Big plans, first attempt
Kate will play happily with her toys for a few minutes at least – unless I sit down with her. Then she takes one look at me, leans towards me, puts out her hands, and vocally demands to stand up.
Today when I checked on dinner I left her in her bedroom for a few minutes, playing with a book on the floor. There was silence. Den went down to peek in the room and found out that she’d abandoned her book and was inch-worming for the door. Quietly and peacefully, mind you. Well she looked up, saw Den, and then started squalling as if she couldn’t possibly go another inch, she’s stuck, she’s helpless, pick me up! It most definitely was not the cry of sadness, it was a cry of frustration. As soon as Den put her on her feet she grinned at him as if nothing whatsoever had just happened.
Oh yes, the temper tantrums are starting. Due to her whole sleep schedule being out of whack sometimes we go to bed when she thinks it’s playtime. Or, like a few of the last couple nights, she wakes up from her “nap” at 2am and decides it’s no longer time for sleep. Which is frustrating enough on its own, but the way she lets us know this is by throwing the biggest damn fit. I usually cuddle her to get her to go to sleep, but when I do that when she’s in that mood she arches her back, throws her arms wide, and screams in fury. Last night when it happened Den and I just looked at each other with eyebrows raised. It’s not like 2am is the peak of my patience, either.
I feel like the nights are getting a tiny bit better, but every time I think that to myself she does another wide-awake-in-the-middle-of-the-night tantrum. Plus I don’t think she’s slept for longer than a 2 hour stretch at night in about a month. WTF. As a newborn she was doing 3 hours, and at 2 months old she was doing 3-5 hours, and now it’s 1-2. Plus instead of nursing for 2 seconds and falling back to sleep she’s squirming, whining, and waking up every time I so much as twitch my little finger. Which means instead of barely waking up, I am coming wide awake every time, shushing her, rocking her, gently moving away again… I’m so tired! And then I woke up again when Den’s alarm went off and couldn’t go back to sleep. I probably had maybe 4-5 hours of broken sleep. I know I said we’d wait to move her until the time shift was sorted out, but that was it for me, I’m done, toast, if I get woken up at 6am one more time I may go on an alarm clock murderous rage. Or if the dogs bark, or if my husband snores… dude, I am just a pissy person at night right now.
So. Kate now has a mattress on the floor in her completely cleaned out and babyproofed room. She is currently asleep on it, in fact. Problem is, I don’t know what to do now. Part of me thinks if we’re making a change we should make it all the way and I use this opportunity to gently show her that she is fully capable of sleeping by herself for longer than 2 hours. But then part of me thinks that she’s in a new bed in a new room, maybe I should stay with her so that it’s not a rough transition. And philosophical questions aside, my current dilemma is this: do I go to bed and try to sleep, knowing that she will probably wake up and cry .2 seconds after I fall asleep? Is that even worth it? Because really, that’s what’s on my mind. My plan is to try to get sleep in my own bed, then move to hers when she wakes up and I’m really tired. That way I get some sleep alllll by myself, but in the morning I’ll be safely ensconced in her room so Den won’t wake me. Good plan. No idea how it’ll work. Probably very poorly if she only sleeps for 1 hour chunks, which is my worry. Oh dear child, I love you and I have no problems with where you and I sleep, if we’re together or apart, but for the love of the internets please sleep longer than 2 hours at a time.
How did last night go?
We had similar problems around that age, iirc, (er, the recalling about the age, not the problems – I remember the problems QUITE WELL) despite the fact that n had been in her crib on her own for a few months. Middle of the night was PARTY TIME!!! And we had 2-3 nights of trying everything we could think of until I just had to leave her in there to figure it out herself. It sucked – I don’t envy you! I hope it passes quickly.
good luck! For me, I was never able to make a plan that took multiple days/weeks to carry out. I just do what I’m in the mood for that night, i.e. depending on how tired I am. Of course, J still is a terrible sleeper, but I’m much less stressed. Hope Kate is better.
Just commiserating with you and letting you know it WILL eventually get better. It’s exhausting and infuriating while you’re going through it, you just have to figure out a way to survive long enough for her to grow out of it.
Feeling for you.. sounds like you are getting a plan together and seeing where it goes, and that’s all you can do. Mine did not sleep well at all for the first year. I did respond to every cry/whimper at night and during naps b/c of reflux. Finally, after months and months of lack of sleep, we couldn’t handle it anymore. We took her to a pediatric sleep specialist 2 hours away when she’d wake up every 20 mintues. He basically laughed at us and said, at 11 months, she was old enough to sleep train. I shuddered. But after taking her to 3 different doctors, we didn’t have any other options. So I ignored his advice to use the Ferber method and instead found a great ebook called “Good Night, Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady Shuffle” or something like that. It was gentler than the other sleep training methods in that I was in the room with her the whole time. It wasn’t easy at all, but after a week, she slept on her own all through the night, and we have had zero problems since. She’s two now. This got her thru learning to walk, all kinds of travel, teething, etc. her sleep patterns were never interrupted for long. She was 11 months when we started, much older than Kate. I was still nursing when we trained, and I used that as a time to stop nursing at night. We nursed another 7 months after she started STTN. I’m only offering this as my story..no advice from me on your situation other than to keep with your gut instincts. I think, mainly, we just reached the point where we couldn’t handle the lack of uninterrupted sleep anymore, and Lizzy couldn’t either.
Oh, I also mention that ebook b/c it has a good section on how to improve cosleeping, if you decide to keep doing it, and it also helps with discontinuing it…it is a great book, with no judgement, and it adaptable to whatever your family prefers. I looked up the title, and it is http://www.amazon.com/Good-Night-Sleep-Tight-Helping/dp/1593150253…but I used the ebook version.
crap! Let me try again!
http://www.amazon.com/Good-Night-Sleep-Tight-Helping/dp/1593150253
We do the same thing in our home, have a mattress instead of a crib, in our baby’s room. I don’t know if this would work for you, but we do the “start in your own bed and join us when you wake up” thing (which we plan to do through her childhood). So, typically, I nurse her to sleep in her room and then when she wakes up later, I bring her in to our bed. We both love this because it gives us a few hours of us time but we still get to have a version of a family bed and wake up to our smiling baby girl in the morning. We don’t make her “cry it out” but sometimes I wait a few several moments to make sure that she is really awake before I go bring her to us (occasionally she will make crying sounds and then go right back to sleep). Sometimes, when she wakes up only an hour or two after going to sleep (especially if we are still awake and not ready for bed), I will just go in and nurse her back to sleep again on her own mattress. So far it seems to be working for us.
But, of course, it absolutely depends on whether you want to continue the family bed! If not, this probably wouldn’t be the best idea. I learn so much from reading your blog, thanks for posting!
I so totally feel your pain!
We’ve got Leah on a day-to-day schedule, and have since she was born because of the supposed weight issues. It made it really easy to convince her to sleep the night through from ridiculously early on, and she’s woken up maybe twice in the past year? Went right back to sleep after a cuddle; she’s in the same room, but in her own crib. It might be worth trying; kids supposedly like stability. :)
Anyways, do as you think is best for you and yours, of course. <3