On the whole I am still very young, not yet even 30 years old. Yet the past 8 years have matured me more than I think I grew in the previous 8. Large parts of it are due to the specific struggles I have faced, from a long-distance relationship, immigration, infertility and losing a child. Some I’m sure is just due to time and now becoming a mother and raising a child.

Some friends were laughing recently at how young and naive we once were, so incensed at the injustices of the world, so fired up and unable to move past the little slights. I think back to my old blog, the one I had through college, and I roll my eyes at the emotional outrage and sulkiness that it contained. You think life is rough now, kid? Just you wait for what’s around the corner. But of course I didn’t know, and without that knowledge and experience that’s just what it was at the time.

Then I think, oh good god, I’m going to have a teenage daughter one day. I guess the best I can hope for is that we all weather that storm and she comes out a good, smart, grounded person on the other side. I know at the time you won’t believe anything I say about the world – it’s something you have to discover for yourself. Either you won’t believe me when I tell you the world is a tough place, with worse trials than you can imagine lurking out of sight, or you won’t believe me when I tell you that after all of that it’s still a good place to be, there is still plenty of things to look forward to. It will be hard on me to watch you struggle through. I won’t tell you to get over – well, maybe I will, but I’ll try not to. Everything you feel is valid, if based on an incomplete understanding of the world. You’ll come to your own realizations in time – as much as I’ll want to help you. But I’ll always be here for you if you need me. That I can promise.

I hope one day she’ll get to hold her own child in her arms, that all will make sense to her. I hope one day she understands just how much she changed my life.