I am very thankful for this lovely new smartphone I have because it looks like I still won’t be ferrying much use of the laptop for a while. I fondly remember how she would sleep against my chest on the boppy pillow, back when she was teenie tiny and her legs didn’t hit the arms. I spent a lot of time writing back then. But now… not so much. But with this phone at least I can sit up in bed (she’s still touching me so therefor it’s acceptable) and Swype away. Well, at least it’s something, right?

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It frequently occurs to me that I am raising not just a child, but a person. It’s do easy in busy life to get caught up in everything and forget the big picture: we brought into this world and actual person, an individual with her own personality, her own desires. (Okay, it’s not that easy to forget with Kate, she’s rather loud with her personality.) I was reminiscing about my childhood, about the vacations we took as a family, about the earliest memories I have of my life, my family. I realized that we are making Kate’s memories right now. One day she’s look back at the photographs and my writing with a whole different perspective. That is so awe-inspiring.

It’s also terrifying. What will she think of me? What will she think of this life we’re giving her? How will she feel about all these memories? Raising a child is so unlike any other experience. The responsibility is huge.

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As Kate sleeps I study her peaceful features. They are unmistakably hers, and yet so different from when she was a newborn. I remember how I would stare at her, convinced that she was perfect at that moment in time, that maybe I wouldn’t feel the same as she grew and changed. As usual, I was wrong. She’s different, fit sure. Beautiful in a different way, but beautiful all the same. I guess mother nature planned ahead and knew what to do to make this parenting thing work.

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Kate has gotten exceedingly vocal in the past few weeks. She no longer goes straight to screaming when she wants something, which is a very pleasant development.

She’s started making a very funny grumbly noise when she’s moderately unhappy and wants me to know it. It kind of sounds like the cross between a groan and a dog growl, but with a vibrate-y oscillation due to her sucking frantically on the pacifier at the same time. Just tonight Den heard her do it and said, “What on earth is that?” It’s really hard not to laugh. It’s her way of warning me that she’s done with whatever she’s doing, but she’s not pissed off. Yet.

She continues to be a very social, smiley baby. She seems to love social interaction, squealing in delight while throwing her arms and legs in the air. She grins ask the time at people, delighting them. And when not interacting she wants to be observing. I can’t carry her against my chest like a normal baby, I have to carry her facing away from me. Everyone comments on how alert and intense she is for only three months old.

Given all of that I am very  grateful that she loves to sleep as much as she does. She has developed a bedtime of around 8pm, any later and she utterly melts down now. (Despite what she may think. This is one case of baby doesn’t know best! She may think she wants to play at 9pm but she is so wrong!) She had ben getting up at 7am for an hour before a nap, but the last several days she’s been sleeping in past 9am – nearly made me late for an appointment today. (I mean, who sets an alarm when you have an infant?!)