A friend on a forum just got her BFP. As excited as I am for her – and don’t get me wrong, I am very excited for her – if my period shows up this month it’s really going to suck. We tested together on the same day, got BFNs… two days later we both tested again, I got another BFN, she got a BFP. It sucks because I feel so guilty and selfish, but I can’t help thinking, “Why not ME?” :(

But it’s not over yet. I have everything crossed. Although I am checking for spotting quite frequently. ;) But I have no “heavy” feeling still…. that’s the one thing I do get before AF arrives… my insides feel “heavy”, like a raindrop about to fall. (I really have no better way of explaining it.) It usually happens a few hours before AF hits, I can feel it creeping up on me every month. And even when I had that cramping on monday, I didn’t have the heavy feeling. So every few hours I do a mental “check-in” for the heavy feeling and feel relieved when it’s not there.

If I AM pregnant, I would really like to know why those pee sticks aren’t telling me so. Grrr! I guess I could be one of those people for whom it doesn’t show up until much later… I never really considered that possibility before, since everyone else I know got their BFP right before AF was even expected, with very few exceptions. But then, lately I’ve been all about falling into the exceptions, haven’t I.