One of the reasons I suspected this might actually be a girl baby is my ridiculous craving for junk food. I tried rationalizing it, saying to myself that even if I craved salads and veggies with Devin and chocolate with Kate, that’s not exactly scientific evidence or anything. And besides, I’m not necessarily craving chocolate, but chips and cookies and stuff. Well now we know it’s a girl and I can deny it no longer: I have been eating total crap. It’s not the meals so much as the constant snacking. At first I just had to get something in me, I didn’t care what it was – usually crackers or toast. And that’s fine. But yeah, the christmas cookies, chocolates, salt and vinegar chips (that are oh so SO good)? That’s just me being greedy. Well at 20 weeks pregnant I have gained roughly 15lbs, which is more than either of my other two pregnancies and more than I want. Note it’s not the weight itself that bugs me, but the fact that I know it’s because of my crap diet. Something has to change.

Now that Christmas is over and I have eaten my favorite goodies I have stuffed the chocolate into my not-so-secret drawer (but it’s out of sight, and that’s the important part). The leftovers of my own christmas baking (various chocolates, mostly), which I kept staring at every damn time I opened the fridge, I set in a pile last night and wrote Den a note that he would see before work: Please take these! I bought a whole roasted chicken from the grocery store that I can make chicken sandwiches from; I hard-boiled some eggs; I bought wheat bread and english muffins for Kate and I to have with breakfast and lunch. The hardest part, to me, is the lack of good fresh fruit in the winter – that’s my go-to healthy snacks. Oh there is some in the grocery store, but the quality is…. not very high. I do have some apples and grapes, but the pears and peaches and strawberries are pretty much in the “not until spring/summer” category.

I am starving. And twitchy. I crave those chocolates and potato chips like a bugger. It’s so hard when I get used to eating them, because I want them. I know from past experience that once I go a while without eating them I’ll stop craving them and won’t even like the taste of them that much. But getting off it is hard! I’m glad this is pretty much my worst addiction (barring the internet, but we won’t go there).

And I have apparently hit another must continuously eat stage, as well. It’s driving me a little bonkers.

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I was going to finish this post last night but *someone* wouldn’t go to bed. She’s stuffed up again – I feel like the cold she had before Christmas never went completely away, now it’s back again. Just a stuffy, runny nose, so she’s fine otherwise, and she’s been sleeping at night and naps without much trouble. But last night she threw a fit at me! I layed her in her crib and she immediately started with the hysterics. I’d get her up, turn on the TV, try again in a little bit. She kept acting like she wasn’t tired at all and would start crying and kicking her legs whenever I carried her towards the bedroom. Ug! I finally got her to fall asleep just after midnight – not peacefully, she still didn’t want to but she was tired by then. Of course it happens on an evening Den is out, too.

Thankfully between her and the dogs they all slept until 10am! That never happens (especially the dogs). I looked at the clock when Kate woke up and said, “Holy crap!”

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Kate’s new favorite word seems to be “cheewios”. She asks for them and when I bring out the box she shouts “CHEEWIOS!!” It’s too funny. Unfortunately we have had a few incidents the last few days of her dumping her bowl of cheerios all over the floor – thank goodness we have dogs.

She also asks for “Ehmo!” (Elmo), as I mentioned before, and now “Why” (Super Why). Which actually was very useful last night when she was up for hours past her bedtime and I just needed time to decompress, I put on TV and she zoned out in her chair holding her puppy watching her shows.

I’m really thankful that we have these means of communication with her, it definitely cuts down on frustration (her and ours) and any random shrieking and pointing. Although she’s started to come up with new words – and sometimes new signs – and then gets upset we don’t know what she wants. The other day she followed me into the kitchen and kept pointing at the counter saying what sounded like “Hot,” which makes zero sense. But she was insistent! And when I told her I had no idea what she wanted she melted down into tears. I picked her up and she reached for the sink faucet, so I think she wanted the water? No idea where she got that one from, unless I warned her once in the bathroom that it was hot, don’t touch.

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As for me, I’m doing fine. I’m trying to be careful of what I eat right before bed. I cut out milk (and cereal, since that was my go-to snack) and the heartburn seems much much better. The nausea seems to be making a comeback, however, which makes me cranky. It’s not anything like what it was, but I’ll just be watching TV with Kate and then have to run for the toilet. As an added bonus, Ember is sitting on my blader constantly so now I pee all over myself when I throw up. I keep some cloth diaper prefolds in the bathroom now to stuff between my legs. Glamorous! (The Nausea with Devin persisted past 20 weeks too, so this isn’t unprecedented… just annoying.)

Ember is wicked active! Den got to feel her for the first time two days ago, she kept kicking and didn’t stop when he put his hand there. Every night when I lay in bed she just kicks and kicks. It’s as if she’s saying, “Yeah, big sister is in bed and mommy’s resting! MY TURN!” It always brings a smile to my face to feel her wiggle and kick in there.

I’m definitely adjusting to the idea of raising two little girls. There are certainly a lot of benefits – though I am definitely not thinking about the teenaged years. (La la la, can’t hear you!) I hope they grow up to be good friends and stay close. It’s certainly going to be a different family dynamic (from what I pictured… and from what it would have been if Devin were here).

It’s kind of funny how you just adapt to your child. I was a little sad when I found out Kate was a girl, too, but now… well now our lives just seem so perfect with her in it and I can’t imagine not having her. I couldn’t picture ever having a toddler either, and now I do and she’s still… Kate. Watching your own child grow is just such an amazing experience.