I finished the book today, and I just couldn’t suppress my eye rolling at the little “stories” at the end from other women who got pregnant from taking herbs and meditating, even though they were 40 and their doctor told them they would need IVF. Sorry, just not buying it.

I do, however, feel like there is something to be said about mind/body health and fertility. And one paragraph in a story made me think of something that hadn’t really occurred to me before: Den. I’ve been focussing so much on me, because I’m the egg-grower, I’m the one who gets the shots and the ultrasounds, and of course because I’m the only one whose body I inhabit. (An important distinction.) But there are two of us involved here. And, furthermore, while there is no real evidence to support a conclusion, the doctor did mention that it’s usually a male factor when it comes to fertilization. Plus there are other things that make us think that – like the fact that Den was previously married and never conceived with her either.

Den has… health issues. Not huge major trumpets-blaring issues. I think it’d be a hell of a lot easier to get him to the doctor if that were the case. (Although, considering his recent major tooth issue, he still wouldn’t go.) But he has persisting problems.

The main one being headaches. He gets headaches constantly. He actually takes two advil before driving to his mom’s (40 minutes away) or he’ll spend the entire day at his mom’s with a massive headache. He goes to a chiropractor monthly for an adjustment, which helps momentarily, but it always comes back. I get so frustrated that he has to go every month to the chiropractor… I feel like it’s not fixing anything at all.

The other problem he has is exhaustion. He’s been going to bed before 11pm at night, and his alarm goes off at 6am on weekdays. I argue with him that he should be getting 8 hours of sleep a night, but he refuses to lose any more of his free time. But regardless, 7 hours is decent if not perfect, and on weekends he frequently gets more than 7. The hours he gets he doesn’t always sleep well… he snores, which I think is part of the problem. (But I really don’t think it’s sleep apnea, because I’d know if his snoring was weird… unfortunately his snores are very punctual every few seconds. Drives me crazy.) We have a new, expensive mattress that isn’t perfect, but is far from bad. He tries to get good sleep. And yet he is always exhausted. He complains about it daily (or so it seems to me). He’s frustrated; I’m frustrated.

Obviously something is out of whack in his body. I sure as hell don’t know what, and neither of us have much of a clue what to do. He doesn’t really want to go to the doctor just because he’s tired. (Plus they usually just give a prescription for something. I went to my doctor a long time ago about back problems, and he checked me out and said there was nothing wrong. Which did NOT solve my back pain in the least.)

I definitely feel like I am far more in touch with not just my emotions and state of mind, but my body as well. It’s not an accident – I’ve learned to be very in touch with myself ever since my depression started. I have to be very aware of what’s going on inside me. Plus I’ve always felt strong resistance to artificial methods… to things outside my personal control. (This is a large part of my wanting a non-medicated birth, too.)

Den’s lacking that connection. He’s the kind of person who would take four advil before a baseball game and play through the pain of his bad shoulder (past injury). A typical man, I guess… his body not working the way it “should” is an obstacle to him, something that needs to be endured and pushed past. I worry about what effect it’s going to have on him later. He’s 41 now… how is he going to feel at 60 if he just keeps “pushing through it”?

I get very worried about my husband. Him and his dog are so much alike. He has a large German Shepherd who acts like a canine tank. He plows right into things, steps on whatever is in his way without even bothering to take note of it, knocks things over on a regular basis, and doesn’t even blink when he slams his head into the underside of a table. It astounds me. (And annoys me, since I’m usually the person getting plowed into and stepped on.)

So, I don’t know, is it possible that whatever is putting the rest of his body out of whack is affecting his sperm? I know men aren’t nearly as likely to be spiritual or into that mind/body connection, and most men have perfectly normal, working sperm. But it’s a thought. Maybe there’s something to be said about energy flow or whatever you want to call it. I’m not at all a spiritual person… but it’s not such a far-fetched concept, scientifically – the idea that one thing affects another. Makes perfect sense to me.

I wonder how I can get him to consider trying things differently… considering new viewpoints. I wonder what there is to consider besides traditional medicine. Accupuncture? We’re not going to veer too far off the path into the strange and mystical. I fully believe in IVF… and I believe it’s our very best chance to get pregnant. But anything we could do to try to help… well, it couldn’t hurt, right?

At the very least we need to start trying something, anything, that could help with the headaches and the exhaustion. I just don’t know how much longer he can keep going like this. He’s always had problems but recently he has just seemed to be more and more run down.