Den felt Devin kick tonight! For sure kicks, not little “I think I felt something…” like last time. Devin is always very active in the evenings when I lay/sit down… when I get quiet, he gets active! So tonight when we got into bed Den put his hand on my belly and waited. And sure enough, 2 minutes later, there was a *thump* on his hand. Den’s head jerked up and he stared at me for confirmation, and I just nodded a “Yep, that was him alright!” He is supremely pleased about this. :D Of course he couldn’t stay awake for more than 2 good kicks and is snoring now, but I know he’s really thrilled that he finally got to feel it. I think he’s been quite jealous that only I got to feel it up to this point!

I’m getting quite curious as to what position Devin is in. I really don’t think he stays in one position for long, even still though. I know I read a baby update from some site for week 24 (a friend posted it) and it said the baby is getting a little cramped and isn’t able to do somersaults very much anymore. I said, “Ha!” No one apparently told Devin that little tidbit. I KNOW he moves around a lot. One hour he’ll be kicking a ton in the upper right of my belly. The next he’ll be way down low. So light only knows what he’s doing in there!

And why is it that when Devin kicks I get hungry?

::

The past two nights have been… shitty. Even during the day I am not sleeping very well. I get little aches in my hips, which is so minor and yet irritating… but mostly I just am restless and keep waking up for no reason. Then I have to pee. Then I get cold. I am getting frustrated! I just want some good sleep damnit.

This morning at 7:30am (which is before I like to get up, since I’m a night owl – as you’ll see by the timestamps on almost all of my posts) one of the dogs puked all over their dog bed in their crate. So there was me, in my jammies, tired and really freakin’ cold, scrubbing up nasty dog puke. So to all those people who say I have no idea what it’s going to be like changing diapers and cleaning up puke all the time, I say BITE ME. Given the choice between changing a diaper inside my warm house or bundling up and marching out into the pouring rain and ice to take my dog to poop…. I’ll choose the diaper, thanks. (No, we do not have a fenced yard or any way to just “let the dogs out” – if they have to go, it means we go with them, and then bitch at them for the next 10 minutes while they apparently enjoy the rain and snow and fool around before pooping.)

::

Now I don’t know if he’s kicking my cervix or if this is just pelvic pain from things getting wider… but every few seconds I’m practically jumping. *pain* OUCH! Then it goes away. *pain* OUCH! Arrggg.

::

One change in my body that I have been noticing especially in the last few weeks: my limbs keep falling asleep. Something as simple as sitting cross-legged (which I do ALL the time, always have) causes my feet to fall asleep. Tucking one foot under my other leg tends to cause that leg to go numb. Even just laying in bed sometimes I have to flex and kick my legs a little bit to get the blood moving. I can definitely tell that circulation is not what it used to be.

Getting lots of little leg cramps, too. I have to be very careful. This has been going on for a couple of months so I’m used to it, but I learned very quickly to NEVER EVER point my toes when I stretch. Or ever, really. It’s just a bad thing. Thankfully flexing my feet manages to discourage most cramps soon as I feel them starting, but I get them in my calfs mostly, sometimes my feet. Leg cramps are something I’ve dealt with for years – certainly not an uncommon occurrence to have to launch out of bed middle of the night and press my foot against a wall to flex the muscle. So I’m not exactly surprized that I’m dealing with this. I’m just glad it’s minor still…. those big ones hurt like a mother-something and I’m happy to avoid them.

It’s amazing how my body redirects my bloodflow to my midsection now that I’m housing a little creature. There are so many big blue veins that are visible from beneath my very pale skin, all along the sides of my belly and in my boobs too. I don’t really find them unsightly… just weird.

No new stretch marks so far, though my belly sure is looking stretched around the belly button! I know it has a long ways to go though. My hips have big silver stretch marks on them… but… that was from my previous weight gain, not pregnancy. Just the fact that they’re there tells me I’ll probably end up with more before the baby’s here, though.

I wonder how different my body will look afterwards.

::

I was just looking at those recent photos I posted of me, and I started thinking about how Devin will look at them one day and see his mom. Will he think I looked crazy young? Will he laugh and say, “Mom, I can’t believe you looked like THAT once upon a time! You look so different!”

It’s quite a mind-trip, isn’t it. I can’t believe I’m going to be someone’s mom.

“So I did an experiment.”
“What’s that?”
“I didn’t take my unisom last night.”
“And how’s that working?”
“I think I’m going to puke.”
“Go take your unisom.”
“Going now.”

Of course, I didn’t actually make it to the table where my meds are before heaving up a whole bunch of stomach acid into the toilet. Golly gee, my favorite kind of pukings! (It’s really quite sad when you actually have different degrees of pukings.) Nasty shit.

Morning sickness: lots
Me: still 0

Nearly 24 weeks and still puking. Well I am one of the lucky ones, aren’t I.

Well it’s 5pm, 12 hours after I first got sick, and I am STILL miserable. Not only am I nauseated as all hell, but my belly HURTS after all the puking I’ve done (4 times and counting). I can’t keep anything down except some liquids. Even a couple of crackers came back up.

I’ve been trying to work (in bed, on my laptop), but I think I’m just going to curl up and attempt to sleep….

Just a note to say that I feel a ton better this morning. I have yet to eat anything, but I’m going to go do that shortly… but I don’t anticipate any issues with it. Last night I was able to eat some ice cream and feel fine (actually the ice cream felt REALLY good on my throat!).

During the night I used pillows to prop between my knees and against my back. I simply had one at my front and one at my back, so when I rolled over I still had a pillow there. If I layed on my side I put the pillow between my knees, but sometimes I slept in my “normal” pose, hugging the pillow to my chest with one knee up on it, the other leg stretched out. Both were comfortable with the pillow, and neither one made my hips ache (a problem I’ve had the last few nights). I got the first *restful* sleep I have had in a week. Thank goodness for that. I was getting very cranky without a good night’s sleep.

The cat is apparently very needy today because he’s walking all over my keyboard and stepping on my belly and will NOT leave me alone (and this is Jo, not Merlin!). So I guess that’s my cue to get up. Cats!

We’re supposed to be getting quite the snowstorm this afternoon, so I need to get moving to work early so I can get home before it gets bad.

At this point I have no idea what’s going on with my body. I definitely feel better today – no puking – but I’m certainly not up to par. Just lots of nausea throughout the day. I really had to force myself to eat because any time I’d try to think of something to eat, just picturing eating it made me green. I took my unisom last night, so I don’t know what’s going on… either something else is at work and it’s a total coincidence, or I managed to really push my body out of whack yesterday. Which isn’t out of the realm of possibility… I get sick, I puke up everything and can’t keep anything down, an empty stomach makes me feel more nauseated, and so on and so forth. That’s why today’s goal was simply to get food in me, something that I have managed to do successfully so far.

Plus it’s not really helping that Devin is SUPER active in there today, stirring up lots of gas and not really helping things settle down at all! Maybe he’s just excited that there’s more room in there today, lol.

::

Yesterday not only was I puking and miserable because of it, but my legs were aching. I know it’s because they’re not getting much bloodflow as they used to… they’ve been falling asleep really easily (things as simple as sitting cross-legged can cause some numbness) and even just laying in bed was causing mild aches. It wasn’t normally painful, but it’s consistently irritating, like I just want to jiggle and shake them to get the blood flowing. By evening, however, it was painful and Den massaged my legs a little bit. It helped, but he can’t massage my legs all day.

So I did something I haven’t done in a year: I took a bath. A HOT bath. I only drew enough water to cover my legs, so my belly and chest were completely out of the water…. all I wanted to do is soak my damn legs and get them warmed up and relaxed. This is not exactly an easy thing because our water heater has some major issues with the faucet in the bathtub… it can’t keep up. so I had to fill it with the shower head attachment. Which took a long time. I heated up a huge pot of water on the stove to add, since far too often by the time I crawl into the bathtub it’s already lukewarm and totally defeats the purpose of having a bath! (You can see why I don’t do this very often… it’s a pain in the ass.)

All I can say is that bath was the most blissful thing EVER. And I don’t even LIKE baths, I find them boring and uncomfortable. But yesterday, soaking those poor legs… I just sat there, slouched with my boobs hanging on my belly, raggedy hair flopped around my face, mouth slack like some kind of druggie as I just let the warm water soothe my legs. Den walked in and started laughing at me. He said my belly looked totally cute… but that my hair looked aweful. LOL But he was great… he’d come in every few minutes and pour in more of the steaming water.

I tell you man, suddenly the whole idea of a waterbirth made sense to me. Unfortunately my hospital does not do actual waterbirths, but they have one hydrotherapy tub for laboring in. I want that tub. After my bath I wanted to drive down to the hospital and write my name on that tub so no one will take it from me. Den says he has lots of connections at the hospital, so I told him he needs to pull strings to make sure when I go into labor that tub is ready and waiting for me. I highly highly encourage every other woman due around the same time as me who will be birthing at this hospital to get epidurals. You hear me? Epidurals are good! Get one! (If you get an epidural, you can’t use the tub. Hah!)

So anyways, now that I’ve established that… ;) I’ve been trying to take better care of my legs since the bath, as I really don’t want to have to keep dealing with this… if I can prevent it, all the better. Thus the sleeping with pillows under my knees. And also, when sitting in bed I have a pillow under my knees. I didn’t do it before because I figured that raising my legs would not be a good thing… but apparently giving them a more natural bend really is helping. They are far more comfortable.

Yet again it all comes down to listening to my body better and adapting to its changing needs.

Last night I’m laying in bed, belly sticking up, uncovered, as I type and Devin starts to kick. And he kept on moving. I could SEE it. He was pushing and stretching and kicking and my belly was rolling and rippling. Freaky and so cool at the same time!! There really is a little person in there!

Of course as soon as I called out to get Den’s attention (he was in the other room) Devin stopped.

But he was active all night. I was trying to fall asleep and I had to switch to my right side, because when I was laying on my left he was kicking on my left and it was ticklish in an uncomfortable kind of way! I much prefer him on my right (which he usually is!).

::

We had a major storm come through yesterday… we have at least a foot of snow out there. Thankfully it stopped last night, Den shovelled the driveway, and the plows have been through, so it shouldn’t be too bad out there. Good thing, since I have an appointment this morning! I hope the traffic doesn’t totally suck. It’s funny because I’m not even from the north-east, we didn’t get a whole lot of snow near Vancouver, and yet I’m the one who is fine with driving in the stuff and everyone else seems to freak out!

Will report when I return. I expect another uneventful appointment – oh and it’s with yet another of the midwives. Fingers crossed they’re all as nice as the other two.

Due to the snowstorm yesterday I left early for the appointment – good thing, too, since people were slow driving, despite the roads being clear (ugh). The parking lot, however, wasn’t clear. It appeared several vehicles there had been there through the storm, and the little plows were just starting to scoot around clearing spaces. Which were mostly full. Of cars. So it was a snowy, slushy, car-filled pit, and still no one can park correctly. I don’t know what it was about that parking lot, I think everyone who parks there is a complete and utter MORON. I am going to hit another car there before this kid is out. But I did find an (unplowed) space and parked and got in on time.

I was called in shortly. Took my blood pressure (120/62), weight (yep I’ve gained a lot), urine sample. All fine. She weighed me twice to make sure the number was correct, heh.

I sat and waited briefly for the midwife to arrive. It was, yet again, another new midwife I haven’t seen before. This is getting a little frustrating for me, as I have to re-explain my situation to everyone… the IVF, the depression and anti-depressants. She had barely glanced at my chart before walking in.

She did say, however, that I’m anemic. I pointed out that the midwife last appointment said I was “slightly anemic” and that it was normal for pregnancy. This midwife frowned and said it was normal for later pregnancy, but that I was already anemic when I started out. Which is news to me – no one mentioned that my iron was low early on, the last appointment was the first I’d heard of it. So this midwife suggested iron suppliments and faxed in a prescription for me… I figure it’s no big deal, just another pill. But I am a little concerned that two different midwives see the same lab report and have different reactions.

I still have absolutely no answer on the anti-depressants, btw. When I explained it all she said she “doesn’t see why” it would be fine for pregnancy and bad for breastfeeding. I know there are issues, however. She suggested choosing a pediatrician and getting their take on it. I’m just frustrated that no one can give me some clear answers. It appears the midwives never did any research on it. :( Three visits, three midwives, three “personal opinions” – not enough for me. And now I have to go see a pediatrician about it?? This American system is driving me nuts. (One general doc who normally prescribes the anti-depressants; an ob/midwife who handles me during pregnancy, since the general doc won’t; and now a doctor for the baby, who presumably will handle the issue while I’m breastfeeding!) A friend suggested I consult an LC about breastfeeding and medications, which is a great idea. I’ll have to contact some in this area anyways.

Up on the table to feel my uterus and measure it (first time!). 22cm. She said the cms usually correlate to the number of weeks you are, but for some reason they had me down as 23 weeks instead of (nearly) 24. Oh well. I didn’t bother correcting them, they have my correct due date. She listened for baby’s heartbeat… she didn’t tell me what the rate was, but it was clear and strong. And then he started kicking the doppler. lol

As we were finishing up she asked where I worked. Oh boy. I dread that question, I really do. “Cat sanctuary” just opens up a whole lot of questions. It worked out well though – she was very interested and impressed and was telling everyone in the office what a cool job I had, and one of the other ladies working there asked for the sanctuary’s contact numbers as she’s looking to adopt a cat. But I was having a hard time focussing and giving clear, correct answers… my brain just doesn’t function before 9am. There are times when you really wish you had a boring job, lol.

I guess I’m just feeling let down by the lack of personal connection. My previous midwife knew me. Even when I only came in once a year, she knew me, she knew I was doing IVF, she knew I worked with cats. I really really liked her. If she did deliveries I would be with her in a heartbeat, but it absolutely kills me that I’d see her only for all the visits, then get stuck with someone else for the birth. :( Even my situation now is only slightly better, as I have no idea which of the many midwives will be on-call at the time… but at least they’re all midwives from the same practice. I just want to have one person who I can get to know and connect with, who will be the person there at the birth. Someone I know in trust. And sadly that is becoming very difficult to find. :( Almost all practices function on a rotating basis, and there’s bound to be someone among them that you don’t like or connect with.

I know I’m very short on sleep (another bad night), irritable, and hormonal this morning, but I’m quite upset with the switch in practices right now. I feel like I sacrificed something and I have no idea if it’ll be worth it in the end.

I woke up this morning to silence in my belly. I kind of smiled and just rested with my hands on my belly, picturing Devin peacefully asleep. Of course he woke up shortly thereafter and started moving around. lol He’s an active kid! Yesterday he was awake all day, it seemed, kicking me while I was working and while I was making dinner. He’s usually pretty tame when I’m up and about, but oh no not yesterday.

The other significant change about his movements is that he’s dropped lower. I am hoping it’s a temporary thing. He was always up very high, at or above my belly button. Then yesterday – and this morning – all kicks have been down much lower just above my pubic area. And I have to PEE. All. The. Time. Damn it’s driving me crazy!! I haven’t had to pee this much at ALL this pregnancy, and I think I made more trips to the bathroom yesterday than I have in a normal WEEK. And I would pee like a tiny tiny bit, then as soon as I left the bathroom I felt like I had to go again. I think soon I will be hanging myself upside down in an attempt to dislodge Devin from my bladder. I know it’s going to come later, but I’m not even in my third tri yet… move over, kiddo!!

Two nights ago he was hanging out on my left side as I was trying to sleep on my left – which is very unusual for him, he’s almost always on my right. It was rather ticklish in uncomfortable way. I don’t know why it felt so funny, but I didn’t like that much! So I rolled over and managed to shift him enough to my right that I could fall asleep. I guess I’m lucky there’s enough room in there for him still!

I can certainly see how this is going to get more and more uncomfortable as time progresses and as he grows. Maybe by the end I’ll even be wishing for my body back. But I’m not there yet!

I am getting a little nervous about the flight on Wednesday, especially if he doesn’t move off my bladder. I haven’t had any issues up until now, of course. Now I’m feeling very happy I picked aisle seats!!

Major upset stomach tonight. Don’t know if was the ham, the pear, or just Devin stirring things up in there… but oh man. (And I don’t mean puking. A different kind of stomach upheaval! I am thankfully past the puking.)

The more I think about it, the more I think that last Wednesday was something other than straight morning sickness. I’ve forgotten to take my pills before and never had it hit me so hard so quickly. It seems like a huge coincidence, but who really knows. I’m just glad it’s over with and I have my appetite back.

::

We leave in 3 days. Yikes!! I’m just now searching online to find the current screening proceedures and what is allowed in carry-ons and what isn’t. I can bring a small tube of moisturizer, my lip balm, and my nail clippers!! Yay!! (The three things I HATE to fly without – so dry!) Plus, anything purchased within the airport after security – like bottled water – is okay to take on the plane. Whew. Our flights don’t even provide meals, though you can purchase a “snack pack” (what a rip off!). I’m going to have to be packing or buying lots of snacks for myself, for sure.

I actually enjoy christmas shopping, and I love wrapping, but I’m working all day monday and tuesday, we leave wednesday, and I was hoping to get to the mall before we go. Today is another big snowstorm so Den’s forbidding me to leave the house, so that’s out. Guess I’ll have to do some evening shopping… bummer. I like to avoid shopping when everyone else is there. But it’ll feel great to get the last things off my list! We still are going to do shopping in Canada once we’re there, as we were kind of hoping to avoid carrying a bunch of presents with us. But that’s okay with me.

Shoot I still need to get my hair cut too. Add that to my list for mon/tues…

Once I get to my parents I will hopefully have very little to do besides enjoy myself. That is the plan, at least!

I went to the grocery store yesterday to buy milk. Just milk to last me until Wednesday (and as an aside, apparently a half gallon only lasts a day and a half). I also ended up buying a big package of sugar cookies, with the intention of eating a couple and bringing the rest to work.

AH HA HA HA. Yeah. Right.

So all day I’ve been pacing the house.
“What’s up babe?”
“I want another cooookiiieeeee!”
“So have one!”
Husband is really not helpful here. He is encouraging me! Bad! Bad husband!

Those cookies ARE going to work tomorrow.

And I am STILL hungry. I don’t know what else I can eat! It’s all I can think about… I stand in the kitchen and go through cupboards… what can I eat, what can I eat?? I need something more substantial. Maybe nuts would do. Okay, not likely. I think a lot about going out to eat… some big meal, like chicken francaise or beef marsala. With a baked potato and a salad. And rolls. Gosh I don’t remember ever being this hungry. It appears it’s either nausea for me (when thinking about eating makes me feel a little sick) or extreme hunger. I expect the weight gain to continue in a drastic way, especially through Christmas. It is strange, but this is the FIRST time I have ever eagerly looked forward to a large turkey and stuffing holiday meal. Bring it ON.

::

Today I got to see a little bit more wiggles from my belly, though every time I looked down he’d stop. The most interesting thing is that I now feel movement from both sides of my belly at the same time. Kick kick on my right, push push on my left. Definitely stretching out with all limbs. It really does remind me how big he’s getting!

My belly is getting larger and tighter and my belly button is disappearing, disappearing. It’s getting very shallow. The weirdest thing to me, however, is that, as tight and stretched as my belly is, it has no stretch marks yet. That’s not the strange part, I wouldn’t expect to have any yet. The strange part is that I’m getting stretch marks on my boobs!! I’ve gone from a C to a… C. It’s a fuller C, but WTF? I’m not 100% certain it’s stretch marks, they’re on the under side of my boobs and could be simply crinkle marks from sleeping on them, etc… but they sure do look suspiciously like stretch marks.

::

Time for bed. I have a very busy 2 days ahead of me, and my internal clock is now predictably all messed up.