I am so exhausted. We all are. I am so glad my mom is here helping out because I have no idea how I would have pulled off a party without help! Den took care of the yard while I did decorations and food; mom did a lot of the food prep and occupied Kate when she was being clingy while I needed to get things done. My mom even cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. All I can think about is how gross my house would have been were she not here!

Things went well. Not perfect – I have some notes to jot down for next time in the “to do” and “NOT to do” columns, but overall we had a great party with our friends and family. Kate was fantastic, playing with the other kids and being her normal cheery, outgoing self. I made sure she took a good nap that morning, knowing that there wouldn’t be any downtime until the late evening, and she handled it so well. She looked quite tired by the end, but it didn’t affect her mood at all. She’s such a social girl.

The cake I made turned out okay, but there was a while the night before the party that I had a meltdown. I had this vision in my head of a two-tiered pink cake with white trim. It did in fact end up looking very similar to my vision, which is awesome for my first attempt at a decorated fancy cake. The problem was that in order to get the cake the color I wanted I had to add a huge amount of dye – a lot more than I was expecting. The icing stained everything! I had a huge panic attack after decorating the cake, realizing what a huge mess it was going to make. I ended up making a small little cake just for Kate, with very light pink icing, so that she didn’t end up a bright pink disaster. And then apparently any red dye, in large amounts, leaves a weird taste to the icing. So it was not the tastiest cake ever. Den thought the icing was disgusting, though I didn’t think it was that bad. Next time I know better!

Kids were running all over our yard playing, next time I need to have more toys available! I didn’t really think to bring out Kate’s toys from inside and we don’t really have much for older kids. They played ball with Den’s baseball bat and Kate’s big pink ball. Kate’s ball pit (our present to her) was a hit, though. I didn’t realize that many children could fit into one very small inflatable pool! (My Brother-in-law wryly remarked, “Write it off as a loss. There’s bound to be at least one hole in it by now!” But it actually appears to have survived! It is one sturdy $8 pool!) Next time I’ll get a bigger one – and more balls, lol.

The food turned out really well. I tried out a couple new recipes, which is always nervewracking on a big day! My mom kept saying I was very brave. I was ready to change my plans at the last minute if something tasted gross, though… luckily people liked them! (Check out this recipe for Sweet Macaroni Salad… definitely a winner!) We had chicken breasts and burgers and hotdogs, which Den cooked all on our grill. I was not a fan of the burgers and dogs idea, but in the end that is just the thing for a backyard party.

And the dress, oh the dress! When I was trying to decide what she should wear for her birthday we decided against a shirt and skirt, feeling that was too plain for us. I wanted a cute dress. I searched online and found a cute one at The Children’s Place. It turns out that the dress is even 100 times cuter in person than in the picture online! Oh my, it was beyond perfect. It had a little tulle underneath to fluff it out, a ribbon edge. I could not have asked anything more perfect!

Everyone was absolutely exhausted by the end of the day. I slept until 11am today (thank you Denis and mom!!!) and still took a nap with Kate in the afternoon, along with everyone else in the house. Kate was definitely the perkiest one of the day today, playing with her new toys, stomping around the house chasing cats, and babbling at the top of her lungs. I felt like I had a hangover the entire day, and I never had a drop of alcohol!

Today I just watched Kate walk around and tried to process the fact that she is now one. Unbelievable. She’s not a baby anymore. Not that she’s been a “baby” for a while, but it still seems so momentous and strange. I don’t really know how to feel about it, to be honest. I haven’t cried, I’m not upset… but at the same time it is a little sad. I guess all her big milestones will feel a bit like this. I’m so proud of who she is, but it’s hard to let go, too.

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Dearest Kate:

I wish I could go back a year and tell myself that I would love you as much today as I did that first week. That it’s still you in my arms – just a bigger, brighter, more interactive you. As I hold you in my arms as you fall asleep in the dark it’s the same back, same head, same hands. You’re so very different from the tiny little being we brought into this world, but you’re still you. We’re still inextricably tied together, you and I. My heart will never stop loving everything you are, no matter how you grow and change and evolve. I watch it happen in front of me and am amazed at every piece of the chain.

You don’t owe me anything. All the diapers, the tantrums, the sleepless nights, the sacrifices, they’re all willingly given in exchange for the privilege of being your mom, of watching you grow up and being here with you.

I love you, baby girl, and always will. Thank you for the best year of my life so far.

Mama

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