Friggin sleep… but I have new jeans
Well the crib thing seems to be working so far. It’s not painless, there are definitely some tears when I lower her in even if she’s almost asleep, but either she’ll play for a little bit before getting tired and laying down (and crying) or if she’s really tired just a touch from me and she’ll fall asleep. For a kid who is normally nursed and cuddled and held tight while falling asleep just needing me to touch her on the head is a pretty big deal. I also did remove the mirror and piano from her crib, because during her nap today as she was falling asleep she caught sight of herself and started laughing. While hysterical to watch, it also woke her up and took me longer. So now just the little stuffed animal and blanket, in the hopes that she will (please, please) like one of them enough to become attached to it.
I’ve actually realized that her problem isn’t that she needs me as in I need mama nearby. No. She needs me in the same way my husband needs his pillow. Today in addition to removing crib toys I put in the crib bumper, since she likes scooting against the rails and kept hitting her head. Since I’m no longer worried about her suffocating (dude, she can walk, she’s not going to roll against the bumper and be unable to roll away), the bumper seems like a good idea for now. Well with the bumper up when I lay down on the futon mattress she can’t see me at all while she’s laying down in the crib. It didn’t matter. The past few nights I stuck my hand through the slats, under the bumper, and lightly touched her head as she fell asleep. That was all she needed, just that warmth and touch. She couldn’t see me, I didn’t say a word, and she didn’t come looking for me. Just needed my hand.
Like I said, it is not a tears-free zone. At her age I’m getting used to the little crying and whining, especially the I’m-tired cry. Even cosleeping there were many nights when she didn’t want to sleep and I’d have to hold her tight to get her body to shut off so she could sleep… much crying. So the little protesting cries, those don’t really bother me. It’s just the hysterical crying that I can’t handle. So, like always, I’m just going to feel my way through this. I pick her up when she gets hysterical, I shush her and rub her head when she’s crying, but I’m trying to let her figure it out.
Last night she only woke twice in 12 hours. That’s pretty damn amazing.
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Does anyone have any articles or links pertaining to getting your child attached to a lovie/transitional object? Everything I’m finding at first glance is about why not to be worried when they are attached to something, blah blah blah. That’s fine. That’s great. I know all of that. What I can’t seem to figure out is how to convince Kate to find one. I have a couple of objects in her crib that are safe, acceptable lovies. She plays with them, then tosses them to the side. In months past I have tried holding the stuffed animal between us while she’s nursing, cuddling together with it…. she reacted by getting steadily more irritated and finally flinging the object away from her. WTF. There are no websites that cover this. I’m at a loss here.
So I am still stuck going in there every time she wakes up to touch her gently so she can go back to sleep. In the middle of the night often all it takes is a light touch on the top of her head. Other times I have to stick my hand in the crib so she can lay her head on my hand. (Yes, I lay there at a very awkward angle for a few minutes until she’s asleep). To get her to initially fall asleep she typically requires gripping my fingers. I am well aware that this is why she requires my attention multiple times a night, when she’s not hungry. But short of full CIO for several days (which I just don’t want to do) I just don’t know how to get her to accept anything but me!
Though, okay, I have to take a step back here. The past few days she has been doing remarkably well with this, needing my touch for a few seconds/minutes and then being fine without it as she falls all the way asleep. Tonight when I put her down she was very clingy. I just have to remind myself that progress is not a straight line, that there will be some back and forth. She also could have something (teeth) bothering her today… and her naps were crappy so she was really tired. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
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I don’t think I’ve mentioned it here, but in the past few months since hitting my pre-pregnancy weight I have continued to lose. I’m probably around 125lbs now, which is a weight I haven’t seen since approximately 2003. It’s also about as low as I want to get, and with nursing I have to keep reminding myself to eat. I have had an issue with being underweight in the past… I started college at around 105lbs. I’m 5’6″. That is not a good weight for me.
Today I finally decided that I’ve had enough of my baggy jeans, it was time to replace them with something that actually fits me. Shopping with a 10 month walker is… interesting. Thankfully Kohls has changing rooms with no large gaps under the doors, so my little explorer could not escape. She had a fun time pushing the stroller around the limited space and giggling at herself in the mirror. Walking around the store while I picked out pants, however, not so much fun. She was irritated with sitting in the stroller and kept trying to grab clothes – to chew on, not try on. Out of the stroller she was much more happy but of course kept trying to wander off. And eat clothes. (What is it with clothes?!) Finally she settled for “helping” me push the stroller around. It took us approximately 10 minutes to go from one end of the store to the middle, but her giggles were well worth the delay.
I learned some valuable lessons about clothes after two babies. Jeans in the juniors section are so low-rise they show your crotch. Also they push the belly muffin up and out. Not attractive. Also the Juniors section size 5/6 is not the same as the Ladies size 6. I could barely get my ass into them, much less zip them up.
I ended up fitting nicely into a size 6 stretchy jeans by Lee. I like the stretchy. Okay, it’s still not quite stretchy enough when I sit down, but I’m not sure how to get around that particular problem. It either digs into the belly when I sit, is too loose when I’m standing, or it’s so low it creates a muffin top. Clearly I need to go back to pregnancy stretchy-waistband jeans. Why aren’t all jeans like that, again?
I don’t know how my daughter got attached to her lovie, but she did, and she NEEDS it to go to sleep. It is her comfort item and it comforts her even when she’s not asleep, like if she’s sick.
All I know that I did was have the same ONE item in her crib (it was a stuffed Winnie the Pooh on a small 12″x12″ blanket) since she was about 5 months old. I don’t even remember when it “became” her lovie, it just did.
So my only advice would be to put just ONE potential lovie in her crib. (This might not be what you wanted to hear, but this is what we did and what worked for our kid.)
To be honest,I dont think you can actually encourage a kid to become attached to a certain something..its kinda like forcing a person to fall inlove with the person *you* chose,you cant do that! lol.
Noelia was given a small stuffed cow the day she was born.Its very colourful,suuuuper soft and it was tiny enough that she could hold it as a baby if needed.I used to put that thing beside her in her crib (nothing else) I´d put it in the stroller with her when we went out,Id sit it with her in her high chair,slip it with her as she nursed,and then we´d use it to encourage her to eat when she started solids etc
That little cow (the toy lol) is still around,he´s dirty and looking pretty old,but Noelia never got attached to it.She did however get attached to a freakin burp rag for the longest time! I dont even know how that happened.Id put a burp rag under her chin when she nursed,and eventually,she started pulling it over her face and rubbing it against her nose..before I knew it,she would need that thing covering her whole face to fall asleep,and she was attached to it for MONTHS (until she turned about 18 months).She used to hate it when I washed it too..it had to have that “lived-in” smell lol.
If Kate ever finds comfort in a certain something ,it´ll be something she chooses for herself..and you may be surprised at what it is (if she ever needs one that is).My sisters daughter had a pair of my sisters summer PJ bottoms as her lovie (shorts).She´s 6 now and still cuddles that old looking peice of rag.The son of a friend of mine is almost 3,and his lovie is a wooly hat (which he actually needs to wear! even in the summer!! lol).My sons lovie was an old rubber pacifier.He´d hold it in his hand and scratch at it or rub it against his nose..and he did that until he was 8 years old!
Some kids just find a certain something and for some reason,it comforts them,whilst others,even though we try to encourage it,wont need anything at all ;)
If Kate doesnt *need* a lovie,thats actually a good thing.
The sleep thing will all come together eventually… here to your sanity while it does!
I managed to find a ton of jeans last year at Macy’s and amazingly they were not crazy expensive… only about 20-25 bucks a pair. I am still addicted to the juniors section because I have yet to find jeans in the misses section that work for me but I so echo your complaints… some of them zip right at my pubic bone… seriously WTF… NOBODY should be walking around like that lol. It takes forever to find ones that are normal and even then I don’t think I’ll ever find something that remains muffin top free.
Speaking of the stretchy waist band… I kid you not a few years ago Macy’s did sell some in the juniors section that were marketed as like ‘lounge jeans’ or something and they had a stretchy waistband like maternity jeans do. I actually bought a couple pairs although I was a bit afraid they would look maternity like. They were so comfy but I wore those out lol I wish they would make more.. so wonderful.
HOORAY FOR PROGRESS! That all sounds great to me! You are doing a great job! I know the set-backs can be very frustrating. I think you will continue to see more improvements. This may sound gross, but I actually squirted breastmilk directly on her lovey. It is a very soft blanket with a bear head on it..lined with satin, so she liked putting her arm around it. And any time we read a book, we held the Lovey. Any time we giggled and tickled, we included the Lovey by tickling it as well. I talked to and kissed the Lovey just as I did her. I “made” her Lovey sing songs. I took the Lovey everywhere with us..sat it next to her when she ate, put it in the car, etc.
Sorry, forgot to sign in..that was me above!
This is only my opinion – so I could be wrong – but I really feel like you can’t make a child attach to a lovie. They either will, or won’t. My son never did, and we tried all kinds of objects. He just wasn’t a lovie type of guy.
Sounds like you are doing great with the sleeping! That’s a big jump, from lying next to you to lying in the crib with just your hand! I’m trying to do some gradual changes, too. I am a strong believer in that approach, but it does take a lot of patience, especially when you know your child’s crying because s/he wants to be near you. I hope it continues to go well.
I second the idea of putting one potential lovey in the crib only. When Julia went through a rough sleeping patch (at about 10 months, interestingly) I started tucking a little Carter’s lamb stuffed animal under her arm when I put her down. She probably ignored it for a month, but now (15 months) it’s a big part of the sleep routine. I suggeset picking a stuffed animal that’s a relatively small size; I think Julia likes lamb because she can chew on the feet, as well.
Jeans suck. Same problems here. We concentrated on one lovey for a long time took it with us etc. I read that making it smell like you helps and a smaller thing they can grip that is at least part blanket helps. He loves the blanket pals. Sounds like u are doing well!
The BEST jeans in the world, period, are Se7en jeans. And I don’t necessarily mean the $150+ a pair 7s, more like $35-40/pair. I have several pairs that I found either at Burlington Coat Factory or Kohl’s (though I’m not sure they sell them anymore….haven’t seen them recently) that I LOVE. Pre-preggo and Post-partum. Enough stretch to be comfy but not clingy. Low enough rise that they don’t look like mom jeans, but they cover your ass when you bend over or squat down. And the denim is just so soft and comfortable.
On lovies: Since my LO was born, we’ve kept a stuffed pony and a muslin blanket in her crib. She didn’t seem to care about them until she hit 14-15 months. And then she suddenly became very attached to them and asked for them whenever she started getting tired. Her pediatrician told me that something like 15-18 months is a common time babies become attached to a comfort object. So maybe Kate just hasn’t hit that stage yet. I’d just keep on keeping a couple soft, cuddly items around her for all naps and bedtime, and I bet she’ll start to attach to one or more of them in a few months. My LO is now 19 months, and LOVES her “pony and bankie”. We try to keep them special by only letting her have them for naps and bedtime.
Side note: I tried to find a back-up pony on eBay recently in case our original pony ever got lost, and they are selling for FIFTY to SEVENTY dollars. I’m sure this pony cost about $10 at Target when it was purchased. Crazy!
Our daughter is 11 (and a half) months old and just in the past 2 weeks became totally attached to a little monkey. We’ve been trying to get her to love on some other things, hadn’t even tried the monkey, when one day she saw it and fell in love. This might be frustrating to hear, but I think that they just take their own time and when Kate sees it, she’ll know. : )
Sleep has been our thing too. It’s been really really hard. We didn’t want to do CIO either. I hated the idea of it. But in the end, when she was waking up every 45 minutes or waking up and staying awake for 2-3 hours at a time… and like you I was losing my patience during the day, I knew something had to change. I never felt right about letting her cry, but it really was something we all needed. In the end, it wasn’t about my comfort level, it was about her knowing that she was okay in her crib by herself. We did checks and sang songs and patted her back and she knew we were there, but that it was time for sleep. It took some time, about a week maybe?, but she’s fine now. Great actually.
She used to nurse right to sleep, but lately, she wants to be put down for sleep. She wiggles until I lay her down. She’s her own person and even though I’d rather her fall asleep nursing b/c I love it, she no longer needs it.
I’m NO expert. I just know what has worked for us, I hope you find something that works and helps Kate sleep better.
My daughter became attached to her burp clothes. I think it was because I always had one tucked in my bra when she nursed (messy eater). It seems she associated the burp cloth with nursing and therefore comfort from mama. Maybe if you introduce the same item to Kate every time you nurse her she will eventually become attached to it???