit in that grief and darkness all the time anymore.

But we miss him. Two little girls – two precious little girls. But never Devin. Never my little boy. It is not a dark and stabbing grief, but it is a tender spot, an empty spot, a life we should know… and don’t. As Kate gets older I realize how very little we know about him. I felt like I knew her in the womb, and in some ways of course I did. But every month I learn something new about her, she’s growing into this amazing little vivid person right in front of me, so different from the tiny newborn I held. And I will never know that with Devin. I will never know if he would have been my wild child, if he would have loved water, if he would have been loud and boyish. I wish I knew how to fill in that memory but it’s just an empty line extending through the rest of my life.

On my to-do list this week: finally stop procrastinating and order Devin’s gravestone. No his grave still doesn’t have one. It was one of those situations where you get caught up on a detail – Den and I couldn’t agree on exactly what sentiment to put on it – and instead of just picking something we just put it off. We never go to the cemetery so it wasn’t something big and pressing, and there just became a point where the thought of pulling out his papers to look up the info again was too overwhelming. I meant to do it. I just… didn’t. Yesterday I pulled down his paperwork to get the info, then made calls to a few local companies. Tomorrow (hopefully) I’m going in to place the order. It will be such a relief to get it done. He deserves something there. I need something there.

I stopped in our front yard, watching critically as his tree straightened again after losing the weight of snow that was on it. I wanted to march over and say to it, Devin’s tree, thank you for still being alive. I realize you are a replacement, and so it doesn’t mean quite as much to me as if the original plant had survived 4 years. Nevertheless I am just very relieved and grateful that you are still here and I don’t have to go through replacing you again. I am really glad to see you’ve made it almost a year in good shape. But then I realized I’d be talking to a tree, so I just said it in my head instead.

It took me a while to put two and two together about why I’ve been feeling anxious this week (duh), but I’ve been increasingly anxious about this pregnancy. Not a lot, nothing scary, but just a lot more worried thoughts running through my head lately. I’m doing kick counts now and I fret when her movements are a little slower. (Even though I know she has some slower days and some crazy days… she goes back and forth). All the movement I’ve been feeling is really making me feel much more connected to this baby, which is great… except the more connected I feel the more worried I get that something will go wrong. Yes Kate was healthy and her pregnancy was routine. But I think a part of me is feeling like I’m pushing my luck doing this again, like I’m wondering if I really can have two normal pregnancies. I’m getting closer to the gestation that I lost Devin, and of course this week was his birthday. I didn’t even really think about how that is affecting my thought processes, but it makes sense that with all the memories floating to the surface I’m getting a bit sidetracked with the things that could go wrong. It’s hard to trust that everything will be fine when you’ve already been a statistic once. Regardless I try to think positively and plan for the best.

Almost 30 weeks!

Mar 12, 2012 — 1:02 am

Baby’s movements have shifted from kicks here and there (often in quick succession) to now feeling body parts jutting out, moving around and thumping. I still get kicks, but the past two days have been full of her pushing and stretching and moving around. My belly is jiggling and lopsided and all kinds of weirdness! I’ve also recently started noticing her getting the hiccups. I hope she’s not a chronic hiccuper like Kate was/is! (She still gets the hiccups every time she laughs really hard. But at least she doesn’t get totally ticked off about it anymore.) She’s definitely getting bigger in there! Some days she seems to turn around, making her seem three pounds heavier.

I also have a bruised rib. Now I don’t know which girl to blame it on, because it’s my left rib where Ember is up in my right rib, so it could just as easily have been Kate who did it to me. Or it could be something totally random that I did. Regardless my bra feels less than spectacular, since the bruised part is right where the underwire lays (yes I’m back to wearing underwire – it’s the only solution to my saggy boobs!) and it kind of hurts a little to take in a deep breath. It’s very weird.

The girls are definitely already working together, I can tell you that much. Kate has been treating me like a jungle gym even more than usual, which is getting more uncomfortable by the week. She likes to sit on my lap and thump her head backward against my chest, which also puts her back right against my belly. She’s also been standing on my lap a lot (trying to climb me), laying on my lap rolling around, crawling on top of me when I’m laying down, and so on. I feel like I’m constantly pushing her off of my belly, since she seems utterly clueless that it’s there. I have discovered that having Ember pushing outward from inside my belly while Kate knocks into the same spot with her elbow or foot is really really tender. I’ve yelped a few times. Neither kid seems to notice. Just me, squashed in the middle.

The braxton hicks in the evening are getting annoying. I get one or two an hour while I’m laying here relaxing and they are most definitely more noticeable now. Given that this is my third baby and how many I got with Kate I know that they’re probably just going to keep on coming for the next 10 weeks. I just wish they didn’t make me have to pee so badly!

::

Kate has been having a bit of a rough week with her incisors coming in. It has thus far not been as bad as previous teeth, in that she is actually sleeping all night still, which is utterly amazing. She did have a stretch of unhappy 6am wakeups, the latest of which on Friday when the poor thing was utterly inconsolable. She had her puppy, her sheep, two pacis, her sippy of milk, and a cracker (all of which she asked for), and yet she still just sat there screaming and crying and kicking her feet in frustration. She wouldn’t even eat the cracker or drink the milk. I held her on my lap, rocking and hugging her, but still she kept flailing and sobbing. Finally the motrin and orajel kicked in and the tears stopped, but she was still very clingy for the day.

This is my first real experience as a “military wife” as Den is away for the entire month of March. (Not deployed, thank goodness, but at a training class.) We’re one week in and I’m happy to say it’s going pretty well. I’m used to having Kate all day so it’s just the evening that is an adjustment. It can be a little stressful not having anyone able to step in for an hour so I can get some work done or whatever. I’ve still been working in the evenings after she goes to bed, and some days I have to turn on Elmo so I can print out my lab report or study for an exam. She’s been moderately tolerant, but I hear “Mama! Mama! Mama!!” all day long. All. Day. Long. And it’s about very important things like, “Mama! Elmo! Mama! Shoes! Mama! Cracker??” She feels the need to inform me of pretty much everything. It is still pretty cute though, especially when she says something like, “Mama! Hug??” and then leans up to give me a big hug. I can’t argue with that one!

She is becoming a very chatty child, constantly talking to me though it’s still a lot of made-up words or at least words that aren’t recognizable yet. Today over at someone’s house she pointed to the picture of an angel and said, “Mama? Mama!” Then later she kept repeating “Bufeye.” It took me a while to figure it out, but then I put two and two together and asked if she meant “butterfly.” She nodded in satisfaction. “Buhh-fye!” She’s constantly naming everything she sees, from body parts to colors (she gets them all wrong still) to letters and numbers. Numbers are her favorite right now. She can reliably count to five, and sometimes to ten but she always seems to miss one number. A few times I have heard her counting to 20, but a lot of the teen numbers sound the same and she mixes them up and skips some. And that’s all sesame street, I’ve never taught her anything above 10! She can recognize all the numbers 1-9 as well. I just got some foam bath letters and numbers and that was a hit.

The cracker thing is driving me crazy though. Since she’s discovered that she can choose what she eats and what she doesn’t she has been asserting that skill very often. I hear “no” a lot when I put food in front of her. I also hear “Cracker??” repeated about a hundred times a day. She eats graham crackers and triscuits so at least she’s not eating animal crackers all day or something, but still it’s just crackers. Granted still loves her yogurt and cheese, so I have that in there… and she does enjoy peanut butter and jam sandwiches. But she asks for crackers all day long! She pushes food away and asks for crackers. She would eat an entire package of crackers at once, if I let her (which I do not!). Fruits have gotten much more difficult. She’s going through a texture issues phase. She prods her food and if the texture is slimy or rubbery or anything unusual then she declares it “yucky” and won’t eat it. Canned fruit fits into that description apparently. She even took out the two tiny pieces of peach fruit she found in her peach yogurt and handed them over with disgust. She still loves dipping sauces though so I can get her to eat some meat if I provide a dip with it. She even ate ham the other day when I was making a meal for myself and she decided she wanted some. But it’s so tricky because if she’s not hungry enough or if she sees something else she would rather eat then the meat gets pushed onto the floor. I made the mistake of making her a ham sandwich when she was eating the ham – she picked it apart to eat all the bread, then discarded the ham and cheese. I know this is just a phase and she cycles rapidly between foods – one week she loved bananas, the next she didn’t like the texture. So I’m just trying to be patient, keep offering food, and not make a big deal of it. But damn it is annoying to cup up a bunch of food only to have her refuse to eat it! I don’t even bother buying stuff anymore because it just goes bad while she decides it’s not acceptable that week. And sadly my own picky food preferences do not help in this area – I make steamed broccoli and cauliflower for her (which she apparently still likes… for now), but I won’t touch it, ha. Another bizarre one was the salad I made. I like chilli on my salad with some nacho chips. I gave her a bunch of the veggies from the bag and no nacho chips with her chilli. The kid ate the beans, lettuce, and shredded carrots and left the ground beef of the chilli! What on earth?? But it’s good to know she’s eating shredded carrots, I can work with that.

But all in all life continues as normal and I just have to make sure we get in some outings each day so we’re not just sitting around bored. I have made extensive use of to-do lists this week, been cleaning and sorting the clutter in my house (nesting alert!), and even taken care of some things that I’ve been procrastinating for a long time. It feels good. Especially being able to juggle all of it on my own, I’m quite proud of myself. But then I remind myself that I’m only 1 week in, 3 more to go. I may be singing a different tune in a couple of weeks.

30 Weeks

Mar 14, 2012 — 6:53 am

It’s amazing what a difference getting rid of the morning sickness makes. Now I feel like I’m really enjoying pregnancy the way I did before. The nausea this time was definitely worse and lasted longer than either of my two previous pregnancies… I don’t think I felt “right” until almost the start of my third trimester. I so appreciate being able to eat what I want, when I want, without getting sick. Of course I do have some days where the heartburn is starting up but it’s not consistent. The rest of me seems pretty good: my back feels good, my hair is normal-ish, my skin has calmed down. I’m still sleeping normally without any extra pillows!

The only physical complaint right now is that “bruised” rib I’m starting to think is a pulled ligament or muscle. Monday evening it was extremely painful, but has since calmed down into mildly painful again. I have to be careful with what I lift with my left arm, as I’m sure anything that makes it hurt probably doesn’t help it heal. I carry Kate on my left hip all the time so it’s being problematic…. I’ve been letting her walk a lot more than usual, even though she is slow as molasses, likes to sit down randomly, and I have to say “hold hand!” every 3 feet. But it’s probably a good idea to not carry her everywhere, though I still need to lift her in and out of the SUV.

Ember is very active, moving and stretching and sometimes actually hurting me. A few times yesterday I yelped and jumped about a foot as she kicked especially hard. I could put my hands on my belly and feel her squirming all over in there, limbs swirling around beneath the surface. She’s just getting so big in there! I know it’s my third time and all, but it’s still hard to wrap my brain around how big the baby is all curled up in there. I still can’t figure out how she’s laying in there based on what I feel… this kid confuses me. I get kicks and pushes all over my belly. I would guess that she probably hasn’t flipped yet, since I haven’t noticed any big movement or change.

She’s started getting the hiccups daily now. I hope she’s not a chronic pissed-off-hiccuper like Kate was… poor Kate would get them every day and would get SO angry about it! At 21 months old she still gets the hiccups every time she laughs really hard.

I feel like I got huge this past week…. like my belly was growing at a slow rate and then poof, huge belly. It’s a basketball now. And there is absolutely no doubt when someone looks at me that I am obviously very pregnant. I guess Ember and my resulting belly had a growth spurt.

29w4d

Growing Up

Mar 15, 2012 — 11:07 pm

It’s amazing what a difference 10 years makes. 10 years ago I was a very quiet, very anxious, very uptight person. I was perfectionist, I didn’t know how to deal with change, and I had a very hard time letting go of things. Simple things, like going out for a meal… I wanted to plan where, when, what to eat, how the experience would go. Yes, I was frequently disappointed.

10 years later I feel like such a different person. I still have a perfectionist streak, oh yes, and I still get anxious over some things sometimes. But when I look at myself from an objective stance – especially in my role as mother to Kate – I realize that I’ve turned into a very mellow person. I think it’s partly due to the experiences I’ve been through and partly just time and growing older.

::

“You’re one of my favorite people,” the Midwife said to me on Wednesday. “Some people I just want to sit and chat with. You project such calm.”

We had been chatting for a little bit after measuring my fundus and listening to the baby’s heartbeat when she randomly said this to me. It was so sweet and out of the blue. And I don’t even know this Midwife very well, I’ve only met her a handful of times through my three pregnancies. It’s interesting, though, because almost all of them know me, remember me – I’m sure in large part because of Devin.

I really love my Midwife practice. They are a large group, working directly out of a hospital (their office is in one of the hospital buildings). You would think they would be very busy and very medical-minded. But they’re not. I like almost all of the Midwives that I have met. They are all very mellow, both in personality and in terms of medical practices. They are supportive of natural birth, even though most of their patients do not opt for that path. They always seem relaxed during appointments, never rushed. I am so happy I switched back to them when I was pregnant with Kate (I had started with an OB, thinking I’d want a more medical approach after my loss… but it was not a good fit and I switched back).

::

My weight has gone up around 21 lbs according to their scale. My blood pressure is still reading fairly normal, 110/70 – and that is high for me because Kate tried jumping off my lap in the middle of the blood pressure reading and I had to grab her, causing the machine much confusion. Fundus measures 31 inches. Baby’s heart was beating away – no surprise, since she had spent my entire drive to my appointment sticking her foot out just below my rib cage. (I love when she is active right before my appointments. It definitely helps prevent the anxiety from rising.) My blood tests from last time showered that I do not have gestation diabetes, so that is a good thing. I am, however, anemic again. I swear my bounce anemic and not every year. I was shocked at the start of this pregnancy when they told me my iron levels were within normal range! So back on iron pills I go.

::

I was waiting in the exam room for longer than I like in a room full of stuff I don’t really want Kate touching. Kate is exploring different things in the room (the chairs, the paper on the exam table). She ends up over at the red trash can in the corner of the room and starts touching it. I sternly tell her NO, you don’t touch that. She giggled at me and slapped her hand on it. I said NO again. She kept slapping it repeatedly, giggling. I pulled her hand off, she laughed harder and dove back for it. So I thought for a moment and then turned around and stared at the opposite wall. She immediately piped up, “Mama? Mama?” I looked at her and said, “Yes?” and she slapped her hand on the garbage can lid again! So I again looked away, and this time when she called me I didn’t respond. She walked around the exam table I was sitting on so she was in my line of sight and again said, “Mama?” I looked at her and said, “Yes baby?” She ran back over and slapped the garbage can. So CLEARLY she was doing it just for my reaction. I continued ignoring her behavior completely and not responding to her. She tried a few more times and then sure enough got bored, gave up, and didn’t touch the garbage can for the rest of the appointment.

I am finding that unless I really really mean it, me pulling out the serious, unhappy mommy voice does nothing but cause Kate to laugh. Denis can do it and she listens. I clearly do not have that response. She’s still usually pretty good about listening in general, but there are times with certain objects that she keeps pushing to see how I will react. She gets a kick out of seeing me get frustrated. I find for small issues, like her touching the metal blinds in the exam room, I get a better response if I get down on her level and explain very calmly, “We don’t touch this. I don’t want you to break them. Let’s go play with this over here.” She stopped touching the blinds. There are times, like with the trash can, where she isn’t getting anything out of the experience except enjoyment watching my reaction – so I don’t give her any. Then there are times when she is so interested in something that she won’t listen to me at all and I have to do the time out on my lap thing. Thankfully that is very rare.

Lately I have been getting a lot of compliments from strangers on her behavior. She has just been so very good this week, super easy to take out for lunch or dinner, good in stores whether walking or in the stroller. Today at a restaurant I had to go to the salad bar and, being alone, I had no option but to take her with me. She told me the names of several different veggies she saw. And then she stood right by my legs while I put things on my plate (requiring two hands). I kept a close eye on her in case she decided to explore something (I do a lot of dashing after her, toddlers love to explore!) but I think she was fairly interested in the salad bar and the people nearby. When I was done she took my hand and we walked (well I walked, she hopped/stomped and pointed out the ceiling several times) back to our table. Then she sat happily next to me and ate some salad – she had shredded carrots, peas and broccoli with ranch dip. (I have realized recently that she’ll eat things at a restaurant that she would refuse at home.) She also had one mini turkey burger slider. I got to eat my meal fairly leisurely, though there was one incident of spilled milk that I had to clean up. And she narrated the meal and our surroundings the entire time: “Carrots! Mmm! Carrots! Ceiling? Light! E. X. I. T. Light! Ceiling! Water? Milk? Carrots!”

The sun is shining!

Mar 21, 2012 — 12:47 am

Now I know that a sharper sense of smell is a common pregnancy symptom, but what about a sharper sense of hearing? I swear up and down that I am hearing things that I didn’t before. All kinds of electronics have been humming or squealing in a really high-pitched range and it’s driving me kind of crazy. There’s a floor lamp in the bedroom that I don’t turn on anymore (and when Den does it makes me twitch). The fan in my laptop, after I cleaned it out really well, started making a very very faint high-pitched whirr. And last night after I turned off my laptop for the night I had to unplug the charger because it was making a high-pitched buzzing noise. Ugh! In the quiet evenings after Kate is in bed I have taken to putting on headphones and listening to music just to drown out these weird noises. I already could hear a lot higher pitched than my (older) husband, and now it seems to have gone into hyperdrive.

::

The fact that this was a “traditionally conceived” pregnancy is still throwing me for a loop. I was having a good afternoon today, walking to the shuttle bus on campus and feeling grateful for the sunshine and my belly and feeling good. I started thinking, At least I do pregnancy well, even if I don’t do getting pregnant well, and had to stop myself, mentally scratch my head, and realized I can’t exactly say that anymore. Granted no one knows why I got pregnant this time, and I still say the soy tipped the balance of something, but regardless here I am, pregnant on my own. I’m still not used to that, not after so many years of infertility treatments.

::

Kate is loving the warm weather, as we can now go just sit outside. Well I sit, she explores and digs. I pulled out her toddler slide (and washed it down), she enjoys that. But most of all this year she’s just really enjoying wandering and looking and touching – something she wouldn’t do last year. I don’t know why, maybe it was overwhelming, but last year when I really just wanted to lay on my blanket or work in the garden for a few minutes or heck just occupy her for a few minutes all she did was walk over to the door to the house and stand there. She’d play in her water table and on the slide, but then back to the door she’d go. This year? Oh no. This year there are leaves on the ground to be stomped through, there is dirt to be pawed at and shoveled, there are sticks to be carried around. Everything is interesting to her, and I love it! Our backyard is fully fenced, which is a great thing, I am obviously there supervising but I can go inside to grab something without worrying she’s going to wander off. The worst she does is wander into our wooded area. We only have an acre, so it’s not like she’s going to disappear.

Considering her newfound enjoyment of digging in dirt I considered getting a sandbox for her, but then a bunch of friends mentioned that dirt is far more interesting for kids as it contains rocks, plants, grass, etc. Well it’s certainly easier for me. So I turned over the dirt in one box of my veggie garden (since it was packed pretty tight and had weeds and grass growing), set up a couple of pots, handed her a little plastic shovel, and told her to enjoy! She really loves going in there and moving the dirt from place to place, feeling it in her hands, dumping it on her shoes (sigh – good thing I bought her shoes for getting dirty!). It’s quite amazing how long she can be kept occupied just sitting there. Since it’s been so nice out I have been bringing my folding chair out along with a binder or notebook and a small task like sketching out my garden plans or writing and addressing some birthday cards. I have a bag I use to bring a water bottle and snack with us, along with the notebook and phone and whatever else I need. Simple, but handy! (Kitchen and office is upstairs, so I can’t really just dart inside for something.)

She is also very excited by the dogs – and the dogs are thrilled that we are spending time outside with them! The dogs are mainly indoor dogs, but we find our shepherd is too big and quirky to be in a small enclosed space with Kate without constant monitoring. Outside where the dogs can run around and then come check on Kate everyone seems much more relaxed. I’m right there the whole time, but I’m very pleased with how well behaved the dogs are with her. The worst thing I’ve run into is that Zeeke has an obsession for licking ears, which Kate does not appreciate, so I’m constantly telling him to knock it off. Also the fact that Zeeke is still big enough and not aware enough that sometimes he turns around without realizing where his body is and knocks her over unintentionally. I really wish he could keep tabs on his own body – inside he trips on toys constantly. Kate is respectful of the dogs and approaches them carefully, but she’s not afraid of them at all. When she gets knocked over she just lets out a “Aaagghhh!” whine and gets back up. The cutest thing, though, is when the dogs are running and exploring the far corners of the yard she’ll stand there and call out, “Zeeke? Zeeke??” (I believe she thinks that is how you call both dogs, as I have seen her do that when just Zoe was off in the yard and Zeeke was actually right beside her. I blame myself for that one… I swear I yell Zeeke’s name every 2 minutes for one reason or another.)

We also have been going for brief walks in the neighborhood. She enjoys the stroller and I could do that more if I wanted to…. but I don’t particularly want to! Too much work for me. So instead she holds my hand across the street and then she walks along beside me, pointing at sticks and leaves and rocks, as we very very slowly meander down the street. In this instance her being slow is nice, because it’s not like I’m out power walking. On the other hand when we’re headed back to the house it can get a little frustrating when I am trying to keep her moving. Not that she’s tired – she just wants to squat and play with the pinecones she found. I try not to get too far from the house!

I really love spring – I think it’s my favorite season. I love when everything starts budding and blooming and I love the return of the sunshine and warmth. I love sitting outside for a while in the sun with a light breeze, without really worrying about getting burned in 10 seconds. But I realized I really love the climate here in the north east. I really do enjoy winter and summer for different reasons – I enjoy the snow, I enjoy the swimming. I love the fact that we get such lovely defined seasons here. And I appreciate that it doesn’t just rain all the time like the west coast!

22 Months

Mar 28, 2012 — 12:53 am

Well so much for spring… today it is cold out there. I think the thermometer read 38 degrees and the wind was really whipping. I of course stubbornly did not wear my winter coat and waiting for the shuttle bus to take me to class kind of sucked.

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I took a plunge today… I took the front off her crib and converted it to a toddler bed. I could have left it as a crib, there was no real reason I needed to change it over – she wasn’t climbing out or anything. But there are a few considerations. One, we will be needing that crib for Ember at some point and I’d rather slowly transition Kate beforehand so she doesn’t feel like Ember is taking her bed. Two, it is getting hard for me to get Kate into the crib with the belly in the way and changing the sheets? Oomph. And thirdly, she loves her bed. It’s to the point that when I go in to get her in the morning, wanting to get her up, changed, fed and ready to go, she refuses to get out of the crib. She runs around happily, jumps on the mattress, talks to her stuffed animals, and hides in the back corner every time I reach for her. And she WILL cry and throw a small fit if I pull her out before she’s “ready.” I kept thinking that not only would a toddler bed be easier for me, she may actually like being able to climb in and out at will. She often asks to go to bed (or at the very least heartily agrees with my suggestion), kicking her legs in joy as I put her in her crib at night. “Pucky!” (puppy) she says in greeting, “Paci! Banket!” And then I leave and she talks and hums and plays until she falls asleep.

My first attempt at bedtime didn’t go perfectly – she was too wired (and I kind of knew that going in there but it was past 9pm already). I heard her jumping on her bed, running around and playing for 45 minutes. Then I heard thumps at the bedroom door and some whining. When it turned to confused crying I went and got her, reset her (10 minutes of down time in the living room with Elmo), then I said night night and put her back to bed. And sure enough this time, since she was actually tired, she went straight to sleep. The real trick will be seeing how she reacts at night when she wakes up. I don’t really anticipate too many issues, but I’m sure there will be some bumps with the transition as she gets used to the new arrangement.

::

She can now count to ten pretty consistently – not on command though! She just does it randomly as she’s walking around the house or in the car. And she tries to count to twenty but after ten it goes something like this (this was today’s rendition): “eben, telv, nineteen, nineteen, nineteen, taaayyyy!” She also tends to count to herself pretty quietly so it can be hard to make out! Those teens are hard numbers, though. But she loves numbers and every time there’s counting numbers on Sesame Street she repeats along with them.

She is fascinated with clothes lately and tries to put them on herself. She’s getting better at it – she can now put both pants legs on. But the pants get stuck over her feet, which frustrates her, and when she stands up and tries to pull them all the way on she just can’t get it over her diaper (sposie or cloth!). So I have to help. She also doesn’t take off what she’s wearing first, so it’s pretty common around here for her to be wearing jeans overtop of leggings.

She loves shoes still, always. She can sometimes put her own shoes on, but it’s kind of hit or miss. I got her some new little sneakers (with velcro) which are great for playing outside. Problem with all shoes however: she takes them off in the truck! This is becoming a bit frustrating for me because she of course wants to walk as soon as I take her out of the truck, so she has to have shoes on. And that means before I take her out of her carseat I have to get up on the running board and lean over her carseat to fish the shoes out from the middle of the SUV seat. This is getting harder to do. It gets really old when I make 3 stops and have to do it three times. She also will attempt to take her socks off half the time and I’m at the point where if the socks are off I’m not putting them back on. Just as long as she’s wearing shoes.

Her favorite book right now is Potty. We don’t really know what it is about the book, but she loves it. You would think maybe it’s because she’s interested in potty training right? Yeah not so much. She’ll now sit on the toilet with her diaper off, but she just sits there for a few seconds and then says, “No?” and gets down. I’m not pushing it at all, just seeing how she feels about it. If she wants to sit on the potty then I’ll make the effort. But the book? She loves. She gets SO excited when I get to the “tinkle tinkle, I did it! Hooray!” She laughs and claps and then says, “‘Gain?” (again)

She’s in a big eating spurt right now… eating more than I expect her to. She ate two pieces of french toast for dinner tonight, and that was after eating constantly at the babysitter’s over lunch! “Cah-keh” (cracker) is the most frequent request I get, I try to get her to eat other things. She still loves yogurt and is almost guaranteed to eat it. Cheerios another big favorite (and popular request) – I currently have cheerios all over my floor, in fact. Cheese, which used to be a guaranteed food, is now hit or miss, though string cheese is still really easy to throw in my bag to have on me when we’re out. A lot of the fruits she used to eat she’s now shaking her head to. She loves the word banana and she loves to point out bananas excitedly, but give her one and she’ll survey it for a moment, perhaps attempt a tiny bite, before handing it back with a, “No, no.” Apples and pears she’ll eat sometimes… I have yet to figure out the rhyme or reason to it. She does seem to like little carrots with ranch dip, though. Broccoli too. I have also found that she’s approximately 10 times more likely to eat something if we are getting it from somewhere/someone else. If we’re over at someone else’s house or at a restaurant she tends to eat almost anything she is offered. At home… not so much.

Her language is still developing a lot. She is a chatterbox! Most of it is babble, which apparently she doesn’t even expect you to understand, as long as you nod and respond in some way. But when she’s clearly trying to pronounce an english word she does get very insistent if you don’t get it. She leans really close and repeats herself louder and louder. And some times I just don’t know what she means! She’s starting to put words together here and there. Today it was “Ga gun!” (all gone) when she saw my empty plate after dinner. And when I said, “Yes, all gone! Good job!” she repeated it another few times, giggling each time, complete with hands in the air in a “all gone” shrug. She’s also said “Hi doggy!” and “‘Ere go.” I’m waiting for more, because I can tell they’re bubbling right under the surface. She also likes to point out everything. She knows the names of so many things – useful, random and somewhat bizarre. She points out the dog, the bird, the pole, the stairs, the cars, and so on. Body parts are a favorite, especially “teef.”

She’s working on learning the colors, but it seems like a difficult thing for her to get. She says, “Cuhwa?” (color) a lot and when I ask her what color something is she tends to stare at the object, stare at me, then say a color name in a very questioning voice. She’s always very excited when she gets one right, but that’s still not too frequent. She tends to answer blue or green to almost everything.

I love how inquisitive she is, and how much she wants to share her discoveries with me. Even though she’s gotten quite loud lately (conversation? what conversation mom? YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME NOW!) I usually find her running commentary quite funny. The repeated requests for crackers, however, could go.

32 Weeks

Mar 29, 2012 — 11:57 pm

Well I hit 32 weeks pregnant this week and it seems I am getting into the somewhat uncomfortable stage. I can feel my ligaments and muscles all relaxing, which is not exactly a great thing when you are trying to use said muscles and ligaments! Yesterday I managed to do something to my wrist just pushing off the floor to stand up. If I grab something wrong today, try to squeeze too hard, a weird pain shoots up my wrist. Whoops! My ribs are still hurting from whatever the heck I did there, but thankfully that’s fading into just a dull discomfort, not a sharp pain anymore. My lower back is getting achy but I don’t want to go back to the chiropractor until my ribs heal more because ow did that hurt! (My back felt better after my last appointment… my ribs hurt more though!) And the heartburn at night can be just so gross. But All in all I’m doing really well still for having less than 8 weeks to go, but I am certainly starting to feel the strain of my growing belly.

My appointment this week was again pretty straightforward. Blood pressure remains normal, baby’s heartbeat is strong, I am growing just fine. I am very happy to keep having such boring appointments! I hope they can all be completely unremarkable until I go into labor.

I did really enjoy talking with the midwife, though! This time it was the one I saw for most of Kate’s pregnancy, I hadn’t seen her yet this time (I don’t think). So we chatted a bit about Kate’s birth and how close she came to being born in the car. I mentioned how registration had me answer a bunch of boring questions as I was about to give birth in the lobby. She said, “Well obviously you were just too calm!” I had to laugh at that, because she is right… they certainly did not think I was about to give birth. I told her how I labor, how I just zone out and relax and meditate and she was nodding and saying how hypnobirthing is like that and that you just need to trust your body to do it. She even mentioned how homebirth is generally quite safe and not a big issue, but just that our experiences and fears can make it seem like a scary proposition. I really love how my midwives are so relaxed, especially being a group that functions out of a hospital! I just don’t have words for how much I love them all.

She also talked to me about the iron pills and my blood being anemic. She explained that it’s not an issue with the baby, but rather that if you’re already anemic when you give birth and you lose some blood it can push you over the edge into “not good” territory… so they just want to make sure I get my iron levels up before then. Makes sense. And she also said how dairy inhibits iron absorption. Yeah…. I know. Which is probably why I’m anemic now when I wasn’t before… I’ve been craving cereal like crazy. So she said don’t worry about the rest of the day, eat what you want, take your prenatal in the morning, and then at night avoid dairy for two hours before bed, take the iron pill then. So that’s the plan, but still, no dairy?!

In addition to cleaning and organizing my house somewhat obsessively I’ve also started getting more into reading about, thinking about, and planning for birth. I still have a long ways to go, but I can tell I’m settling in and nesting a bit. :)