Well one thing is clear: Ember is a very different baby than Kate! I fall into the habit of thinking in terms of extremes, so in my mind I was wondering if this baby was going to be a really easy-going laid back baby or maybe a colicky baby. She is of course neither but is somewhere in the middle… just a different middle than Kate was. Ember is noisy. She grunts, squeaks, growls, whines, and of course cries. She really doesn’t scream at all so far, though she definitely scrunches up her face and kicks her legs and cries when something is wrong. She just works up to it with a lot of other sounds. She seems kind of fussy to me thus far, and I know part of that is gassiness from my overactive letdown/oversupply. She also is a frequent pooper… combined with the cluster feeding she does when awake that leads to a lot of diaper changes; she’ll be awake for an hour and nurse and need diaper changes about 3 times. So she’ll be happy nursing and then laying in my arms, but then I need to burp her. She loves sitting up to burp, I hold one hand under her chest with her slumped over and pat her back with my other hand. I swear she will just zone out and even fall asleep like that. But then she’ll rouse a few minutes later grunting and growling and I have to go through everything to figure out what it is this time. (I don’t think it’s reflux, for what it’s worth. She’s randomly fussy but sleeps just fine when laying down. And I can get her calmed down with some burping, changing and/or nursing.)

Like I said, she’s cluster feeding. She does nurse quite well, but she only wants little snacks during the day. She’ll sleep for 2-3 hours, but then nurse four times in an hour. Granted I don’t know how much of that is hunger and how much of that is “I’m pissed you just stripped me down and changed my diaper, I want a booby to calm down!” She took a paci in the hospital, grudgingly, but ever since she got home she has refused them. In fact when we try cajoling her with a paci she gives us the most disgusted look ever. She’s already found her hands and sucks on them a lot, but not enough to calm her down entirely. She’s definitely a booby baby. She’s a great nurser and other than sensitive nipples for the first week and the pain of engorgement I have had no problems at all. With Kate I was in serious pain for a good 3 weeks, as she had a small mouth and very strong suck needs – she squashed my nipples flat and they hurt so bad! This one is much gentler on me. Both girls were very fast nursers, though, and I think that’s my oversupply. They don’t need long to get a full feed.

Ember’s sleep seems much different from Kate, too. Ember is not sleeping as much or as long – I remember Kate was just always sleeping for the first few weeks, she was an exceedingly sleepy baby and only woke up to be changed and nurse and would pass right out again in my arms. However Ember is okay with being put down. Yes! I can put this baby down! She’s taking daytime naps in the bouncer (which is inside the pack’n’play, so Kate can’t just grab her), and spends the first stretch at night swaddled in the cosleeper next to my bed. The other half of the night she’s in bed with me because I really like my sleep and that’s the best way to get it. But even sleeping in my arms she’s waking up at 5:30 in the morning! Yes she goes back down eventually, but she’ll just lay there wide-eyed staring at the window for quite some time. During the day, too… when she wakes up she stares at everything and does not want to be cuddled into a little ball against my chest (she growls when I try it).

It’s good that I am able to put her down, because as much as I love cuddling sleeping babies (and I LOVE it), I really enjoy being able to cuddle Kate, too. We are doing our best to give Kate a ton of attention. So even when I’m breastfeeding I’m talking to Kate, asking her questions, watching her jump. Den is home too so he spends a lot of time getting food for her, changing her, and of course playing with her. He’s clearly the fun guy. :) She still needs her mama, though. The other night she had a nightmare or something and was calling out for mama. Den got up but brought her in to our bed for a hug. Kate has been doing really really good. Like super good. She has not shown any issue with me holding and nursing the baby very frequently. She loves the baby and checks on her first thing in the morning to make sure she’s still here. She loves to sit next to me on the couch and pet the baby, and now she loves holding the baby too. I hold on too, of course, but she opens her arms wide and gently holds her little sister while watching TV, leaning down to give a kiss or two. It is the sweetest damn thing ever. The hardest part is that Kate is still just 2 and she doesn’t understand how rough she can be – she likes to jump on the couch, give huge dive-hugs to me, and she’s still experimenting with hitting and throwing. None of it is malicious but she just doesn’t understand. So we keep repeating “Gentle!” and showing her how to touch nicely and at times when she’s repeatedly not listening we put her in time out before we lose our patience. The hard line for me is trying to keep her from being too rough on the baby without constantly correcting her and making the baby seem like a bad thing in her mind. I definitely try to keep it all very positive and happy. Kate gets a ton of positive attention when she’s being gentle.

Ember has been home a week tonight and I’m feeling really good about everything in general. It was a little strange at first, not being new to having a baby but not knowing this particular baby at all. I’m getting more of a feel for her moods and needs now and figuring out what works and what doesn’t. I’ve spent a few hours alone with both girls, and that went fine. I’m still intimidated by the idea of taking both out of the house in public, but I took them to my SIL’s without an issue (other than Kate tantruming the entire way home for some unknown reason). As long as it’s a safe place like someone’s house or yard where Kate is okay not to be watched every second then it’s fine. But what I’m not sure about is when it’s not a closed location and I have to nurse or change a diaper. Kate is pretty good, but she’s still a toddler who doesn’t always listen! I can wear Ember, and I have done so twice now on test runs, but I can’t be climbing playground equipment!

As for me I’m pretty much feeling fine now. The first week I was sore and had to take it easy, but now I feel pretty much normal. My belly has shrunk a ton, I’ve lost 19 of the 36 pounds I put on, I have energy and I’m very pleased that I can now bend over without a basketball squashing me. Moodwise I’m even fine, which is weird because I remember crying off and on for a few weeks after I had Kate, hormones going a little crazy. This time I just feel pretty mellow and happy that my girls are home with me.