Well today’s temp was way up. And it made FF give me dotted lines. Gar. I don’t think I O’d yet – it’s too early, and I don’t think the last few temps are reliable: I was drinking new years eve (which affects your temp), and I just haven’t been good at taking them as SOON as I wake up. I keep forgetting until I’ve laid there petting Zoe for a few minutes. So I think they’re artificially high. I’m hoping tomorrow’s temp will be back down where it should be. Then again, if it isn’t and I really DID O three days ago, we still have a chance – but not a great one.

Another high temp this morning – I even set my alarm to take my temp so it’d be as accurate as I could get it. That is really not good at all. FF pinpoints my ovulation to the 29th – right in the middle of a dry stretch we had. Which I thought wouldn’t matter, because I’m not supposed to ovulate for another two days! Crappity. This sucks. I’m still hoping that the OPKs and temps will prove FF wrong. But I’m not quite sure how the temps can fix themselves now.

I am friggin hungry. First thing I did after getting up was raid the fridge, ate some eggo waffles. First ones I attempted were stale and gross, but instead of giving up like normal I made more. Ate them. Then an hour later I rummaged through a grocery bag and pulled out a little thing of Mini Ravioli, ate that. Still hungry. :shock:

I’m pretty bummed about messing this month up. I know there’s still a chance, but we could have – and should have – done a lot better job about BDing more frequently with O coming up. I got overconfident and lazy, I guess. Gar. But I really want a September baby. I don’t want an October baby. This sounds really stupid, but… my mom was born on October 29 and I don’t much fancy my baby being born at the same time. November is getting really close to christmas, Den wants to keep trying, I’m not so sure. We might end up taking just one month off (so we don’t have a baby AT christmas).

I’m trying to convince myself that I’m not pregnant. I know this is silly, but… I feel like if I convince myself I’m not then I will be, but if I think I AM pregnant, I won’t be. Stupid, I know. But we don’t have a very good chance this month. I asked one of the admin/advisor people at FF about how long sperm can survive in creamy CM and she said 24 hours. Which means if I did ovulate on the CD 12 there’s pretty much nill chance. But if I ovulated at CD 14 I still have a chance. It’s not great though. :(

So much for my body behaving perfectly after the pill, huh? That’ll teach me.

There, this is better. Much more wintery. :) Same basic template, but changed all the colors and images. I love being able to just change things on a whim like this… using templates and themes and whatnot.

Despite my really fucked up sleeping schedule, my chart still appears to show a clear pattern of ovulation. I guess I should thank my blessings for that, it could be much worse.

The past several days I’ve been hyper-sensitive to smells. Mainly, the dog food. I just smell it all the time, everywhere. I keep spraying Oust throughout our house trying to get rid of it. And don’t even mention when the dogs curl up next to me in the bed. All I smell is dog. (Dog food?) It’s not the wet-doggy smell, it’s the disgustingly-pungent-dog-food smell. Which is further weird because I am all clogged up right now. Have been for weeks, though – I wish whatever this is would hurry up and go away so I could breathe.

Edit/Note to myself: This was not a symptom of mine, it happened to be that the dogs stank.

Okay, now everything is tasting funny. I popped one of the little chocolate cubes in my mouth and nearly gagged… I’ve been eating this bag for the past few weeks and I liked it, but the dark chocolate just didn’t like me today. Yuck. Even the milk chocolate bar I had tasted a little icky the second time. I opened a new box of crackers and now maybe it’s just that brand of crackers, but blaahhhh. Yech!! (And yet, I’m still eating them – need the salt!!)

Hmmm, think it means anything that I’ve been carrying a stuffed animal around with me for several days now?

Well, I think I’m out this cycle. :( Checked this morning, have red spotting. *sigh* I was getting hopeful, too. I think this also means I ovulated earlier – CD 12, not 14. Otherwise it’s too early for even spotting, unless I spot for several days like last month.

Edit: Checked again, now it’s just brown-tinged. And both times only up at my cervix, nothing is actually coming out on its own. I’m hoping this is one of those pregnancy spotting things, but I dn’t have much hope left. :( I’ll test tomorrow if my period doesn’t hit fully.

Last month I was all gung-ho, but when I got my period it wasn’t unexpected. This month has been much more laid-back. So I didn’t except to feel this bad when I got a negative/spotting. (Yeah, I tested today, snow-white. That’s not definitive, but it adds more weight to the pile.) I really actually want a baby. I see pictures of Meghann’s little boy (who is so VERY cute, btw!) and I just really want that. It’s so foreign to me. But I’m really quite upset that this month didn’t work out. I don’t want to have to wait another month or who knows how long. I really hate this waiting and not knowing when it’ll happen.