First of all I want to congratulate Serenity on her positive Beta! She and I had the same retrieval, transfer, and beta dates… and now the same due date. I’m just so happy for you girl!

Tonight I just want to cry tears of joy. I’m just so very, very thankful to finally be sitting here pregnant. I never thought the day would come… and it feels like a dream.

I want to experience this pregnancy in every tiny little way. I bought a pregnancy magazine, I dug out my pregnancy books (bought back when we started TTC and I thought I’d use them shortly), I put up my ticker. I just want to immerse myself in all things pregnant because it feels so damned wonderful. I have 36 more weeks to go, which seems like a long time, and yet in some ways I want it to last forever. This is the thing I have dreamed of, wished for. And now I’m here. Just laying here in bed is amazing to me… because I’m not just me laying here in bed, I’m me and my embryo laying here in bed.

Yesterday when I went into Walmart for a quick shopping stop I of course passed multiple mothers pushing babies in their carts. And for once in a long time, I didn’t feel an immediate surge of envy and bitterness. My first thought was, I’m going to have one of those. In April. And you know… it kind of made my head spin a little.

I really can’t wrap myself around the concept. I’m sure it’ll sink in as time goes on… the fact that I have a little person in there. A person who will become a little baby, with arms and legs and real thoughts of his or her own. I’m really glad I have 36 weeks to get used to the idea.

I am so eager for my belly to grow… to get big and round. I know it’s going to be hard. But right now I feel like… like I did two days ago, only know I know I’m pregnant. I can’t wait to feel some sign of the life inside me. (Though I’d really really appreciate it if the sign wasn’t nausea.)

I’ve been continuing to feel twinges of unknown origin. My boobs are still sore. I got a [slight] foot cramp tonight. But still nothing that stands out to me as “pregnant!” (I get foot cramps somewhat regularily. I really really am hoping that by some chance the pregnancy doesn’t make that worse. Cause man they hurt.)

I said last night that I was feeling very peaceful. And it’s more than that… I feel more assertive for some reason. Like today when some of Den’s family was over and I thought for a moment that someone was going to light a cigarette in my house. I was fully ready to march over and snatch it out of his hand, not a thought I would ever have entertained before. Just the thought that someone could dare do anything that could possibly hurt my baby made me very angry, and ready to step up and deal with it.

While the family was over we took them aside to tell them our good news. Den didn’t want to make a big family announcement since it was his Gram’s birthday and he didn’t want to “steal the limelight” – which is considerate of him, but a little unnecessary. He drove me a little bit craz today with the waiting to tell people. People would arrive and I’d give him a loaded look and he would push me off with a, “Later, later.” Damnit I wanted to tell people NOW! Right now! But in the end he did get around to let everyone know of our good news, and everyone is very happy for us. Everyone knows what we’ve been going through (except his uncles whom I think are more than a little clueless about a lot of things).

Then after everyone left I called my relatives whom my parents are visiting right now and asked that mom call me when she gets in. She called me back not 15 minutes later. I started off by saying that I just wanted to let her know that Den loves the new shop-vac they bought him. Which is true, he does love it, and it made short work of all the fur in this house (will come in VERY handy with a baby around, even if it is noisy – we have no other way of getting rid of all that fur!). Then I added, “Oh yeah, and some other news… I’m pregnant!” There was silence and sniffling and, “Really? You know this early?” and more sniffling as she started crying. I think she’s in shock and of course very happy for us. It’s been hard on mom, to know that I’ve been going through everything and getting disappointed every time. When she was here I showed her my medications, my syringes, my scars. You could see the look on her face, that it hurt her so deeply that her daughter had to go through these things. So for her to know that we finally succeeded… well she’s just happy beyond words.

My dad of course responded with a, “Well good! But remember now, it’s early.” Ha. Typical dad. Can never expect him to get too excited about anything. I’m sure that when I call with the news that his grandchild has been born he’ll be all, “Glad to hear it went well.” He amuses me. I love him to death, but he totally is not on the emotion bandwagon.

So now all that’s left is telling Den’s dad and two brothers from that side of the family. Who knows when he’ll get around to it!

Telling people was… strange. I mean, I haven’t even really come to grips with the idea of being pregnant myself! And I don’t usually like all that attention on me anyways… I’m kind of glad Den didn’t make a big group announcement. That’s just not how we are. (Not in real life, at least. Online I’m all for big announcements! ;) )

I’ve been awake since 5:30 this morning (I woke up multiple times all night and couldn’t get back to sleep, so excited was I to take another pregnancy test!), and I’m getting very tired. I think it’s time for me to get some sleep!