Today we went to a holiday party at my MIL’s. I avoided anything spiked with alchohol (which included the punch, the egg nog, and a desert – sigh), since at this point I just don’t feel comfortable drinking anything alchoholic in case I’m pregnant. SIL said, “Did I miss something?” when she saw me with my milk and I assured her that no, I’m not pregnant, but I’m just being cautious anyways.

I told MIL and SIL that we’re seeing a doctor and that I was on medication to increase our chances. Both are very supportive and polite about it all – no stupid-ass comments. Although Step-FIL overheard one part of our conversation (the part where I said the tests came back normal – MIL was looking concerned) and said, “Well, what are you waiting for?? Get to it!! Ha ha ha!!” I forced a smile and went back to my conversation. Like really, as if we haven’t been “getting to it” for the past year? Bah.

I also asked MIL about my SIL and BIL – both of whom have twins. I found out that SIL has fraternal twins. Den was listening in on that part of the conversation and he was shocked – he honest to god though they were identical twins. (The boys are 13 now!) I guess they look slightly different now that they’re older, MIL has no problems telling them apart, but OMG they look so, so similar. Den and I can’t tell them apart even now. (BIL’s twins are identical girls.) I asked if either set of twins were born early… she said both had scheduled C-sections. SIL’s was moved up a little earlier because of a small medical problem (the boys had simply run out of room to grow – SIL is a very small woman), but neither women had early labor. The boy-twins do have some developmental problems, however. Slight, but you can tell they’re a little behind their age. I was just curious… having two sets of twins in Den’s family, it’s an ideal place to look for answers to questions!

One of MIL’s friends overheard a little bit as well and asked, “Is someone pregnant?” I explained that no, but we’ve been trying for a long time and are seeing a doctor. (See, I’m very Out.) She nodded and said, “Ahhhhh… we went through all that.” I wanted to ask her more about that, but we were interrupted then, and later I didn’t know how to bring it up without being obnoxious if she didn’t really want to talk about it.

The last time I talked to my mom she said, “You know, you should really talk to [her sister].” – meaning the sister who went through infertility. I agreed with her. I fully intend to sit down and talk to my aunt about her experience, if she’s willing to, whenever we visit next. Mom said this type of problem is more common than people think, but that no one talks about it, and she’s so right. And it’s definitely comforting to find out that other people around you have been through the same thing. Even if you never talk about it, never share your experiences – just knowing is a bit of a lifter. I guess it’s human nature… we don’t want to be alone. It’s comforting to know that other people have been in your shoes and understand what it’s like.

7 days until testing. Waiting is horrible. Horrible, horrible. I just want to know. I hate the unknown – and I don’t mean just about TTC. Everything in life… I hate waiting, I hate being clueless. Denis found that out the hard way early on in our relationship when he started teasing me with a “surprize” and I totally flipped out at him. Really, I feel kind of embarassed about that now – but it does illustrate how badly I take staying in the dark about anything. I just want to know. I want to see those two pink lines.