No-Cry Nap Solution
Today I went to the library and picked up The No-Cry Nap Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley. What a fantastic book! This is actually one of the cases where I wish I’d bought the book, instead of just borrowing it! It’s not just that the information is good – because it is – but also I love the tone she takes throughout. She’s very, “Do whatever works for you,” and, “Here’s some suggestions that might help.” She even states outright in several places in the book that if what you are doing creates a happy child and works for your family then by all means keep doing it! (Unlike many other sleep books, which basically say there is only ONE way to put your child to sleep, and if you don’t do it you are sabotaging yourself and your child.) She also talks about why certain things work well, or why certain problems consistently crop up. It’s logical, it’s based on very simple ideas, and it just feels good.
I nurse Kate to sleep. It is not the ONLY way to get her to sleep – she’ll go to sleep in a carrier or carseat with a pacifier – but primarily that’s it. The key thing I’ve read tonight is that babies who are nursed to sleep typically don’t need any routine or other specific attachments, nursing to sleep is the primary, overriding factor. That’s why she falls asleep so easily even though we have no bedtime routine, no wind-down period, nothing of the like. If she’s tired I take her in and nurse her and bam, she’s out. Easy-peasy. And like Elizabeth says, it works. At least it does until I’m out for the evening and Denis needs to put her to sleep. Then all hell breaks loose. So either he needs to pop her in the carrier for sleep while I’m out, or I need to change her associations.
The other problem this creates is that if she rouses from sleep for whatever reason – like between sleep cycles – she doesn’t know how to get herself back to sleep without nursing. Although she does sleep with her paci, and that sometimes is enough to get her through. (And god forbid she drop the paci!) Since she started napping on our bed I’ve noticed she sleeps for almost exactly one hour, every single nap. I had already assumed it was one full sleep cycle, since it was so consistent, and Elizabeth definitely confirmed that. Unfortunately she should be having two full cycles for a complete nap. Elizabeth calls a one cycle nap a “cat-nap.” This also explains why Kate is awake for a much shorter time span than most babies her age. Right now she’s up for about an hour before she starts showing signs that she’s tired… sometimes an hour and a half. And as soon as she stops being a happy baby and starts being fussy I take her, change her, and put her down for a nap… where she sleeps for an hour.
I’m on the fence about if this is an actual problem to anything other than me scheduling things outside of the house. Kate sleeps an appropriate 15-ish hours a day (10-ish overnight with me, 5-6 during naps), she wakes up happy and good to go, and she stays happy until that magic 1-hour mark where she gets fussy and quickly turns into a cranky, overtired baby. I mean, it would be nice if she slept for longer naps and was happy and alert for a little bit longer, but I also know that will come with time. She’s actually done a couple of 2-hour stretches on her own (causing me to worry, of course!). If she’s happy, I’m happy.
The only other time this is an issue – a small one, but frustrating – is bedtime. Kate is showing signs that she would like to go to bed at around 8pm. I turned off all the lights, set the white-noise and lullabyes, swaddled her lightly (lower half only, as per Kate’s preferences), and she drifted off peacefully. And woke up an hour later. Hummm. Baby should be sleeping. I tried getting her back down, but she was all “Not tired anymore!” So she was up past 10pm again. She’ll probably be awake in another hour, but then I’ll be ready to go to bed with her so… whatever. She sleeps until about 9am so, again, she’s getting enough sleep, just not exactly in the “normal” timeframe. Okay, this one may not be so much a “problem”…. I rather like sleeping in until 9!
Another interesting point: Elizabeth says in regards to sleep she considers “newborn” to be up to 4 months old, which apparently is when their sleep habits change. Obviously I have figured that one out, since Kate is most definitely in transition! I have heard stories of many, many mothers whose babies are all going through sleep changes at 4 months old (give or take). This is the area I am most definitely seeing the biggest change-over from her newborn behavior.
It’s all very fascinating, in any case. The book has many simple, easy-to-do solutions for every nap problem, and all of them involve providing a loving, comfortable alternative to existing behaviors – so they’re not quick-fixes, many do require transition periods where you slowly wean off one behavior to replace a more desirable one. It’s true to its title, too: nothing involves letting your baby cry or feel scared or upset. I love that. So many books on the market just make me feel uncomfortable because they don’t work with my parenting belief. This one does.
Babies go through a few changes in their sleep patterns.I find that each time you settle down and get used to something,they go through a “phase” and ruin it all lol.
All of my kids have had very normal NB rutines..which basiclly means they slept very little at night the first few months,then after that time,id step in and put a stop to it.
Noelia was alot like Kate (and completely different to my other 2).Id nurse her to sleep (still do) and then she´d be awake an hour later (this became very anoying at night-I needed time to myself).
Once she was 4 months old,I decided enough was enough.When she woke up expecting me to go to bed with her,Id go in,not turn on any lights,I didnt talk to her,stimulate her in any way and I didnt leave the room.Id offer her the breast and no matter what,it was time to sleep.
Yes,she did act very pissed the first few times,but I was there with her the whole time..instead of thinking “Oh well,I´ll just get up and walk with her”,I helped her understand that her only option was to stay laying down and go back to sleep.She learned,and although she still doesnt sleep through the night,we still partially co-sleep and she still nurses to sleep,she does fine for the first few hours in her bed alone,which is when I am able to get some “me” time in.
I totally agree that its important to keep our kids happy an content,but sometimes,for your own sanity,you kinda have to think about what works for *you* too ;) I know that Noelia would be over the moon and more than happy if I went to bed at the same time as her and layed with her all night,my older kids would be exstatic if I let them stay up until they think they´re actually tired or if I let them not bathe for days on end etc etc lol,but in those cases,a happy kid would mean a miserable momma lol.
You have to think of yourself and your hubby too..make sure you get plenty of time together and time to yourself.It really is so so important ;)
I can’t believe I never suggested that book!! I loved it for all the same reasons you mentioned.
I remember changes in my baby’s sleeping preferences around 4 months as well. He napped on our bed and we co-slept at night. Sounds very similar to Kate. He was 11 months before he transitioned to his own bed (next to ours)and started ‘sleeping through’.
I am a very strong believer in ‘no-cry’ solutions. It has worked brilliantly for us. Our son has just moved into his own room (17 months), sleeps 12-13 hours over night, happily goes to bed and puts himself to sleep. I put this down to patience and gentle methods/suggestions from this book you have mentioned.
I also can’t believe Kate is 4 months already. The months just fly by.
Yup.. changes around 4 mos here too. And E nursed to sleep a LOT until later. It was around 3.5 to 4 mos that he started falling asleep without nursing more consistently. I did pretty much ALL the things you’re doing, and E matured into his sleep and did well. He’s now at the point where he falls asleep on his own just fine as long as nothing’s wrong. If he’s really crying, then something’s wrong, and we try to fix it. If he’s just complaining a little, he falls asleep within 10 minutes or so. He almost never nurses or drinks his bottle to sleep anymore. Now he eats and then wants his bedtime story. (He leans over the side of the rocking chair where the books are and reaches for them until I read him a couple.) He also only wakes in the night if something disturbs him or he’s going through a growth spurt. He started getting a LOT better at 5 months, though it still wasn’t super consistent. By 8 mos, his naps were pretty routine and lasted 1-3 hours, he went to sleep fine at night and slept through (for him 8 hrs, then up for some food, then back to sleep for another 2 or 3 hours). So I think we’re ok. :)
He also sleeps in the crib on his own every night and for all naps now. He gets too antsy and uncomfortable in bed with me and tends to kick me a lot. She’ll let you know. :) If he’s comfy with me, I know something’s wrong, and I allow him to stay there.
I wish our library had this book! They only have the toddler one (although, come to think of it, my son’s a toddler now, so I should probably read it). For some reason I was too cheap to buy the baby version, or I was afraid it wouldn’t be helpful. But this sounds great!