My belly-button is starting to pop… but not in the way I expected it to. I guess I kind of expected it to gradually get completely flat, and then pop up like a mountain. It’s not. What happened is that it got shallower and stretched, so that my innie is squashed closed. And now the outer rim is popping upwards, kind of like a donut. I still technically have an innie… it’s just that the outer edges are rising up. And it still only happens in the evening, after eating quite a bit… at this very moment I still have an innie that is sunk in like a funnel. It’s totally hilarious. (And no, it still doesn’t hurt at all! Go figure!)

::

I’m still getting used to being obviously pregnant. I know I’ve been showing for quite some time, but here at 6 months along I am apparently far enough that people will flat out ask me when I’m due, no more of those “Maayyybeeee she’s just fat…” looks. I love it, but it still catches me off-guard!

The other night when I was at the restaurant with my friends, when I went to the washroom there was a woman just going in with her 2 year old daughter. She looks at me and smiles and then says to her daughter, “She has a baby in her belly! See the baby?” And another day when I walked into a store the cashier, making small-talk, said pleasantly, “When are you due?” I just kind of stutter at that because I’m so unprepared for it, lol. I’m getting much better though. ;)

::

PS I am still weighing myself weekly. My mom’s scale is unfortunately not a digital so figuring out the number is kind of a ballpark. But one thing is clear: between last saturday and this saturday I gained around 5 pounds. In one week. Holy yikies! It’s helping me round out, sure – but most of it is going right back to my ass where I lost the weight when I was sick. Damnit! Stupid ass! You need to let go of your baggage!

I guess I need to stop chowing down on the sweets. That’s my new year’s resolution. Once I’m home from vacation I’m putting away all the chocolates (got quite a few as little gifts – the GOOD stuff, the stuff I can’t bear to not eat) so they’re not such a temptation and I’m going to be buying fruits and healthy snacks. I really haven’t eaten this badly in a year. I think my mother got me mixed up with the turkey… every 5 minutes she’s asking me what she can make for me. Granted she’s offering veggies and fruits as well, but oh the food. It’s so hard to turn down offered food like that!

::

The second half of 2007 sure turned out to be a wonderful year for me. I am just so very, very thankful. Today I’m going out with my mom to some of her friends’ houses to eat and visit, so I hope I’ll have a good time. I’m not really into celebrating “ringing in the new year” or anything. Den called me earlier and he was going to bed, so he’s certainly going to miss it, LOL.

Tomorrow I’ll be packing and then we have a big family dinner, a tradition on New Years Day. January 2 I go home! I am looking forward to my house, my bed, my dogs, my hubby – and not necessarily in that order! A 2 week vacation is a good length of time, I think. Just long enough that I am sad to be leaving still, but missing home.

Saying goodbye is a bitch. Especially when pregnantly hormonal and having to say goodbye to a dying dog. I’m a mess. :(

Edited to add: Sleeping is difficult when you can’t breathe and have a little one kicking you from the inside (and he’s kicking pretty hard)…. but every time he kicks I say, “Thank you, I know you’re there, I love you.” Amidst being so sad at leaving, I like the constant reminders that the most important thing in my life is coming with me. And of course my husband being at home waiting for me – I miss him so much. At least that balances out leaving, to some degree. Doesn’t make me any less sad… but it gives me something to look forward to.

I am home, safe and sound! The day went pretty smoothly, considering that three separate flights were involved in my travel across the U.S.

I have also decided that Northwest Air has the MOST uncomfortable seats in the entire world. I didn’t used to think so, but now I am sure. My pregnant butt does NOT like those seats – my tail bone starts aching after about a half hour and gets progressively worse. So, like the flights to Canada, I used my poor winter coat to give me a little softer seat and take some pressure off my tailbone. It worked, I suppose.

The other main complaint of the day was my freakin’ knee. I do not think this is pregnancy related, though it may have gotten worse because of pregnancy… but I remember this being an issue before. My right knee just starts aching and aching, and nothing save standing up relieves it. I was spending some time massaging around my knee trying to help, stretching my legs, folding my legs… anything I could. And it’s only my right knee. So I haven’t a clue what would cause that.

Oh did I mention the shin splints? Yeah, those again. Walking brisky through the Seattle/Tacoma airport quickly let me know how miserable navigating airports was going to be. “Hobble” would be a better word for my method of travel. Thank the light for airport shuttles right? Well, even though people took the few seats before I got there.

And finally, there was the heartburn. Gag gag. I have no idea why it was so bad today, I guess just some poor eating choices…. I should not have ordered those chicken strips on New Year’s day, and I most certainly should not have had one for breakfast yesterday. (After that I ate only a muffin and a huge ham and tomato wrap at the airports.) I guess it was just one of those days where everything I touched gave me heartburn. Blech.

So other than all that, it all went well. Got through security and customs very quickly, no issues (boy is it nice to cross the border without a problem! I love that permanent resident card!), my bags all made it onto all their planes, no flights were delayed… it was a pretty uneventful day, on the whole. I like travel days like that. I do wish that my travel days were a little shorter, but you know… the parents live a good long distance away. Sigh.

And luckily I was so focussed on having everything with me, getting to my next flight, etc, that I had no time to sit and cry or think about the fact that I was leaving. And now that I’m home, in my own bed (which, by the way, IS SO NICE AND SOFT!!!), everything else just kind of fades a little bit. I’m home, I’m safe.

Of course the house is a mess of fur and clutter, and it’s my job to clean it. The cat was just yowling outside the bedroom door (he wants to come in to accost us while we sleep), and the dog spent a good hour whining that daddy was paying more attention to mommy than him (and so he was grabbing random scraps of tissue and paper and eating them – just because he knows he’s not supposed to)… and while sitting here in the dark (dark, because it’s the only way I can get the dogs to settle down and sleep instead of squeaking toys all night) there was a crash out in the living room. Do I really want to know? Probably not.

I guess it’s the family’s way of saying, “Welcome home mom! Vacation’s over.” And we’re adding a baby into this chaos? We must be nuts.

Pregnancy encompasses many not-pretty things. This is one of them.

Late last night on a forum some girls were laughing over how going commando (sans-underwear, for those who don’t know) is certainly not an option during pregnancy. We were all talking, of course, about the copious amounts of fluids that just sort of hang out down below.

Not an hour later I got up to go to the kitchen to put the kettle on the stove, then go to the washroom. In that order. (Bad idea.) I dutifully put my underwear and pants on, made my way into the kitchen… and promptly sneezed and peed myself. Ugh. Oh yeah. There’s that reason, too.

Did I mention I’ve been stuffed up since I got home? I think it’s just my sinuses adjusting to the cold here, or whatever change in environment. All I know is that I keep sneezing. You can always tell it’s me sneezing, since instead of, “Excuse me!” you’ll hear, “God damnit, not again!!” After the second time changing my underwear today I gave in and wore a panty-liner.

Middle of the night, laying here poking around shopping sites on my laptop, I feel the mounting need to pee, probably excaberated by the little one dancing around in there, jiggling things that probably shouldn’t be jiggled. Finally I get up the energy to heave myself out of bed (yes, this takes effort and planning)… and while doing so, managed to swallow wrong. I needed to cough. Bad. But here I am, naked, bladder full. Coughing would be very very bad, I am sure of this. So I end up making a mad dash to the toilet, choking and trying desperately not to cough. Yep, good times people. Good times. (You’ll be relieved to know I made it.)

Oh kid, how much you are going to hate reading this journal. I think I’m going to get it printed and bound, just for you. Maybe your wife will someday find it hysterical.

::

My legs are really quite angry with me about the long travel day. I had a very restless, sore night last night, punctuated with a calf cramp or two. All day I’ve been fighting foot cramps, I have to keep massaging them out and flexing my feet very very carefully. And I bought some bananas.

::

More online “window” shopping tonight. Because it’s the next best thing to actually spending money.

I want a silver “first year” frame. Baby’s First Year Boxed Frame – Circles or maybe this one My First Year Frame – Ovals

This Wendy Bellissimo outfit is way too cute, but it only comes in size Newborn. :( Waahhhh. Devin will probably be in newborn for all of a week. But gosh is that ever cute.

For a baby memory book I finally chose the Carter’s Train book and I cannot wait to get it!

::

Damnit, why was I tired at 9pm and now at 3am I’m WIDE awake (and starving, of course). I think I’m going to have to go find some food – again – before I can even attempt to sleep. There will be no sleeping while my stomach is growling.

I will point out, however, that I went grocery shopping yesterday and bought only good foods: fruits, orange juice, yogurt, whole-grain bread and cereal. I feel better about myself already. It is very hard to avoid the chocolates, now that I’ve gotten my sweet tooth back (always been my problem), but the numbers on the scale have scared me enough that I have been scared back into healthy eating. LOL I just keep reminding myself that it’s what Devin needs. I allowed myself to be a pig for two whole weeks… now it’s back to reality. And it’s not as if I’m starving myself or forcing myself to eat foods that I hate… I still don’t eat things if I don’t like them. But the apples and pears and Cheerios and toast… I like it a lot. I just need to avoid the junky foods, that’s all.

::

I really am hating this stuffed nose. I had gotten used to living in a state of half-cloggedness, but now suddenly I can’t breathe at night. I am irritated. That’s half the reason I am not sleeping well… my bed is comfortable as all heck, but soon as I lay down I can’t breathe! (Heck, I can barely breathe sitting up, right now.) I hope this is a passing phase.

Here’s one thing I really don’t understand: baby-proofing your home BEFORE your baby is born. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for baby-proofing your home and making sure it’s safe. But, ummm, newborns aren’t mobile. In fact… they pretty much stay in one place and poop and pee a lot. It’s not like you’re bringing home a puppy who is going to want to immediately chew everything in sight (been there, done that). These checklists I’m reading, they make it sound like you can’t possibly bring home a newborn until you have all cords put away and all electric outlets plugged. Me, I’ll be happy if we have a fur-free, safe place to put the baby. I’ll do the rest when it’s needed. (That, and freaking out. Mobile kid… yikes!)

Yep, so today confirms it: I’m sick. All that stuffiness and not being able to breathe? Apparently not just pregnancy. I slept in today – not really on purpose, but I was feeling pretty cruddy and not wanting to get up – and woke up to a sore throat. Joy. It’s not bad yet, but I can definitely feel that something’s off in my body. Probably due to the really cold weather here and, like Den pointed out, the crappy eating habits of the past two weeks have probably not helped my immune system out any.

Here’s hoping it’s a short-lived thing and I can get over it quickly. Den’s going to make me soup when I get home from work (though at this pace I may be there all freakin’ night!). I wanna just crawl back into bed and try to sleep some more… even though my sleep was very broken because I was cold and my legs are still hurting a bit (though not as much as they were).

Looks like it’s going to be a fun weekend.

Doing something on my baby to-do list: researching college savings plans. I need to open one to attach to my new credit card, specifically a 529 plan. So I’m looking up what my options are and what this consists of. Here’s one that I’ve found for MA.

Head spinning. I know NOTHING about investing. NOTHING. The most I’ve ever done is “invest” in my old credit union at a pretty good interest rate. I was paid at the end of the year. I don’t have a retirement plan, we don’t have mutual funds, we don’t have stock. I am a total n00b at this. Index Funds? Portfolios?? Translation required!! Holy shit, the application “kit” is 73 pages long! But apparently I could get an out-of-state plan. Arg. Choices.

Bugger this, it’s all greek. I’ll have to get Den to look at it. And it appears we can’t actually apply until Devin is a real person with social security number, so I guess I’m safe for now. I’ll check this off my to-do list and put it aside until he’s been born.

4:15am Saturday morning, sleeping isn’t going so well (every time I lay down I feel like my head balloons). But it’s technically Saturday. 27 weeks. Third trimester.

Holy %!$#!%#.

It doesn’t even feel possible, really. How is my second tri already over? Where did that time go?

Now we’re coming to crunch time. Lists time. Gotta-get-stuff-done time. I have a pretty extensive to-do list, and hopefully we’ll actually get through it before the baby joins the party of life outside the womb. I’m not quite panicking yet… just feeling bound and determined. And I’m writing a lot of lists. List-Therapy. Yeah. Like I said to someone else, I kind of suck at the follow-through, but I am awesome at writing lists.

I look forward to purchasing the items I have bookmarked all across the web as “to buy before baby comes.” The money scares me a little, though.

Yesterday I was researching and comparing prefold diaper prices online and ended up staring at the wet bags I have had bookmarked for months and months. Lo and behold, this time they had a fabric that I really liked available (the blue watercolor flowers one, if you’re curious). So I bookmarked it in my mind and reminded myself to go buy what I need “later.” 10 minutes later I’m sitting here thinking, wait a minute. Why don’t I just order them now, while they have what I like in stock? It costs around $20. I mean duh. So I ordered them. Now I’m inquiring about the cloth wipes I want…. made by a SAHM for cheaper than anything from a “name brand”, and they come in a ton of really really cute fabric choices! I’ll probably be ordering the prefolds soonish, too.

::

To kind of commemorate my finishing my second trimester, I wrote this for one of my forums. I kind of want to keep it.

* * *

I have a sinus cold. I frequently pee my pants when I sneeze. My legs are super sore from travelling. My house is freezing cold… and it’s absolutely fridgid outside. The cats just knocked over the stupid baby gate YET AGAIN, and the dog won’t stop whining (he’s in time-out after eating some of my tissues). In short, I have a lot I could complain about.

And yet all I can think about tonight is how very lucky and blessed that I am. We went through so much to get pregnant… we had run out of insurance and I had literally given up hope when the last IVF worked. Our last chance. Our one embryo. And he decided to stick around.

I am contantly reminded of how lucky I am, every day when I feel him kick and wiggle in my belly. Even when he kicks something uncomfortable, I still have to laugh and pat my stomach and tell him thank you for reminding me you’re still there.

I am just in awe at what my body knows how to do naturally. I feel like I was made to be pregnant… like this is what I’ve been waiting my whole life for. I’ve never felt more comfortable in my body. I feel gorgeous. I look in the mirror and just stare in amazement at my beautiful baby belly. I think it is just perfect. Even how my belly button has started to pop out, and the blue veins all over my belly and boobs. I love how my body is changing.

My baby shower has been booked for February 16. Hubby helped MIL find the location (where he works – he got it for free!) and the only “cost” of the use of the club is that we have to pay for a bartender… who happens to be my hubby. So we get the place for free, AND my hubby will be there and get to share in the excitement! I am SO excited. I’m positively giddy that we get to have a party for MY BABY. My wonderful, beautiful little boy. I am so so happy to be able to celebrate this with family and friends.

AND my hubby told me today that my best friend in the whole entire world has booked flights to come to my shower!!!! Of course it still rides on her and her baby being healthy enough to fly, but we don’t anticipate any issues. I am SO excited!!

I have 3 months left in this pregnancy, and I’m scared and excited and anxious and everything in between. I’m nervous about becoming a mommy in truth, having a newborn to take care of. I’m so so excited to get to meet this little child that I’ve been growing, to discover his personality and see what he looks like and watch him learn and grow. I’m very sad that I have only 3 months left of being pregnant before I go back to being “just me” again. And I’m a little anxious about getting everything done in time! Time has just flown by, even though I have tried my utmost to enjoy every single second.

Life is far from perfect, but there is SO much to be thankful for. This pregnancy is the biggest blessing I could ever have received.

And now to contrast all the happy stuff… I am feeling really freakin’ irritated right now. You see, yesterday when I called Den from work to moan that I felt cruddy he made me call the Midwife office to ask if there’s anything I can take for this damn congestion. So I did. And they said, Sudafed! I was surprized by that, I really thought they were going to tell me I was SOL and would just have to suffer through.

The problem is that it made me think I would feel better. I’m not really a huge fan of medications on the whole, but when you have to still work and clean the house you tend to really like to sleep sometimes in between days. So yes, when I’m sick sometimes I can be coaxed into taking something. (Yes coaxed… hubby generally has to convince me to. Even that time I had the flu really bad, he was really forcing me to take some gross nasty stuff, because I wouldn’t on my own.)

So I got home and took some Sudafed. In the middle of the night I took another. This morning another. And you know what? I still feel just as crappy. I don’t notice any difference at all. WTF? I realize it’s not going to miraculously “cure” me, but I thought I would see some kind of improvement. Drinking a hot chocolate helped far more than this so-called decongestant. (This is not the first time that a drug failed to do anything to me. I remember taking some medication, it was supposed to make me drowsy, it apparently knocks Den righ tout. Yeah. It didn’t do a thing.)

One nostril is totally stuffed, and the other is irritated and bleeding a little bit. It’s lovely. I mean, I’m thankful that both aren’t totally stuffed, but I would love to lay on my left side without suffocating. I don’t like sleeping on my right side nearly as much.

So yeah. I’m not horribly sick, it’s not like I’m dying or anything. I’m not in pain (well, my nose is raw, but it’s nothing bad), I’m just tired and irritated. I hope my body kicks this out quickly or I’m going to be one crabby pregnant woman.

(Tell that to the cats. They’ve decided I’m already a crabby pregnant woman. They were SULKING at me because I kept tossing them off the kitchen counter. I am threatening to buy scat mats if they don’t stay the eff off my counter. Apparently me grousing and tossing them off 12 times in 5 minutes is not getting through their stubborn little cat heads of theirs. I have enough fur in my food as it is, without having a cat walking over my dish five times! Damn!)

Window shopping is bad. Bad bad bad.

Wouldn’t one of these two be a great coming-home outfit??
Gymboree Toy Train Stripe Velour One-Piece
and
Gymboree Toy Train Stripe Two-Piece

And oh my, Kohls has some cute jackets!! Our boy will need a little jacket, don’t you think? In April?

Carters Bear Jacket – Brown/Cream
and
Carters Bear Jacket – Blue

I haven’t bought anything yet. Yet. Deenniissss, our son needs cute clothes! Lots of them!! *twitch*

Update: Last night I considered buying the jacket thing, at $12 it’s not too bad. Then I added it to my cart and saw that shipping was going to be nearly $7! Ummm, no. So I walked away. This morning I started twitching and thinking, “Am I going to regret not getting that? I probaly am, aren’t I…” so I went back to the Kohl’s website. And the website has changed on the front page, different “sale”. I checked the jackets, they’re at the same price they were yesterday. But there’s now a sign saying “$.99 standard shipping on every item!” Sweeeeet. That wasn’t there yesterday. Unfortunately the cart is still showing the same shipping price, but I’m willing to bet they just haven’t updated everything yet. ;) So I watch and wait, ready to pounce. Rawr!

Update2: Got the jacket for $.99 shipping! Yippee!! I’m so happy by this I can almost forget that I can’t breathe. ;)

When on the phone with Den (he’s at work today) I told him about my most awesome score. There was silence.
Him: “But did you get ME anything?”
Me: “No, but you said you don’t like the generic sports stuff.”
Him: “Well no. But what about ME? I want something shiny!”
Me: “Okay honey… I’ll buy you a jacket with bear ears on it too!”