I remember reading on more than one occasion that no child is raised the same as another child (as it pertains to behavioral theory and nature vs. nurture and all that). I understood that logically, factually, but it didn’t really make full sense to me, I mean if kids are raised in the same house with the same parents and same values and such. My gut said it was pretty much the same. I didn’t fully appreciate just how different it would be until I had two kids.

Yes we are the same parents and this is the same house, but what a different experience it is to have only one live child as a baby as compared to having a baby when you have a toddler. There is so much more noise and bustle and things to do; more demands on mom and dad, less time for sitting and relaxing. The house looks totally different than it did when Kate was little as it is now cluttered with all kinds of toddler toys; what do you want to bet Ember wants to play with all those rather than the silly baby toys. The routine, too, is totally different. With Kate I made it all up as I went along, adapting our outings and daily lives around her naps and needs. This time, well, Kate takes precedence – she only gets one nap a day so by default is is the most important, Ember’s naps can and will fluctuate around that. Our outings are mostly for Kate, Ember is happy observing whatever goes on.

It’s now quite easy for me to see why there are certain similarities between first borns and youngest children – the family dynamics shift each each kid, adapting to the new structure. The older child has to become a little more independent, to do things themselves when they are capable; the youngest gets shlepped around and hopefully is okay with being put down while mama chases after a toddler or makes lunch.

I’m not saying it’s bad – far from it. It’s full, it’s different. You lose some one-on-one time with the kids, but gain the interaction between them. I find it fascinating from a scientific viewpoint.