If I really am not pregnant, I’m going to gain 10 lbs from all the eating I’ve done lately. Yikes.

Another negative today. :( I feel like maybe if I just shake it and tip it around a bit… :roll: Garrr. It gets more nerve-wracking each time.

Okay, so I think I’m pregnant. I’ve never had a shopping experience so… pungent. I had to hold my breath and run to the next aisle a few times. And not just at the fish *bleh*.

Also, I ate lunch at just before 3pm today – soup and porridge. Yes, both. At 5:30 my stomach felt like it was trying to gnaw me dead from the inside out, it was actually making me a little nauseated. Of course we had little to make food with, so I ran to the store. And now I really must cook the meal or I’m going to pass out.

My head is just pounding… not really in pain – yet, though it feels like it will be shortly – but just… with thoughts and sounds and weird things. I feel loopy, can’t concentrate. What the hell is up with this?

[Edit – 4pm] Yep, massive headache.

Headache finally gone. Yay. :)

I’m getting funny cramps today… short little stabs instead of the constant painful ache I get during my period. My CM was ever-so-slightly tinged with pink this evening, but I had to look really closely to see it.

Well, that’s that – no September baby for us. :(

I’m still getting used to the fact that our kiddo will chose its own time to come, not when I think it’s best. Unfortunately I really really do not want an October baby. However, I’m crazy, so I’m not sure that counts. :roll: *sigh* So now all we have left for 2006 is October and November… October I don’t want (it’s my mom’s birthday) and November’s getting close to Christmas. We’re going to skip a month so we don’t have a December baby.

Arg. I just wish I was the type to sit back and not analyse things to death. I drive myself crazy!

Well last month was a disaster because I wasn’t sleeping well, so I wasn’t taking my temps. This month I set my alarm for 6am and come hell or high water, if I’m in bed when that alarm goes off I’m taking my temp. And so far it seems to be working, even though last night I didn’t sleep great – was waking up and tossing and turning. And yet my temp is exactly where the other two nights were. Huh. Well, more the better for me!

More eggwhite today! Yay! It’s making me feel hopeful that something will stick this month. :D

Another headache, though. :( I’m sure glad I can take tylenol when I get pregnant, because these happen way too often.

I think maybe this waiting to get pregnant was a good thing – it’s getting me more mentally prepared.

I never expected to feel like this. I always thought that when we started TTC it would be because “it was time” and Den wanted to and I would aquiesce. I never thought I would be the instigator, I would be the one waiting and hoping.

At first though it was about the goal – it became my pet project, my obsession. Getting my period at the end of the month wasn’t all that disappointing. I wanted to get pregnant, but picturing myself with a baby was just weird. But now… now I’m watching A Baby Story in the afternoons and feeling strongly about it. Now the pregnancy has become only a part of it, and I want a baby. I’ve started picturing myself as a mother, and thinking I might not do such a bad job at it.