My husband has remarked several times lately – and I too have noticed – that my face has completely cleared up. Granted I still have all kinds of scars from previous break-outs, but it’s been extremely good lately. I just started wondering if that’s due to the pill or not. And maybe that explains why the past year has been so horrible. My body does not like those extra hormones, apparently. I can wash twice a day with special stuff (Proactiv) and keep it mildly under control… or go on the pill and poof, all gone.

Now I don’t know if this is a side-effect or not – probably not – but the last few days I have randomly felt like bursting out into tears. A few times I have. Now granted there have been outside factors that cause me to get upset, but tonight there really isn’t. I’m just feeling bummed. Den went to bed (and I’m the one who has to work tomorrow!), it’s so quiet in here, it’s dark, and I just feel kind of grumpy. The annoying part is that I recognize that I’m irrationally grumpy so I can’t even be grumpy with a clear concience.

I’m getting nervous about the lap surgery. I know it’s not really a big deal, but I really want to get it over with. I think the week leading up to it is going to be worse on me than the actual surgery. It’s all a big unknown to me, I think that’s the worst part. Being in a hospital bed, having monitors hooked up to you, going under anethesia, having a doctor make cuts on me… all of it is this huge unknown. And is it totally stupid that I wonder if the hospital bed will be even halfway comfortable? (I think about that for labor too. I’m used to a very soft, squishy, large bed. I can only sleep in one position.) Oh, and I forgot to mention that the doctor gave me a script for percocet. That’ll be fun.

Then I have quite a wait ahead of me. I hope to get the protocol class and doctor appointment scheduled so I have mini milestones along the way, or March and April are going to be extremely slow.

(Oh and PS – if anyone who has had a lap in the past could tell me how soon I’ll be able to go back to work? I don’t really have anyone to fill in for me, so whatever time I miss kind of needs to be made up before and after the surgery. I’m hoping/planning to be able to go in the weekend after the tuesday surgery to do some stuff, even if I can’t do any heavy lifting. I’m hoping I feel up to that.)