We had a very nice Christmas Eve, it was wonderful food and good company. I ate a ton (two helpings, plus some pie) and then felt rather uncomfortable all evening. Oops. Now I’m getting some heartburn, hope the Maalox helps with that.

Notable moment of the evening was after we’d all moved to the living room for gift opening, I was sitting leaning up against Den. Devin started kicking a ton on my left side – which is unusual for him, he’s almost always on my right. Well he was kicking up such a storm I poked Den and told him to put his hand there. Den got to feel a lot of big bumps! His hand was actually being visibly jostled by the kicks. His eyes were wide, he was so thoroughly excited by it! Then he called my mom over, who has been dying to feel a kick, and she got to feel some little kicks too. (She was all, “Oh I felt something!! I felt something again!!”) Then one of my cousins came over and felt a kick. :D Devin was certainly in a sharing mood tonight!

I guess Devin likes holidays… first time Den felt a kick was Thanksgiving.

::

After we got home, Den fell asleep and my parents, brother and I stayed up talking for a little bit. Then the parents went to bed and my brother and I moved down to his room and stayed up talking for another 2+ hours. The kind of relationship he and I have… it’s hard to explain. I think we’re closer than most siblings, especially boy/girl siblings. We’ve always been like that. It’s one of the things I miss most about living so far away… just laying around talking for hours with him. Sometimes I get the feeling that he tells me more than he tells even his closest friends… certainly more than he tells our parents. And it’s funny because we’re worlds apart in terms of the lifestyles we lead – there’s only 3 years between us, and yet I’m married and expecting a baby, living the domestic lifestyle… he’s still going clubbing and dating and dealing with friendship drama. Maybe that’s why he’s okay with telling me all of it… I’m removed from it all.

I know he’s dealing with a lot right now – his dog has terminal cancer and it’s really weighing him down in a bad way, but it’s totally understandable. To be honest I was really worried about him before I came… we hadn’t talked much, and I wasn’t sure how he was handling it all. But after talking (for hours upon hours in the past week) I see him working through it and I’m greatly relieved. It’s a shitty situation all the way around, and of course he’s going to feel angry at the world and pissed off and short of patience for everything else. But he is definitely working through it in a positive way and I know he’ll be fine in the end.

I am really proud of my brother, for who he is, who he’s become. He’s a smart kid, and a really good guy at heart. Other people may not always see it, but he does have a heart of gold. He likes to play the tough guy and not give a shit, and he certainly has an acerbic sense of humor and a disdain for playing games – he’s very blunt and to the point and he’ll say what’s on his mind, he doesn’t skirt around things. But I see the way he is with his dog, I see the loyalty he has for his best friend. He’s a really good person and I’m so happy to call him my brother.

I realize I need to call him more often. He and I may not really fit into the rest of the extended family all that well, and those ties may not always hold so strong – but him and I, we need to maintain what we have. It’s something special.