I called the nurses today. I explained about the timing of the lap and that we were going to be doing a clomid/IUI cycle. I believe her words were something similar to: “Oh dear. That’s not good.” I’m really glad I checked on that.

At first she just said she was going to ask my doctor if she wants me on birth control or not (though I need to find out soon since I expect my period on wednesday). She called back a little while later to tell me that she counted the days out and realized that they wouldn’t know if I was pregnant or not at the lap so that they definitely don’t want me doing the clomid/IUI next cycle. She’s still going to wait to see what the Dr says about wanting me on birth control or not.

There was no mention of re-scheduling the lap, of course I didn’t bring it up. I still feel like it’s silly and obtrusive to reschedule a surgery because the timing of everything isn’t exactly what I wanted.

But that doesn’t mean I was immediately okay. I called Den to let him know about the change in plans and I almost started crying. He talked me down calmly, saying maybe it’s a good thing that we’re having a break forced on us. We both feel like the clomid isn’t working anyways – I wanted to do another IUI just for closure and as a last-ditch effort, but I certainly didn’t have any belief that it would get me pregnant.

Plus, even more worrisome, is that my moods have been getting increasingly worse. Three months on clomid back to back. First cycle I didn’t notice a thing. Even second. But this one has been a hellish ride. I know it’s hard to decipher things for me, since my depression works in mysterious ways anyways – I never know if a bad mood is just a bad mood or my depression coming through or now the clomid. I do know that several people on a forum said they were told by their doctors that if they had depression they were NOT to take clomid. Now my RE never said anything like that to me, and it’s very clear in my chart that I have depression, but I know different doctors have different beliefs and protocols. In any case, even Den is telling me now that I’ve been extremely edgy and tempermental lately. So perhaps it is best that we do no more clomid.

Now I really wish we could do a cycle of injects and IUI. But with the money we’d have to pay for that and the “return on investment”… Den doesn’t feel that it’s worth it and would rather put his (my!) eggs in the IVF basket. I’m inclined to agree.

So, it appears that we are on a three-month break, one month of which we will be actively avoiding. But I’ll get the lap done and hopefully get some answers one way or another. I can’t say I’ll be happy if I have endo, but at least I’d know, at least I’d have a reason for all of this. I think I’d prefer that to the having no explanation.

IVF starting in May. We have our IVF overview class coming up on the 21st. (I think I forgot to mention that here – I booked us for a class.)

PS – I have not tested. I’m apparently 12dpo today. I have no inclination to test, that’s how sure I am that I have no chance. I expect my period on valentine’s day – but I wouldn’t be surprized to see it late by a few days due to the clomid.