Okay, I’m getting really freaking irritated with this nausea shit. Yesterday I puked once in the morning, once in the evening before bed, and now this morning at 5am I’m heaving over the effing toilet again. 5am! I woke up at quarter after 3 feeling really hungry… but in a “I don’t know if I dare add more to the rumbling going on in there” kind of way.

I have this sinking feeling that this nausea may not go away. I still am holding out hope though. Kel’s didn’t go away until 18 weeks in her first pregnancy. So that’s what I’m clinging to here. (Then I had another friend they were puking all the way through. Not such a positive thought.)

I’m pissed because I’m starving at the same time. I want to EAT. And I want to keep it DOWN.

I’m irritated because I really want to enjoy this, and it’s hard to enjoy things when you’re hanging over a toilet bowl (that you realize needs cleaning yet again).

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I was just laying in the dark in bed waiting for Den’s alarm to go off, and I was bored. I started lightly pressing on my belly in the hopes that maybe I’d feel something on the inside. Know how when you try to listen really really carefully for a really faint sound, that you’re never sure if your brain is imagining the sound or if you really heard it? I felt a lot of gas bubbles, and some faint faint things that could have been the baby… or it could have just been my imagination. Who knows. Experiment failed.

I really want to feel the baby. The last couple of days I’ve felt smaller than usual, and other than the nausea I could forget that I am pregnant. I’m still in this suspended state of disbelief. I’m really looking forward to our ultrasound just to get another jolt of reality! I just wish I could feel him/her moving in there. I think that will really make it real, that there’s a baby growing in me. It still feels like some abstract concept sometimes. I know it’s there… but I can’t feel a thing!

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And yet, life is still so damn good. I woke up in a bed covered with two comforters. Last night as we were putting the second one on the bed Den says to me, “You know, we’re going to have to turn the heat on at some point.” “Yeah. Just not yet!” But we woke up all toasty warm and all is good with the world. I especially do love waking up next to my husband, and rolling over to snuggle him before he has to get up and get ready for work. He’s a very snuggle-worthy person. He’s always so warm, and my body fits just right against his (well, it’s getting harder!).

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I’m still stumped on the Mei Tais, and I’ve reluctantly come to the conclusion that I simply cannot invest in a brand new custom until I know what type I like. So I guess I’ll have to just pick up a used Mei Tai, whatever I feel like at the time, and see if I like it. Kind of a pain. But there are so many brands/styles out there… my head is swimming and I think it will all come down to what FEELS best with me and my baby. No way to know ahead of time. :( I just hope I find a used MT in a print that I like. So many of them for sale just make me go “Ick!” Even used MTs can be ridiculously expensive, but I’ve seen a couple of older styles for around $40, which is much more reasonable. Lets me test it out without a huge investment.

I did find an absolutely gorgeous print that I LOVE, the Indigo Cherry Blossom on the Sachi Mei Tai. But again, I don’t think I want to spend $80 on a custom MT when I have no idea if I’ll like the Sachi. Bah. And I can’t find that print ANYWHERE else, not even in an online fabric store. :(

So the search continues. (Yes I’m obsessed. You say that like it’s a bad thing.)

Edit: So maybe not. I think I found what I’m looking for: Mei Tai Baby. GREAT reviews on TBW. It’s a nice simple design that looks really comfortable. It has interchangeable panels so you can get three (or more!) different prints and swap them out when you feel like, which for me is a great thing. You can even buy a headrest to add on when the kid gets bigger. So this may be one I splurge on. Not now, of course… I’m not going to order anything new until I think Jan/Feb timeframe. But I’m feeling pretty pleased with this. :) I especially love the Batik Flowers and Blue Leaf Mosaic. Gorgeous. OH I almost missed the holiday fabrics… I LOVE Upon A Midnight Clear. Agh! I want it now!

I still kind of want a babyhawk… but they just look a little large for newborns, IMO. I might save that until later!