Well… I feel “heavy” down below and my CM has the slightest tint of pink to it. If AF doesn’t arrive by tomorrow I’ll be very surprized.

I started spotting. Went to the bathroom… I could just feel that something was different. I sat there for a few seconds just staring at the wall, sighed. This is all so frustrating. We’re doing everything right, timing it right.

Oh my. I also just ate a cheeseburger that Den brought home for me… I went to the bathroom, then crawled into bed… and immediately started getting some small cramps and stomach rumbles. Period definitely almost here.

I haven’t actually cried over this TTC thing yet, though every month I just lay here in bed and feel heavy of heart and full of disappointment. I feel like I want to cry, but don’t. I guess I haven’t reached that point yet, and that’s good.

Den will be going for his SA (sperm analysis) next month sometime, we’ve agreed. And I have an appointment with my new ob/gyn, though that won’t really be to talk about why I haven’t conceived yet (I’m sure he won’t want to discuss anything yet until we’ve been trying for a while longer – they recommend 6-12 months before doing anything). I just wish I knew if it was simply bad luck or if there’s something preventing it from happening, either with me or with him. Once we do the SA, if it’s all normal, I’ll feel a lot better about just letting nature take its course for a while yet.

Yup… woke up to my period. When I did wake up I took my temp, purely out of curiousity… and it was still high at 98.5. Which was mean, because I knew it was over anyways. Well, in a last-ditch attempt I took a preg test (Answer Early) – I keep hearing stories about women who get their period even though they’re pregnant – I just like to be sure. But nope.

So, on to our break cycle. It’ll be hard to NOT try this month, since it’s all we’ve been doing the past four months. But we really don’t want a christmas baby. When Den came to bed he told me he’s going to see the doctor, so at least we’re on the same page. I hope the doctor doesn’t argue, since we’ve only been TTC for 4 months… but an SA is so easy to do, and it’ll be good to know.

That sheep with the “baaaa” makes me giggle every time I open this page. I’ve always been amused by small things. ;)

Den’s now saying he wants to keep trying this month too. I’m considering it, though only because I don’t think we’d get pregnant! Right now I just want to get pregnant, but I know if I did I’d be pretty upset to be having a christmas baby. You know me and my getting upset because numbers are off or some weird thing. :wink: It’s kind of funny, I find that I’m more in tune with the possible-birth-month than I am with what month it is now. We just ended the November cycle, going on to the December cycle… but sometimes I forget what the actual date is now!

My period is really light this month. Today is more normal, but all cramps and queasiness has stopped – I didn’t even realize it until Den pointed out that I seem to be doing much better than expected. I usually spend two days whining and moaning in bed. It all means nothing at all, except that I’m having a good month, lol. I never used to get cramps. It was a very nasty surprize when I started getting them, years ago. Now it’s just par for the course. :(

Okay, so it’s more than light. Today I’m doing little more than spotting. It’s almost gone, and it’s only day 3. My body just isn’t at all consistent, is it.

I just don’t know what to do this month. I’m such an impatient person that I can’t stand the thought of waiting an extra month… waiting in between cycles is hard enough. And I hate the thought of wasting a chance. But on the other hand, when I wasn’t feeling this time-pressure I felt very strongly about not having a December baby. I just think of the holidays and how hectic they already are, and how travelling for my parents is going to be a bitch (if my due date was mid-december they’d probably be here for christmas – not saying that’s a bad thing, but that would be so overwhelming and they’d miss the traditional family christmas back home). Which all sounds silly, I’m sure, but hey it’s my mind, it thinks what it wants to, ha.

So today I had my first appointment with my new ob/gyn. I got there a little early, which is good since I woke up late and flew out the door. :shock: Handed over my already-filled-out paperwork, my insurance card, and my co-pay, then sat and waited. I was called in by an office assistant to take my weight (142, UGH) and blood pressure (110/67) and ask a few quick questions about birth control (umm, none), when my last period was, etc.

I met the doctor in his office, which is a hell of a lot more comfortable than perched on an examination table. It was a really great conversation. He said they don’t really worry about infertility until you’ve been trying for a year, but if we’re really worried we could get a sperm analysis done… but we’d have to pay out-of-pocket $150-$200. Ouch. I told Den that and he said, “We’ll wait 6 months.” Heh. We really can’t afford anything right now. The doctor did say that the celexa is fine, and cited new studies saying that it’s safer for the baby for the mother to be on meds than anxious or depressed. He also said the newest studies are showing that celexa is pretty safe – I have a feeling it’s going to be moved to a class B within a couple of years. That was the main reason for my visit, and I feel so relieved – I was prepared for a bit of an argument about it. ;) I also told the doctor that I’m charting and ovulating on about cycle day 14, he was amused, said my body must have read a textbook. :D

He also said that his medical association/office is recommending pre-conception genetic councelling – general blood tests and a family medical history, just to spot any potential problems. So I made the appointment for two weeks from today, for Den and I to go in. Said it should take about 20 minutes, no biggie. Unfortunately it’s also time for my annual pap, so I had to make that appointment too – if I wanted to make the appointment with the doctor I’d have to wait 3 months. :shock: But I could also make it with the nurse practitioner, which I went ahead and did. It makes no difference to me who pokes around, and the sooner the better IMO. That’s in three weeks.

So all in all I’m very happy with this new doctor. I really feel like I can trust him, which is important during a pregnancy! He had all the right answers, he knew about all the new studies and charting and all that (believe it or not, some doctors don’t believe in charting! :shock: ). He also muttered about George Bush a bit. :D That made me laugh.

I’m feeling pretty psyched to have found two excellent doctors. Now we just have to get pregnant!