Birthday Wishes
On the eve of my birthday I lay here in bed next to my littlest one, listening to her breathe. Every once in a while she nuzzles me or stretches her hand out on my chest. It is dark, a window open; it is quiet except for the sound of the fan. Her long hair tickles my nose as I kiss the top of her head.
I think to myself, what more could I ask for my birthday. This, right here, is bliss. Not esctatic, crazy excitement but just the simple joy of being a mother. A quiet life, a happy life. Warmth.
I have been thinking about Devin a lot, trying to include him in my day to day. I think of him today, how he brought me hope and joy and motherhood. I am thankful for him just as much as I am for my girls.
Life is often not what you expect, is it. I never would have thought that I would be happy for my life after all the sorrows. I never would have thought a lot of things… like Ember. So unexpected, so perfect in her own way.
::
30 is a lot of years. Well not a lot, but still. I am not quite sure how this happened.
I have to ask, though: do you ever really feel like an adult? Maybe I just need to get used to this 30 thing.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will likely never feel like a ‘real’ adult. And I’m fine with that — leaves more room to be absurd. :D
Haha, love this.
Happy 30th, Natalie. This was such a gentle, lovely post. I am coming up 33 in a couple of weeks, but I certainly don’t feel like an adult, though I have had to deal with a lot more than many adults I know. You know, babies dying and all of that. I know you know.
xo
Indeed, feels like a couple lifetimes worth!
Happy Birthday! I am 34, and I definitely do not feel like a grown up.
I just noticed that you updated your pictures, too. Very nice!