I have a headache
Yesterday I picked up the No-Cry Sleep Solution (previously I had read the No-Cry Nap Solution. It was good, so I got the night-sleep version). I figured I would start by logging her night waking and go from there.
Worst. Night. Ever. Normally at night she does 3-hour stretches – has since she was born. She’s sick, so it’s been worse. I didn’t realize how much worse until this morning when I looked over the night’s notes and saw she woke up 8 times between 10:30pm and 9am. She did a 3-hour stretch and then woke up practically every hour. And I don’t mean waking to play, just waking rooting and squirming and flailing her little arms around, eyes closed. She’d nurse for all of 10 seconds before falling back asleep, but never contentedly. She’s still snorting laying down, meaning she is still a little stuffed up.
I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately. Reading the books has helped me gain a new perspective of things, which is good – new tools to try are always welcome. However – and it’s a big however – it has made me over-think it all. I feel like now I’m working on different processes, and every nap time and sleep is an assessment or an experiment. It’s also made me think too much about the things she’s not doing right, like how she takes 5 1-hour naps a day instead of 3 2-hour naps like she “should”, and how she goes to bed late with us but wakes up at 9am every morning instead of going to bed at 7pm like babies “should”. I’m not saying the books are causing me to do it, I still think the books are awesome; it’s just that my personality tends to get hung up on things. Den called me, “Obsessive-Compulsive without the Compulsive.” I obsess in a bad, bad way, and I need to cut it out. What we do works just fine for us most of the time… it’s just not textbook. And of course it could use some improvement, but what couldn’t.
Tonight as I tried to disentangle myself from my daughter’s death-grip in order to sneak out while she sleeps I realized that her problem is more than a strong sleep association with nursing. Yes, I nurse her to sleep pretty much exclusively – but she takes the paci and will konk out on our chests if she has it and is rocked and jiggled. She’ll wake herself up after only 20 or 30 minutes napping – not nearly long enough – but when I go in I notice she still has the paci in her mouth! There’s something else waking her up: she sleeps with something in her hands. She started that as a newborn, sleeping on our chests with our shirts tightly clenched. Tonight she roused slightly as I un-gripped her from my shirt and I tried to get her back to sleep without her holding my shirt. She flailed, she grunted, she whined, she cried, she woke up. As soon as I let her hold my shirt she was out again. Well shit. This is somewhat of a problem. I can’t leave my shirt with her (I tried it once while I sat and watched… she pulled it right up over her face). I know older babies have lovies as a transitional object, but technically it’s not safe to put anything else near her while she’s sleeping at this age. So what the hell do I do?
Until I solve that one I may be stuck with the 1-hour naps – and her sleeping right next to me at night.
::
On the “really cute but partially annoying” list I can now add that Kate’s arms are long enough to reach my face when nursing. Sometimes this is sweet and I love her little hands. However when she is clawing my cheek and pulling my lip every few seconds while we’re both falling asleep…. not so cute.
She’s developed a real obsession for touching our faces. Den lets her do it more than I do (I have a thing about slobbery fingers…. yuck), but she’s always jamming her fingers in our mouths and grabbing at our cheeks and noses. She thinks us “nomming” on her fingers is hilarious, so she does that one just for kicks. But the rest is more exploratory. It’s so cool to watch her frown in concentration as she feels everything.
In fact, she’s become kind of obsessed with touching everything. The other evening Den was wearing her in the Beco and I noticed him leaning awkwardly against the wall. I looked over to see what he was doing and saw that he had stopped beside the thermostat and leaned over so that Kate could touch it, little arm stretched out as far as it could go. Saturday morning when ate out for breakfast she was grabbing at everything on the table. We let her reach the napkins and cutlery and her toys that we brought with us, all of which end up on the floor in roughly 2 seconds. She’s not yet intentionally tossing them on the floor, she just hasn’t quite figured out her hand coordination enough to not drop things (or fling them over her shoulder!). She was fascinated by our menus and absolutely insistent on stretching out to touch Den’s water glass. He finally held it close enough that she could touch it and she promptly grabbed it with both hands and dumped half the water on the table, much to his surprise (it was a glass full of water, he didn’t thinks he could lift it! Ha!). And of course she had to try to fit it in her mouth.
I just love watching her play with things now, watching her fists open and close as she practices and really feels things.
That bumbo is a loaner from a friend and it’s only half a hit. It would have been great before she learned to roll over. Now she lasts for maybe 5 minutes and then starts doing this:
So, yeah. Not a huge fan of the bumbo.
Some babies love to have something over their face. All three of my friend’s kids slept that way. I think that if it’s a light item, that’s ok. I found my daughter sleeping with a washing cloth clutching over her face. i don’t think she could suffocate with that (we swaddled most of the times though)
Otherwise, it sounds like Kate grew herself some habbits that will be hard to break. It was probably the best solution at that moment, but will not work in a long run, I guess, for everyone. So I guess prepare to be very patient, and gently help her to get better sleeping habbits. I was warned not to create habbits so I never nursed to sleep, or held the baby when she was falling asleep and so far so good. I didn’t read the books LOL… they drove me nuts. Especially Babywise, which basically sounded like you have to it this way or you’re a failing parent!!
We gave our boys little blankets that had tabs around the edges to hold. Just tie the material in a knot that way she has the ends to grasp and can’t cover her face!
Goodluck! You’re doing a great job!!!!
Oh, good idea!!
That IS a great idea! Love it! I wish I had thought of that!
Hi Nat,
Our 4 had small snugglies, about 1′ square in a really light weight material. I don’t think they would have suffocated even if they had tried but I do love Cheryl’s suggestion of tying a knot in the middle to be sure.
Keep up the good work and don’t obsess too much about the books – there is no way they can all be right;)
Cheers
Bridgit
Oooh textbook babies..they dont exsist Nat ;)
So babies are “supposed” to take three 2 hour naps during the day?? Really? I have 3 kids that never did lol.
Id let mine nap all they wanted and even so,they only took 2 naps a day.One in the morning,and another in the afternoon..none lasting more than 2 hours,and by a year old,they were no longer napping at all.
What Im getting at with this is,whilst parenting books are interesting and can be great for entertainment during naptime or whilst sitting on the toilet (lol),you will never learn as much from a book as you do from your own child,because your baby is not the baby the poeple in these books are talking about.
You cant get your own personal methods from a book ;)
I was given a few parenting books with my first,and being as he was a preemie,I hung onto every word and paragraph,turing to them religiously when things werent going as they were “supposed” to,and all I got out of that was extreme frustration and a very pissed off baby boy.I spent my days making notes (beleive me,you dont need to do that! BTDT lol),doubting myself and questioning what I was doing…I was so obsessed about being “text book” that I never got to just relax and think “what the heck..Im going to go with the flow and see what happens”,kwim?
Kate may not need those three 2 hour naps,she may not need most of the things the books are telling you that she does need..
Thats fine,because Kate is not that baby the books are aiming at..Kate is Kate :) Only you know what Kate needs and when she needs it,as her mother you understand and know her better than anyone else…every now and again just dump the books and listen to your gut ;)
Parenting isnt easy but its OK to make mistakes as you learn,we all do.IMO parenting books are just contradictive and confusing,because there are all kinds of books out there and all say that their method is the best.
CIO is wonderful..no wait,its harmful.Co-sleeping is natural and perfect,no wait! you can smother your baby,its dangerous! Atatchment parenting is the best for your baby..no wait! It just makes spoiled brats..traditional parenting is the way to go…
etc etc etc
Who´s right? Depending on the book you pick up,you will be given new lists of what-not-to-dos,and what irritates me is,they are aimed at *all* babies..so if I chose to co-sleep (example) what am I doing? Harming and spoling my baby?,or being a good mother? Does my ability as a mother really depend on what book I decided to read? If some scientists say that attachment parenting causes babies to be dependant and whiney,doesnt that go for all babies? Or are the scientists that say its a wonderful thing right instead? If CIO has negative effects on babies,they mean all babies right? Or is it OK? ….
Depending on what I want to hear and what book I read,Im either a fantasic comprehensive mother,or a monster who neglects her child..kwim?
Its CONFUSING lol.So many studies,so many books,so many rules and methods,yet just one baby..*your* baby.
Do your own thing,seriously.Once you let go and relax,it wont matter what Kate “should” be doing,just as long as she´s happy.
Many people ask me what “method” I use,and I always say “the one that works”.You cant find it in a book,you cant find it online and if I wrote a book myself it probably wouldent work for you either lol ;)
lol Gina, I love you. You are so so right!!!!
I love this one too! And I agree that you probably know what’s best in your gut. (I know I did) but self questioning and everybody else’s yammering makes it hard to trust yourself.
i used to leave a nursing pad in my daughters crib… idk if kate would chew on it, that would not be good obviously, but you can get washable fabric nursing pads. that might do it. the smell of you + breast milk = good :)
I’m an obsessor too. It made this stage very trying. She’s still keeping in with everything E did from what you describe. And a note to the “bad habits” thought… we followed E’s lead and gave him loving opportunities to move on just as you are and he did it all himself. He types himself out as “shy” every time I research it, and you just can’t push shy babies too hard. You have to give them opportunities with loving security. Well.. at least E you do. haha. Since all babies are so different, I should not do absolutes. I remember that I was always that way as a kid though too.
E had to hold things too. A lovey and holding things doesn’t even seem to be frowned upon by conservative doctors. It’s supported by research that security blankets are helpful to babies, should never be taken from them as punishment and that they will give them up when they are ready. (I had one of those too. haha) At about 5 mos, we let E hold one of his small flannel square wipes as a bed time lovey. That helped. Now he uses those little blankets with the stuffed animal head on them.. the small ones. The larger one he always puts over his face. That kid loves things over his face too. He used to smash himself into the side of his pack and play bassinet. Crazy baby. The small animal blankies seem ok though that he won’t suffocate himself. She’ll get better. I promise. :) As one wonderful Mommy said to me, “Do what you need to. I promise he won’t be 18 sleeping in bed with you.” haha.
p.s. ADORABLE photos. And I meant to say that once E had his lovey and could suck his thumb, life got infinitely better on the sleep front.
my nine month old holds a birp cloth while he sleeps. he has since he was only a few months old. i’m not sure if it’s the soft flannel, the smell, or just something to hold but it works. i nursed him to sleep in our bed till he was almost six months old. now i rock him in a chair and nurse him to sleep and put him in his crib. either way he is still in love with the boob too…sigh it’s a good thing but it does get difficult sometimes.
you are doing a fantastic job. kids are like snowflakes–no two are alike and it’s so tough to figure out what is “best” and sometimes what is best and what works are not the same :)
Delurking…..My son (22 months and still does) had that same issue with the blanket, our solution was a very loosly nitted baby blanket (holes about dime size between nits), if he put it over his head he could breath easily through it. Hope that helps..
I wish we had the blanket/shirt problem while sleeping! My son (18 months) has always been a hair puller. While nursing, cuddling, being rocked to sleep he would pull my hair. Painful, and not good since I was already losing loads of hair after the birth! lol In the last few months when his hair really started to grow, he discovered his own hair and now pulls that when he’s putting himself to sleep!! lol His hair is always sticking up in the middle now so he’s going to have bad hair days until he grows out of that! So, he grew out of one habit and into another!
So many people I know swear by those taggie blankets. If you’re crafty I’m guessing they would be easy to make yourself. Tying them in a know is a great idea.
Kate is gorgeous, and I just love the photo of her holding the glass! She has a good grip on that thing by the look of it!
Oh dear! I had a coworker who had that problem – her hair was her son’s attachment item, he would cry and cry when she wasn’t home because he couldn’t sleep without playing with her hair! Oy!