Public Noise
I have a twitter account, but some of you may have noticed that I only use it to read, I don’t post. I’ve tried to get into it a few times but every time I do I just get a weird, squiggly feeling and stop. It’s not that I don’t like sharing – I love sharing. I am quite likely an over-sharer. I have blogged for many years, I post on FaceBook daily, I belong to various forums where we talk about just about everything under the sun. So what’s the issue? I think for me it comes down to the publicity. Twitter is this big publicised machine and every time I try posting there I just imagine it popping up on all these random peoples’ computer screens. And why would random strangers care? Unless it was funny, and while I am occasionally witty right now my life is more about yogurt on walls than honing a rapier wit about social topics. Everything I read about twitter is about how to promote yourself. I don’t want to promote myself. I am far more comfortable sitting quietly in the corner, watching. I hate being in the center of the room.
As a teenager I would blog about everything on my mind, it was the ultimate brain-dump. Blogging was new, the community was small, and in a way it felt like you knew everyone. It was to be both an experiment in new technology as well as a kind of writing therapy. As I got older I realized how foolish it was to throw all my thoughts out there like that, to rant and cry and moan about all the things that a teenager rants and cries about. (I’m sure some of it was stunningly thoughtful and deep. Most of it, however, was not.) I realized that on the internet that stuff doesn’t just go away, it gets saved and passed around and talked about in public and private. I became more thoughtful of other people, and more thoughtful of myself too. I’ve become a lot more protective of my words and thoughts.
But I feel like now I’ve swung too far… that I’m afraid of having a public opinion. Maybe afraid is too strong a word…. maybe it’s just that I don’t have the time or energy to endlessly debate things. Maybe I’ve seen too much negativity and resentment and anger. FaceBook doesn’t help matters at all. I am so tired of seeing not-funny snarky images, “It’s my right to have my opinion and say whatever I want” posts, and long comment chains of seethingly angry people who don’t even read the damn facts before jumping into the debate. I usually don’t even bother anymore. It’s become a cacophony of opinions and I just want to shut my ears. I’m going to have to start unfriending/unsubscribing people; my time is limited and I get angry that I spend any of it feeling pissed off for 5 minutes about something someone posted.
Yes, I have changed – but so has the online world. As addicted as I still am (my phone is usually in my hand, pulling up facebook and sending emails back and forth with friends) a part of me really wants to step away from it all. Or rather, to use it as the tool it was meant to be, and stop being sucked in by all the rest of it. I love being able to post photos of my kids so that my relatives can get a closer look at our lives from so far away. I love that I can hold conversations with my best friends any time of day or night. I love that I can look up news and information as I need it. I really don’t like feeling like I need to avoid posting anything of substance because of the inevitable crankiness and debate. (Not everything in life needs to be a debate!)
Blogging used to be a huge source of relief and healing for me. Obviously this particular blog has changed because my life situation has changed, and I am content with that – I want and need a place to document my children’s lives, to share with friends and family and to save for posterity. Documenting this stage is very important to me. But at the same time I have lost my outlet. I no longer really have a place to think out loud – and in this online world I don’t know that I will ever feel fully comfortable thinking outloud in a public place anyways.
I know what you mean…I used to have tons of friends on facebook..I even had my own personal account (instead of the one I share with DH) but it all got too much for me.
I found myself getting upset or angry due to comments from people I barely knew or didnt speak to much outsode facebook and in the end,I decided to step back a little.
I erased my personal account,I erased a bunch of people from the account I use now,and now,I just use facebook to read (I love to read),keep in touch with my dad/sister/nan and to enjoy all the funny pics and/or group news that I´m subscribed too.I rarely post on other peoples feed anymore.
I used to use facebook as a blog,an outlet,but I stopped doing that quite a while ago.I´m actually pretty proud of myself…I dont own a sell phone (hate them) I dont visit any other websites,and I´ve cut waaaay down on facebook too..I spend more time in the real world now lol.
Good for you! I do need to learn some restraint. But computers have always been a soft spot for me… an easy addiction.
Did I just spell cell phone with an “s”…ugh..it´s still too early for me lol.
Despite generally being one of the people who is obnoxious and argumentative – I hear ya. Learning to be a kinder less reactive person remains the biggest challenge i’ve ever faced. I think for a lot of women in our age range there’s a lot of rage they’re just now letting out. We were part of the “Who cares” generation… only the truth is we cared, a lot, we just didn’t know what to do about it so we became jerks. Then there’s this current generation, who are so accustomed to easy access to information and/or the longevity of their words (you say something cruel or stupid, as you said, it lingers on forever – if you’re a bully it remains right there in your face for years, etc.). They’re learning a kinder approach to people, by necessity. I think they’re doing a good job, actually, but they also really need some people in the “older” generation reminding them that everyone doesn’t need to hear everything you have to say. It’s therefore very important that people you like you – ones who both embrace and respect the danger of ‘oversharing’ make sure their voices are heard. We definitely need more middle ground in the world, people are far too dramatic in any direction. Plus, annoying people never know they’re annoying and aren’t going anywhere. Trust me, I speak from personal experience ;)
Interesting observation! I sure hope the younger ones learn a kinder way of approaching all of this. I certainly am going to teach my girls how to behave and watch what they say…. or, well, I’ll try.
This post resonates. The older I get, and the longer I blog, the harder I find it sometimes. There is so much I want to say, but since I blog under my real name, I often hold back. It’s more pronounced now that I am a mother, and protective of my daughter’s online identity. I mainly blog about illness and healthcare, but most of what’s on my mind these days is about parenting and parenting after infertility, and I guess I’m having a sort of identity crisis.
Anyway, I appreciate your reflections here on how your use of technology has changed as the technology itself has…
I hope you and your beautiful girls are doing well!
Yeah I’ve never really taken much pains to hide my identity… it is what it is. My blog is hidden from search engines, but that’s about it. So it definitely makes me careful with what I say!
I have noticed that you’re not on Twitter anymore, but since you’re so awesome about updating Facebook, I guess I don’t mind! :)
I love, love, love the updates on FB and on your blog. I love knowing what your family is up to, how Kate and Ember are growing up. Apparently I am a cyberstalker, sorry about that.
You were such a great source of help, support, information, and hope while I was going through my IVF. My daughter is exactly in between Kate and Ember in age, so I love reading about what I have coming up with Kate and and I love reliving where Ember is at.
Thank you so much for continuing your online presence!
Ha! Well I’m glad you appreciate my constant posts, lol. And thank you!
It seems to me that what passes for “debate” online is all too often just polarized positions shouting at each other. I like this: “to use it as the tool it was meant to be, and stop being sucked in by all the rest of it.”
Isn’t that the truth… lots of shouting.