4 days old
I have sat down to finish this about 20 times. And it’s not that I don’t have the time, but I keep getting distracted with emails, photo editing, forums, etc etc. So much to say, so many places to post, so many people to thank! We both read all the comments left here and everywhere else and we are so very overwhelmed by everyone’s celebration at her birth.
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Oh my gosh, I have so much to say. I want to write it all down so I don’t forget anything! But I keep finding myself staring at the baby sleeping on my lap rather than writing. This is, quite simply, the most amazing thing I have done in my entire life. I look back at the last 4 and a half years and can say, yes, it was all worth it. I look at my daughter and I just am overwhelmed with love.
First, the update on me.
Mentally I am doing wonderfully. People were right – once I got home it started feeling more real, like she really was ours. I started feeling something more than shock when I looked at her face. Suddenly the little faces she makes when she’s waking up are by far the cutest thing in the whole entire world. All I want to do is give her forehead little kisses. Her squeaks and grunts are just heavenly. Den and I just sit and stare at her sometimes – we are so glad we have a video camera! But then the thought occurs to me: she’s going to grow up way too fast. I desperately want to freeze time. I want her to stay my little 7lb newborn baby forever, and I get freaked out at the thought of her not staying this way. Yes, I want to see her personality, I want to watch her learn and grow, but oh, her little feet and her little hands… her little head with soft little hair.
Physically, let’s see. I did get a bunch of stitches – I don’t know how many, though they said it “wasn’t bad.” I tore in the same place as last time, though with Devin I had only one stitch. This one was definitely more than that – the one downside to pushing for only a few minutes. However, it’s not stinging like I remember it doing last time. I’m using the squirt bottle and the witch hazel pad things they gave me and it’s more just a little uncomfortable. Although I did realize yesterday that being on my feet for any extended periods makes it all ache more!
My milk came in on Monday, 2 days after birth. She hadn’t had any poopy diapers since coming home from the hospital so we were getting a little concerned (the visiting nurse, however, was not!), but then that milk came in and problem solved!! Kate loves the boob. I know that she’s nursing to eat and to soothe, but at this point I don’t really want to introduce a pacifier, though I’m open to the idea and have some just in case. But we just know that if she’s upset (like from being stripped naked from a messy diaper change) then I just need to nurse her and she falls right asleep. As far as feeding, she’s obviously doing really well. I can even feel my breasts being drained as she eats – a very strange sensation! I’ve also started leaking a bit from the opposite breast when she’s nursing. The whole “breastfeeding doesn’t hurt if you’re doing it right” thing – so not true. Granted it’s not a horrible painful thing, not unless she’s latched wrong (which she still does, and that makes me yelp!), but my nipples are definitely sore… some cracking, some blistering. I have to be very diligent about getting her latched on correctly – I have to manually flare her lips out after she’s on, she likes to suck them inwards – but I had the LC check it out while I was in the hospital and she said it’s pretty much correct. I did notice that she was far rougher on my nipples before my milk came in – her tongue was squashing them so hard trying to get something more out of them. Now that milk is flowing she’s gentler, and I appreciate it! The engorgement, now… that’s my biggest pain! My boobs did not grow at all while I was pregnant, but when my milk came in, whoosh. Today has been pretty bad, I made the mistake of interrupting one of her feedings (since we were out), and I paid for it. I’m still hurting pretty bad. Thankfully I do have a nice little vacuum extractor on hand… but I just need to wait for her to wake up!
Also, Kate is only 4 days old and I’ve already nursed in front of a ton of people. LOL! Beyond my nurses and the LC in the hospital there’s been Den’s step-sister who happened to drop in right when Kate was screaming for the boob and we basically said, “As long as it doesn’t bother you, she needs to eat!”; there was a doctor who knows Den who dropped in while I was nursing; the home visit nurse arrived during mealtime, I was going to pull her off but we just sat and went through all the paperwork while Kate ate; and I nursed her in the pediatrician’s office in front of the ped, because I couldn’t hear him over her screaming. So mostly doctors and nurses who probably have seen a ton of boobs in their careers, but still strangers to me. It’s kind of weird to be holding a conversation at the same time, but you know…. I just don’t care really. I love it being treated like a normal situation, just going on about stuff while my baby eats. Then when we’re done she’s in a much better mood!
We are indeed doing cloth diapers and right now my biggest annoyance is that even the x-smalls I have are pretty huge on her. We’re doing prefolds and covers, which seems to be working just fine. I have an assortment of different styles of covers, some fit her better than others. The Thirsties are way too big right now and don’t work well with her umbilical cord stump, but I think they’re going to be fantastic when she grows into them. My favorites are the ProRap classics – they have the umbilical scoop, which actually does work – and the Imse Vimse soft cover, because they have a huge soft velcro across the top so I can fold them down to make them fit her better. Den and I both have different methods of changing her (what wipes we use, what order we do things in, how we fold things, etc), but both seem to work just fine. And to be perfectly honest he changes her way more than I do. I feed her, which takes a while, then if she’s fussing and needs changing he’ll take her so I can go to the bathroom, take a shower, eat, whatever. The cloth is working out fine. In her room we have a white garbage bin with a lid, and a waterproof, washable liner inside. We toss all the dirty laundry in there. And we’re finding with the breastfeeding even the poops don’t smell – I am not kidding. I thought people were lying when they said that. Every two days we take that liner out and dump the whole thing into the washing machine. Even Den doesn’t have a problem with it, and that’s pretty impressive.
The pets are doing really really well. When we got home Sunday evening Zeeke was an issue – the cats and Zoe were like, “WTF is this? And where’s my food?” Zeeke, our shepherd, was SO EXCITED we were home he was kind of spastic. He wanted to check the baby over – which is fine, but he’s 95 lbs and was hopping around and barking and just… no. Den and I both worried that he would never calm down, and we just couldn’t deal with that. But the next morning brought a much calmer dog. I think most of his craziness was because he’d been left home for a few days – Den would come home to walk them and feed them and everything, but he was SO excited that we were both *home*. In any case, once he was over that he’s actually done a lot better than we expected. Zeeke wants to sniff her all over, he follows us around and lays at our feet. But he seems to recognize that she’s a baby, he’s been quite gentle (with frequent reminders). Zoe is, as expected, happy to keep her distance from the new, strange thing. And the cats, once they checked her out, have decided that she is a non-issue, except that she tends to take up our laps. I’ve gotten a couple of dirty looks from Jo when he’s tried jumping up onto my lap onto to discover that it is occupied!
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So far life honestly feels very normal. I don’t know, I guess we expected life to be dramatically different, but instead it feels more like… our life, with a baby. Especially since Kate is a fantastic sleeper – she’ll sleep through the TV, loud conversations, the vacuum cleaner, even the dog barking several feet away. So we make no effort to be quiet while she’s sleeping. She’ll just zonk out on our lap or chest or in her swing and then she’s out for a good 3 hours. So we’ve spent a lot of time watching TV, cleaning things up, surfing the internet and forums. Granted I do spend a lot of time nursing – during which I can do small things on the computer but it’s entirely frustrating to type one-handed!
I’m waking up every few hours at night – which isn’t much different from when I was pregnant, except that I get to nurse my adorable little baby and stare at her for a while instead of just having to stagger to the bathroom and pee. I’ve figured out how to nurse laying on my side (though it’s a bit harder to get her latched correctly), which is definitely much nicer than having to get up or prop myself up with a million pillows. I’ve been letting Den sleep through the night while I get up to nurse and change her and go back to sleep. I have learned many times in the past that I do absolutely fine with getting broken sleep, plus I can easily nap during the day if I need to. Denis doesn’t. If he doesn’t get a somewhat decent night’s sleep he’s utterly useless during the day, which just serves to irritate me. And considering he has been absolutely awesome I figure it’s all I can do to help things go smoothly!
I’ve heard so many times about how parenthood stresses your relationship, but we feel so close. I guess we’re just sharing in this complete joy together. We’re both new at this parenting thing, so we’re both just figuring this out together. Trial and error in the little things. He’s been super supportive during labor, of breastfeeding, of cloth diapering… and I don’t mean just in agreeing to go with it, but he’s just a fantastic partner and support. I love watching him with his daughter – he’s utterly bursting with joy. And every time I look at him I think how amazing it is that he and I persisted through all of our challenges and somehow managed to make this beautiful baby… that she’s all ours, his and mine together.
She is so beautiful. This journey is so amazing. Thanks for letting us be a part of it.
She is beyond LOVELY. I agree with KC above… thanks for sharing your journey with us. :)
Oh, Natalie…she is just beautiful. Thanks for sharing pictures of your gorgeous girl.
Re breastfeeding, I’m so glad it’s going well! I nursed my son for 17 months and it was the most wonderful experience of my life. It is tough at first as it can be painful, but the cracking/blistering/scabbing will be gone in no time. Her latch will become automatic, perfect, and you will reach a point where you won’t even think about it anymore. The ouchiness in the beginning is so worth it…not only for the mom/baby bonding but for their health. My son is now 18 months and has been sick once (a cold) and has never had an ear infection! I attribute it to nursing!
Your joy is so apparent in your words and tone. I am so happy for you!!!
SHe is the most beautiful little girl. SO happy for you and your joy. Gives me great hope. Kappy
You sound like you’re doing great!
We had the exact same routine with Oscar regarding cloth diapers. The only difference now is that we plop the solids in the toilet (TMI, I know). We are still going strong at 15 months! You are right, you will come to love the Thirsties. Also, it gets MUCH easier once that umbilical cord stump falls off.
I really suffered with breastfeeding for the first three months, but after that it was a dream and I’m so glad I stuck with it.
Feel free to email me at alittlesandy@gmail.com or tweet me at @alittlesandy if you have any questions or need to just talk to someone who does BF and cloth.
Ow. That last picture is so cute, it’s physically painful.
Sounds like you are doing fabulous, I knew you would but it is fabulous to hear things going smoothly after what a long non relaxing journey of making this little one. ;)
Ps the last pic especially has melterized my heart hehe
Oh my, that last picture little Kate is your twin Natalie. She’s precious!!
Every bit of her is lovely and wonderful!
Yaaaay an update! You literally have me crying again with every new one – the abundance of joy radiates from your words and it is beyond touching.
Little Kate is absolutely adorable. Those pictures! *gushes*
Yeah, if a couple share in the ‘chores’, it does tend to keep one or the other from feeling overly neglected. :) Buuut I won’t bore you with advice and opinions – you probably know where to poke me if you want to gabber, though. :)
Natalie, she is just beautiful! :)
I am so happy to read that breastfeeding is going well and the cloth too. :) It took 3 weeks for all the cracks and blistering to clear up for me. Painful, but so worth getting through it.
I am still doing both 14 months down the track, but would love to be back in the world of breastmilk poop ;)
Thank you for sharing your story and your photos.
The nappies (er, diapers, I’m Australian!) will get better as she grows. We found most were too big on our almost nine pound son a few months back. They get better when their little legs chub up. We don’t have any problems at all now. Love using them. He’s never had nappy rash at all.
Her latch will also improve. We had a very rocky start an I don’t think we really hit our straps until he was 8 weeks old, but you just have to tough it out. When her little mouth grows, she’ll get a bigger, wider mouth and as a result, better attachment. It is all so much fun figuring it out though, learning as you go along. Especially after all we have been through.
So glad you finally reached this point, Natalie.
OMG, she is sooooo adorable! So happy for you guys.
You sound like you guys have got into the swing of things so well.
Congratulations!!
x
I’ve been stalking your blog waiting for an update. LOL!
I’m so glad to hear you and Den are settling in and all is going well. I’m over the moon excited for you. I totally agree with you about letting your husband sleep – I do the same with mine. Plus, with nursing there is not a whole lot he could do anyway.
I agree with everything Elise said about BFing. Your milk supply will adjust in a few weeks and you won’t feel so engorged. I was back to sleeping on my stomach within two weeks of my milk coming in.
She is just breath taking, Nat. Don’t you just love how they sleep with there tiny hands up by their face?!
I am just so loving hearing your awesome stories and feeling the ‘love’ it is amazing.
On this: I’ve heard so many times about how parenthood stresses your relationship: – Dan and I didn’t have problems until she was older and needed discipline – THEN we started having issues. LOL – manageable – but a pain sometimes.
You guys are fantastic parents.
she’s beautiful natalie! congratulations.
I agree with other commenters in that after a while your milk supply will even out and you’ll wonder what all the fuss was about. just keep nursing her everywhere when she’s hungry and you’ll be good to go.
And, keep staring at her. :)
Hiya Natalie,
Just wanted to say I have been a long time reader of your blog and am so so thrilled for you- your little girl is absolutely beautiful! It was wonderful reading your posts about her arrival. Thankyou for sharing your story with us, you have touched many people.
Well done on b’feeding- it’s not always as easy as we can be led to believe- I was never able to successfully but became very adept at using my electric pump.
As Jen said, you are fantastic parents :)
Oh wow, she’s so beautiful! I’m so happy for you both :)
She is an absolute beauty.
You are Den seem to be doing such a beautiful job of being her mom and dad.
I think I am living vicariously through your first steps into parenting–it is such an amazing journey you are on!
I love those photos, especially the wide eyed one!
She is so adorably sweet! Congratulations! Enjoy every minute with her.
She is absolutely beautiful. :)
She is a beautiful, beautiful baby!!! And so glad to hear things are going so well!
I am ecstatically happy for you guys. Seriously. I am grinning. So glad to read this update. She is so beautiful! Also really happy to hear the cloth diapers are working out for you. I hope to use them too when I have kids.
Awwww Nat!! She´s absolutely beautiful!!! <3
Breastfeeding certainly *does* hurt for the first couple of weeks.It doesnt matter how great they latch,your nipples still have to get used to being constantly damp and bieng sucked on! lol
I didnt even wear a bra for the first month.I couldent handle anything rubbing my nipples (and Noe was a pro nurser right from the start)..also,being as I fed on demand and didnt use a pacifier,I was nursing so often that I didnt even feel that covering my breasts was worth the trouble lol
As for NIP,dont even think about it girl ;) Do it when and where you need to and try not to think about what others think.You will find that nursing a baby in public is a breeze compared to doing it when they get a little older and are more aware of their surroundings lol.
I still NIP and Noelia is 2 years old.It becomes super easy after the first few tries ;)
It sounds like you are enjoying this sooooo much!! and just wait..because it gets cuter and cuter by the day.Once they start to do little things like smile,laugh,say “mama” etc…
You have SO much to look forward to..dont worry,you wont miss this stage,because every new one is just as fun (if not more as they grow).
Much love to you and your little family!!!!!
Gina
x
You have such a good support base, here Natalie! The BFing may hurt for the next 2 to 6 weeks until you both get better at it and her mouth grows. Anyone who said it doesn’t hurt if you are doing it right is a big, fat LIAR. It is WONDERFUL that you can do it laying down! That will come in so handy. The CD’s will fit better when she gets to be 9 lbs or so. It’s funny, when figuring out the BFing thing, I did the same thing..sat around topless in front of all my family members. Bless them, even my dad had no problems with it. It’s too hard right now to worry about covering up. And I nursed in front of every doc we saw (and we saw a lot in the beginning..she had hip dysplasia). Be careful with the cracks on the nipples..use the lanolin and sunlight to help them heal. They make you vulnerable to yeast infections. Yeast in the milk ducts is no fun. Once we got over the yeast (all purpose nipple cream and diflucan and gentian violet) it got easier and easier and was soon pain-free. We are still nursing at 17 months, and it was 100% worth the hardships in the beginning. Congratulations again to you three!
She is just so gorgeous, and I am so happy for you both. Thanks so much for sharing with us. It is so encouraging.
Still so excited to read any post from you about Kate and your first few days with her. I remember those days so fondly….it really is just a little slice of heaven here on earth. I know Devin is watching over all of you with a hug big brother smile.
Breast feeding sounds like you are actually doing GREAT!!! It really can be challenging but it sounds like you are just working through some of the common start up issues. And so glad to hear you are cloth diapering. We cloth diaper our son…but didn’t start until he was over a year (just didn’t really occur to me that there were awesome cloth solutions out there). But..we have another baby coming in Nov and I plan to start cloth again…although I have never done it with a newborn. I was thinking I would just do sposies for the 1st two weeks since all my cloth are the one size and I just don’t think they would fold down to nb size…but the prefolds and covers would probably work great for those first weeks. I think I will try it.
Den sounds wonderful and very much like my own DH. And yes…we actually found our marriage strengthened when William was born and has continued to do so since then. I think when you struggle to have children (and we are older also …in our 40’s)…your perspective is just a bit different and every day you are reminded of your blessings. It really is a very powerful bonding experience. I’m glad to hear it is the same for you and Den as it has been for me and Wes.
Congrats again. Take lots of photos and kiss her up all you want!
kd
Natalie, I just wanted to say how utterly thrilled for you I am. Kate is too gorgeous for words. I would have posted sooner but my own “rainbow” baby came home with us a month ago, and has been keeping me a bit busy :) So we have both made it to the other side now. Amazing.
Oh, look at her big blue eyes!! I am so happy you two are enjoying this time with little Kate! I still cannot express my joy for the both of you!
I have tears in my eyes. She is gorgeous!
I haven’t read through the comments, but if no one has suggested it yet, Earth Mama Angel Baby Nipple Butter was a lifesaver for me in those early days. It’s all natural and not animal-derived and doesn’t have to be wiped off before she eats again.
So glad that you’re getting rest and lots of support and that you have your precious baby to stare at and hold and kiss all day and all night long.
She’s lovely. Enjoy all these precious first days and beyond.
Lovely and Brilliant
She is absolutely beautiful…I can’t express just how happy I am for you all!
So beautiful!! Amazing . . . *sigh*
I found that learning to nurse laying down took some practice. It got easier when I practiced in the daytime when I could see my dd better and I was actually awake.
That is so cool that you are using cloth diapers, I must have missed that. Do you have Thirsties XS or the Duo one? I was hoping they would be small enough for a newborn whenever I have another child.
Leslie – Surprizingly I didn’t find side-lying to be too difficult! Kate and I both do well and take nice little naps.
We have the Thirsties XS. We do still use them when we run out of the other covers I have, so it’s not that you can’t make them work. They’re just a little bigger than I would prefer, a little more awkward.