Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies » Just once, could I be surprized?

Natalie
From hopeful TTC, through infertility, IVF and the resulting pregnancy, this became a journal through grief and trying again after the loss of our first son, Devin, at 36 weeks. After multiple more IVF cycles we got pregnant with our second child, a little girl born healthy and alive in May of 2010. Our third child, a most unexpected surprise baby girl, was just born in June 2012!

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Just once, could I be surprized?

August 26, 2006 — 8:51 am

I had problems getting to sleep last night, because I was thinking about testing. This morning I woke up all at once, feeling anxious and negative instead of excited and hopeful. I layed there for a while before getting up to test. I grabbed my watch to time it. I puttered around the bathroom as I waited. I’d glance over at the test every 30 seconds or so. One line came up nice and dark. One line.

At this point… I just don’t really believe I’ll ever see a second line – not without something to give me reason to believe it (like doing IUI or something that ups our chances). Month after month, I stare at that test and one line develops. At cycle 10 you’re really thinking, if it didn’t happen the previous 9 months, why would this month be any different? Thankfully, state of mind does not affect the amount of hcg in your urine.

So no more testing for me. I don’t think I’ll be testing early next month either. I’ll just wait, and see if I’m late. At this point I’d be downright shocked to get pregnant. *sigh*

(Oh, and to make me even grumpier – I was so preoccupied with testing this morning that I forgot to take my temp. Gah.)

Comments (1)

One response to “Just once, could I be surprized?”

SaraSP says:

August 27, 2006 at 5:04 pm

Grrr…it can be so frustrating! It’s only been 6 cycles for me so far, but I am sure if I do actually see a second line, my first thought will be that the stick is defective. I always say I’ll just wait next cycle until I’m late — haven’t managed to hold myself back yet! Hope you get a surprise next cycle!