Opposite Ends of the Spectrum
My belly button incision is really bugging me today! Mostly itching… really really bad itching, bordering on little sharp pains. It’s more irritating and distracting than anything. Also, while inspecting it (to make sure it all looked good – it does) I think that the new shallowness of my bellybutton might be because it’s stuck together as it heals… not because it was stitched that way. Wouldn’t that be nice. ;) Stupid belly buttons.
Den is having some trouble understanding the “alternative” way I want to do things. Now just in case you’re not aware, I’m leaning towards more of a “crunchy” side of things. I think a lot about labor and birthing because honestly when I started TTC I was absolutely terrified about it. So I immediately started researching and reassuring myself. Here are some of the conversations we’ve had recently:
About me wanting a medication-free birth Den says he’s being supportive, but I see the barely-suppressed eyeroll and his, “We’ll see how it goes dear.” Which pisses me off. I’ve tried explaining to him that there’s no room for doubt, I WILL DO IT and I need him to fully believe that and not let me down. IF I do get in a situation where I need medication I can and will make that decision… but I need him to be onboard so when I say “I don’t think I can do this!” he will respond with, “YES YOU CAN!!” So we’re still working on that.
I mentioned that I hope to labor in a position other than flat on my back. I want mobility, I want to be able to choose whatever position feels right at the time. He seriously stared at mel ike I grew a second head. His response was, “What?? How else would you do it??” I mean I don’t blame him for not knowing much – he’s never dealt with a woman in labor before! – but just the fact that he was STUNNED that there was any other way to give birth than laying on your back in a hospital bed… I had to explain other ways, such as squatting, or a birth stool. He freaked out! He thinks it’s “weird” and kind of gross. So again, something to work on later. (And I know at the time of labor he will do whatever I need him to do or I will probably take his head off… and he does not want that. I can get somewhat, umm, cranky.)
Another thing I mentioned is my desire to be intermittently monitored and not hooked up to a machine (unless of course there is a need for it). That freaked him out too. :sigh: He got a little angry with me, saying how I want what I want without regard for the baby’s health… he wants me hooked up to every monitor to make sure everything is going 100% well. I tried explaining that studies and recommendations state that intermittent monitoring is JUST as safe. You do “check in” with the baby to make sure they’re doing well, but you don’t have to twitch at every little blip on the screen. He didn’t really believe me. So I’m going to have to show him the research to get him on board with that.
Still absolutely no consensus or compromise on the circumcision issue. His only real argument is that “it’s gross” (not circ’ing). Which is completely rediculous to my mind. Den thinks a lot of things are “gross”, such as breastfeeding and squatting in labor. I think he needs to get over his own “issues” of grossness and think about the bigger picture. I do feel bad I mean I am kind of running rufshod over him with these things, and with anything else I’d probably give him the circ decision to placate him, but I feel really very strongly about it, and it’s not really something I feel I would be okay with giving up. I really do think I would strongly regret that the rest of my child’s life, and I don’t want to put myself in that position. I think the whole idea of circumcision is outdated and somewhat barbaric. I really try not to judge other people’s decisions for theirselves and their own families, even though I don’t necessarily agree with it… but when it come to my OWN child, that’s a whole ‘nother issue.
Anyhow. We are obviously far apart on many issues. One saving grace is that the hospital he wants me to give birth at – the same one I have all my infertility stuff at – also has a woman’s birthing center located in one of the buildings. I haven’t checked it out yet, but I would LOVE to give birth in a birthing center. And it’s basically attached to the big hospital that Den wants, in case of an emergency.
Hon, I hate to tell you this, but you aren’t leaning crunchy, you’re diving in head first and breathing it. ;)
As for positioning, birth center or hospital, either will accommodate. The hospital I went to brought in all sorts of stuff, offered me anything I wanted to help me through the pain. I, er, fell off the birth ball though, that thing takes crazy coordination and balance I just didn’t have at the time! The one I’m looking to go to whenever we have our second has whirlpool baths in the labor/delivery/postpartum rooms!
As for the monitors, even if you are set up for constant monitoring, you can talk to your nurses and they’ll be fine with letting you move around. All I had to do was buzz in and say, hey, I’m going xyz so don’t freak cause my baby didn’t just die. They were very accommodating. That might be a compromise for you, monitoring while you’re able, but working with the nurses to still be able to move.
I thought circumscion was done for hygiene purposes? I’ve seen all sorts of studies on it.
be strong hun, if you need links and support give me a shout. There is no hygenic reason to circ. The prepuce protects the glans penis and all a child needs to do to “learn” how to clean oneself is when he naturally becomes retractable, to pull back and swish in the shower / tub. The skin between the glans and the foreskin doesnt even seperate fully until anywhere between toddlerhood to puberty depending on the child. The area under the foreskin is similar to between the labia lips, and I dont think people would recommend labioplasty for infant girls. This is a human rights issue, a genital integrity and the right to choose for oneself. There simply is no danger in being intact, ask half of the world. If your child decides he wants to be circumsized as an adult he will be medicated to prevent pain, not just have a very sensitive part of his body ripped off with minimally effective pain relief at the time and no relief for days afterward. Its proven that circ interefers with breastfeeding, babys shut down and have a harder time suckling for days afterward. They are in pain for days after. Anyway most of europe and the rest of the western world other than the US, do not circ at birth and they arent having hygiene issues. And if you hear the HIV study, 1) a man should be able to chose thier method of safe sex for themselves and 2) I believe teaching people that circ is a vaccination for HIV, they need to look at the circ rates of america in comparison to our HIV rate. Not exactly very effective imo. ANYWAY! yay for a chance to give you my feelings, although I think you already knew some of them, I just want to lend support to you to be strong in your opinion. You may feel alone but you are not alone in being a wife standing up for the genital integrity of your child, boy or girl. They deserve for us to be informed and to protect them from blind societal norms.
/hugs to you
Jenn, what Erin said. :) It’s not done for hygenic purposes…. the rest of the world doesn’t circ as the norm. And actually the studies I’ve seen show less infections, etc with intact penises (because circing is a cut and therefor open to infection and stuff). The glans actually protects the head of the penis as well…. like the labia, it protects the inner stuff. ;)
There’s really no reason that circumcision is so common in the US and nowhere else… it doesn’t provide any benefits.
And regardless, den isn’t pushing because of studies he knows, he’s just pushing because uncircumcised penises literally creep him out.
Kel – “Hon, I hate to tell you this, but you aren’t leaning crunchy, you’re diving in head first and breathing it.” LMAO!!! OMG I laughed so hard when I read that. I think you’re right. I guess I say “leaning” because I’m not as hard-core as many others I encounter. ;)
As for hospital vs. birthing center yeah you’re probably right. :D I hope to do the birthing center, but if we can’t for some reason then I’ll find a way to make it work! The hospital is really nice, they’re pretty good.
I think it’s great that you’re so sure of what you want – he’ll come around once he’s more educated on all of the issues.
Your post inspired me to write a bit about my un-medicated birth, so thanks!