From up to down in the blink of an eye
I got the call today. It’s sunny out, I’m feeling relatively good – a little bloating, but nothing else to complain about. Den and I were joking around this morning… he said he won’t feel okay until we get the fertilization report and he knows his sperm did their job. I laughed and said I’m hoping for 15. All we need is 6 to go to blast stage, we’ll have plenty. An average of 75% of eggs retrieved will fertilize. 75% of 24 is a really good number.
And this is one of those times when average means jack shit.
The nurse said I feel good, I told her yes I do. No complaints. Then she said the results weren’t what they’d hoped. My heart sank. I’m thinking 5? 10?
And she says, “One fertilized.”
My brain stopped thinking. She kept talking. She said she’s sorry. She said that there was absolutely no indication that this would happen… nothing wrong with the sperm yesterday at all. She said the doctor is glad we went straight to IVF, as any IUI would be a waste of a lot of time for us.
Of 24 eggs retrieved – a great response – we now have one single embryo sitting in a petri dish. If it makes it to saturday they’ll transfer it then, a day-3 transfer. If it makes it. There’s a pretty decent chance it’ll arrest before then.
I’m just devestated beyond words. Somehow I think I’m more upset than if everything had gone perfectly and still not gotten pregnant. All those eggs were our safety net. If we fell on the wrong side of the 50/50 this time, well, at least we’d have a bunch on ice. This time… whether or not we actually even make it to transfer, there will be no frozen egg transfers.
I guess next time we’ll be doing ICSI. I keep telling myself that. We’re not out of the game yet. We have one more cycle paid for by insurance (though we’ll have to come up with the money for all the meds), and we can do ICSI and hopefully get past this fertilization problem.
And we still have that one embryo. I’m hopeful and terrified all at once. This one could be our miracle baby. Or it could leave us with absolutely nothing.
Ah Nat, I am so terribly sorry to hear this. I am crossing my fingers that this one little embryo will be your miracle child, and that you won’t have to undergo more procedures.
Read up on ICSI btw – it seems that the results are pretty good once you start on it. In any case – our thoughts and hopes and wellwishes are with you guys.
I’m sorry. I know they sound like wives tales, but I do actually personally know of people who have had babies from a single embryo transfer. So I’ll be praying, praying, praying that yours is up to the task on day 3!
As for ICSI, I’m surprised your clinic doesn’t do unplanned ICSI. Or rescue ICSI. Different clinics call it different things. With mine, they give the eggs and sperm about 5 hours to do the cha-cha and if it doesn’t happen, they go in and do ICSI. Maybe they didn’t do it because your insurance doesn’t cover it, or maybe they just don’t do it as a routine. Either way, I’m sure you’ll be asking about that should you need to do another cycle (which, hopefully, you will NOT because you’ll be pregnant after the transfer).
In the meantime, I’ll have my fingers crossed and my hopes up for you.
Im so sorry :( I think ICSI will be a good idea.. When we do IVF, im so neurotic that Im gonna probably insist on it. A girl in a bg of mine had the same thing happen. Only one embryo… but it worked out for her and she is pregnant right now, so it can definitely happen… My thoughts are with you!!! Good luck girlie
I’m so sorry to hear your bad news. My thoughts and hopes are with you guys. I really hope the little embryo is a trooper and makes it through for you!!
Oh Natalie, my heart sank when I read this. But you have a great attitude about, you are not out of the game yet. It only takes one! I hope this one will make it all the way. I’ll be thinking of you guys.
Holy shit hon. I’m so sorry. IVF really just sucks ass sometimes.
Of course it’s good to know that there is a fertilization problem – now you know. But what a crap way to find out :( Again, I’m really sorry.
Sending GROW EMBRYO GROW vibes…