What to say? The 2ww sucks… and yet, it’s not really as bad as others I’ve had. Maybe because I really think we have a very good chance at this… maybe because I am not checking incessantly for spotting, as AF is not going to arrive at all until I stop my medications… maybe because I don’t have to worry about when to test. I don’t know why. But it’s been pretty peaceful – at least in terms of TTC/IF treatment. (My freelancing, on the other hand, has been very stressful… trying to do too many things in too short of time and getting frustrated by all of it.) Maybe I just have too much else to worry about these days than sitting here thinking about my beta. Seems backwards, doesn’t it?

Though if I sit here and start wondering about what I believe is going to be the outcome I start hyperventillating, almost. I believe deep down inside that I am pregnant…. maybe because in order to have hope I have to believe that… but both Den and I are really quite terrified to take a pregnancy test. We’ve seen so many negative ones it’s hard to imagine ever seeing anything different… and there’s a part of us that, illogically, thinks we’d jinx it.

I do think I’m going to take a pregnancy test early morning Wednesday though (the day of my beta). Den has to work that day and if I’m pregnant I want to find out while he’s here at home with me! The beta will confirm our result one way or the other so we won’t have days to sit there and think, “But what if the test is wrong?!” (Not that I think pregnancy tests are going nto be wrong at 14dpo, but Den does.)

So until my beta I’m just knitting and trying not to think too hard about the possibilities.