My latest concern is endometriosis. Squarepeg just mentioned she’s worrying about the same thing, and she appears to have more symptoms than I do. I know one of the major things that makes me nervous is the fact that my aunt had endo and it’s what delayed their second child for, oh, 5 years or so. Of course back then I had no idea what was going on, but later in life it made more sense and mom told me it was endo. So now I worry. How much of AF is “just” AF? I don’t have constant pain, I don’t have pain around O, I do have cramps during AF. And bloating. And horrible diarrhea all AF. I always just feel so ill the whole time, like my insides have turned to jelly. So I don’t know, is that normal?

And then there’s of course two other things to worry about: the fact that some people with endo don’t have any symptoms (so even if the weird shit is just AF, I could still have it), and the fact that you need a lap (surgery) to look inside and diagnose it. Not cool. Really, really not cool. Better than a c-section, but cutting holes in my skin is not a good thing. Childish, maybe. However I have survived this long without being in a hospital except for my grand entrance (via a c-section, ironically enough), and I had hoped to make it much longer.

So I’ll continue to worry.

I mentioned to my supervisor at work about the testing we’ll be starting next month. She is just such an awesome person. She asked questions about what can be done, she was shocked at the cost of IVF, she said how much it sucks that we can’t get pregnant. No stupid assvice. No brushing it off getting all wiggy. I like this girl more and more.