You know when you see something really neat and you “bookmark” it – whether physically somehow or just in your brain? And you keep coming across that bookmark and thinking, “Oh yeah, I want to do that!” But it almost becomes like a chore, but you still REALLy want to do it? Yeah. That’s me. Mel’s posts on Happiness is something that I definitely want to sit down with and really mull over. It’s been “bookmarked.” I’m definitely going to get to those this weekend.

As someone who deals with frequent anxiety and depression, I’ve struggled for a long time to find happiness, to somehow be happy with my present. I’m doing a hell of a job right now, let me tell you that. I am loving this pregnancy, every little bit of it – even the pukey bits. Even when other shit in life is getting me down, I just remind myself that I’m pregnant. It does help. It changes your priorities, doesn’t it.

I guess it would make more sense to be worried, to be reserved. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being foolish, jumping into this with my whole heart all at once right from the start. But then I think… would I want that? Would I want to spend my time in fear and worry? Not voluntarily. I want to experience every glorious moment for what it is. For whatever may come to pass in the future, at this moment I am pregnant. I was really worried I wouldn’t EVER get pregnant. At least I know it’s possible! It’s happened!

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Food on my “good” list:

Arrowroot baby cookies. Yummmmmmmmmm good. So much better than saltines. And they do wonders for settling my stomach, as evidenced by tonight.

Salmon cream cheese on toast/bread. My usual grocery store does not carry salmon creamcheese. I went to a different store this week, as I was running other errands… salmon creamcheese! Score!!! I bought one, and have been eating it like crazy. It tastes so good. I’m not even a huge fan of salmon (even though, with my dad being a sports fisherman, we had plenty when I was growing up!), but salmon creamcheese? Seriously delicious.

Cereal is still on my daily list. It’s not sitting as well as other things – probably not enough carbs or something. And I’ve been threatening my body… if it goes lactose intolerant, I may just have to cry. Work with me here. I can cut out just about anything… just not milk. (Some people are addicted to alchohol, or smoking. No… my addiction is milk. And I am not kidding. When we visit someone’s house and they ask what I’d like to drink – soda, water, juice – I ask if they possibly have any milk? My MIL has started buying a gallon whenever I go over. LOL! I’m pathetic!)

Fruits. Apples and peaches, as I’ve mentioned before. I didn’t feel good last night, but I don’t think that was the peach’s fault. The apple tastes extra good with peanut butter, but I’ve been putting less peanut butter on it than I usually do. I just really love the juicy apple right now. (And only Fuji apples. In the past 2.5 years I’ve been living here I’ve experimented, and those are the best to me!)

Today I also had a small bun with ham and cheese, toasted in the toaster oven. OMG that was delicious. I just tonight found out that those buns now have mold on them – and so does my loaf of bread – and I’m am pretty pissed off. They were delicious… and I just bought them! Stupid humidity. Grrrrr. What am I going to eat tomorrow??

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Some women have the morning sickness. I have the evening pukies. This is the second day in a row now where I’m laying on my laptop as usual before bed and right around midnight it occurs to me that I don’t feel good. And just as I think that I should be eating it progresses from slightly hungry to really hungry to going to puke to puking right now…. all within the span of 2 minutes.

And the smell of the toilet! Ugh! It’s just that… toiletbowl smell. Whatever cleaners are used, and the toilet water… just makes me heave even harder. I think I even peed myself a little while dry heaving. Yeah, that’s fun!

As soon as I managed to stop for a little bit I ran into the kitchen and gobbled down some arrowroots. Then I made myself some salmon creamcheese on bread (thank goodness I bought some specialty bread!). Problem solved.

This “morning” sickness thing is totally whacko!

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Growing up, from the earliest I can remember to the time I moved out of my parents’ house, I puked only twice. Yes, I’m taking a detour down memory lane… but you are my captive audience, so there!

The first time was thanks to food poisoning. Everyone got it. We were on vacation and ate some burgers that apparently had something bad in it. I only had one bite of my dad’s burger and woke up in the middle of the night and puked. (My dad? Didn’t have it so easy.) Not a fond memory of vacation.

The second time was the weirdest time and the one my family will remember forever. It was in the middle of the summer so the entire family was sleeping in the basement. (My parents have no air conditioners… we all just moved to the basement in summer.) My parents were on the fold-out couch-bed, and my brother and I were on an air mattress. I was around 9 I guess? My brother would have been about 6.

So in the middle of the night, for whatever reason – and no one even knows to this day what the hell caused it – I woke up, sat up, leaned to my side, and puked.

On my brother.

He of course immediately woke up and started screaming/crying. That woke my mother up and she rushed him to the bathroom to clean him up. I, feeling fine now, shuffled over to my dad. “I puked.” To this day he still laughs about it because until that moment he just figured it was my brother who had gotten sick.

My brother has never forgiven me for that. He’s 22 now and still remembers that day quite clearly!