Planning for success
I am planning a natural birth… by which I mean I intend to wait until my body goes into labor, not be given pitocin to augment contractions, and not have any kind of pain medications including analgesics (stadol, demorol – given through IV) or an epidural. Naturally when I mention this to people I get some strange looks and comments. I am also planning this natural birth in a hospital. This too gets some comments, coming from the other side of the aisle – many (but not all) of the community of natural birth advocates are very pro-homebirth. (Though I’ll mention that my midwives and hospital are very supportive, encouraging eating and drinking in labor, providing a birth ball and squat bar, and other very helpful measures.)
I started planning for a natural birth when I was pregnant with Devin. I read a lot, I took a Bradley class, I practiced relaxation techniques. But then he died. I was induced (with cytotec, not pitocin) – my choice, as they gave me the option of waiting for labor (a thought I could not handle, knowing my baby was already dead). I ended up getting half a natural birth: I was induced with the cytotec, I asked for a pain medication in early labor (because of my emotional state, not because it hurt too much). The medication wore off within an hour and I had nothing else in my system through hard labor, transition, pushing and delivery. You can read the full birth story here, if you are interested. But what matters now is that I know I can do it – and it wasn’t that bad. The pain of labor was nothing like the pain of an injury. It was just so different.
There are many reasons I have decided to go this route again, some of which are kind of silly/personal, some of which medical. But what it really boils down to is that I see labor and birth as a natural, normal, wonderful thing. Women have given birth for as long as there have been humans, and it really is such a miracle that our bodies are built this way. I believe that my body can do this, because that’s the way it’s designed to work. And I believe that our bodies work best with minimal interference – once you start adding medications and synthetic hormones to the mix it can start to mess with the carefully calibrated efforts of your body. So why not just let it be, to let it do what it knows how to do.
Of course I realize that it doesn’t always go as planned. We are, needless to say, slightly more skittish about this whole pregnancy/birth/baby thing than we were the first time around, having already had one baby die on us – this is the reason we both feel safer in the hospital, just in case. Even in homebirths, the midwife is there to guide, help, and be on the lookout for serious problems – there is always a chance of a transfer to a hospital for interventions. There are serious problems that can occur during labor, though they are thankfully very rare. Thankfully there is medical and surgical means to deal with those emergencies. If a problem occurs, then there is something to fall back on. But to me that’s a safety net, a just-in-case.
Not everyone sees labor the way I do, and that is fine. Many people are aiming straight for the epidural, and labor is just something that must be done in order to bring home the baby. Many people don’t really enjoy pregnancy, either. But to me, pregnancy is absolutely wonderful, and labor is a gift. I want to experience it. I am not afraid of the pain – respectful of it, absolutely… but not afraid. It is going to be very hard work, but work I am willing and eager to take on.
I see it as a marathon, or a big football game. It will be extremely physically taxing – it will be a challenge. Of course you know that you may not win, you know that no matter how much you prepare it’s never going to go exactly how you planned it. But you don’t sit around saying, “Well, it probably won’t work out anyways. I can always quit halfway through.” Those aren’t the people who succeed. You have to dedicate yourself to it, prepare yourself for it as best you can. You tell yourself you can do it. You arm yourself with skills and knowledge, knowing that anything could happen in the middle of the game. And then you go in and give it your all. Then, win or lose, you can walk away knowing you gave it your best.
For birth of course the true “win” is bringing home a live, healthy baby. That is, above and beyond everything else, the most important thing. I know too well. If my midwives – whom I trust – tell me that something is wrong, that the baby is in danger, then I will drop everything to do whatever it takes to get her out safely. But if everything looks good and she is healthy, then I plan to enjoy my labor, to cherish it, to experience it. If I have learned anything from our loss it is that anything can happen at any time – but you can’t live your life always preparing for the worst. You miss out on too much along the way.
I admire your attitude and readiness to take this on. I am polar opposite of you and will never feel a contraction as long as I live. tee hee! Everybody gets to choose their own method. I wish you a short and blessed labor and delivery of your dear Kate. For me…I will schedule my c-section, arrive on time and feel nothing but the prick of a little needle in my back! But….our goal is the same…bring home a healthy baby. The journey for each is individual and special in its own way. I once longed for that all natural birth and helped several friends through them as the coach. I was not afraid….but after a breech baby and a c-section…I pretty much lost the desire and just turn to the last page of the book now. Now if only I could find a way to not have to suffer through pregnancy….I love many things about it…but mostly it is so very uncomfortable and painful for me. And it is worrisome. I don’t know how you do it. My losses were all very early, once I surpasses that “loss date” I always felt better. Having to wait almost 36 weeks for that ability to exhale may have just killed me. You are a strong woman and Kate is lucky to have her as her mommy. Good luck in the next few weeks.
kd
Absolutely amazing entry and one that deserves a hell yeah.
I think it is wonderful that you are planning everything out and making your decisions! You are 100% correct. No one who goes into it with the attitude of “well we’ll see how it goes without drugs” makes it through without them. Being determined (or knowing there is no drug option as women who delivered at home centuries ago) is the one thing that gets you through a natural delivery, I’d imagine. I will also expound on that to say that breastfeeding is the same way. The more determined you are, the more likely you are to succeed. I had dreams of an all-natural childbirth and was determined never to give my baby formula. Instead, Lizzy was frank breech, and I could not find a doctor that would turn her. So planned c-section it was. I spent weeks mourning this. I did all the flashlight tricks, turning upside down, etc. I finally accepted it after I had the thought that if she were supposed to turn, my body would have done it. She’d have done it. So for some reason, she wasn’t supposed to. So plan B was to have as good a birth experience as I could with the c-section. And I recovered without any pain meds stronger than 800 mg of motrin (twice after delivery). It was a wonderful experience. I still saw her immediately, touched her, held her. As soon as they stitched me up, I went to recovery and 5 minutes later (a total of 20 mintues since delivery) they brought her to me to breastfeed. I had no problems with milk coming in..it came in at the end of the next day. She was still alert when I fed her that first time. I was very clear with the hospital that I wanted her ASAP if she required no medical intervention. That said, breastfeeding was still hard. And then i experienced PPD. And I didn’t want to take any meds to treat the depression. I nursed her through cracked nipples, yeast, and vasospasms. Where was my joyous, wonderful breastfeeding experience?? it didn’t come until much, much later and no one told me this. I’m still nursing and she’s never had formula (16 months). But the pressure I put on myself to breastfeed I think contributed to the PPD (and I also wonder if the c-section did too…certainly the hip dysplasia from being frank breech and her having to wear a pavlik harness for 3 months may have been a factor ). So, grit and determination do lead to success. But for me, it also set me up for a lot of anxiety and a fear of failure when things didn’t turn out as I hoped for or expected or read about (the c-section, the difficult breastfeeding experience). It took me a long time to learn not to be too hard on myself when things didn’t go as I’d dreamed and hoped for. But I got there.
I can’t wait to read about your experience!! Oh, and I rented some really cheesy dvd’s from netflix on yoga for laboring women. it had instructions for dads too. you may want to check those out if you haven’t already. of course, you’ve done this before, so you may not need it. but there are good demonstrations of the techniques to ease back labor, including using a tennis ball.
here’s a link to the first disc. There’s a second one as well: http://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/Rocki_s_Prenatal_Yoga_Vol._2_Labor_Preparation_1/70028243?strackid=1c15e046a3d080f8_0_srl&strkid=1958114486_0_0&trkid=438381
I admire that you are going for all natural childbirth and fully believe that you will do it!
Nat,I totally admire you!!! :)
I had an emergency c-section with my first and with my daughters,I demanded the epidural the moment I got through the hospital doors even though I had talked about not taking anything…
I admit I do not handle pain well.I had back labours which meant no position felt good/comfortable,and with my last pregnancy,I had severe SPD (I was on crutches) so without an epidural,I was unable to lay on my back or spread my legs which is why it was placed even before I reached 2cm dialted.
I have watched natural births online and read natural birth stories and you know what?,I envy those women..the ones that were strong and brave enough to go through something like that with nothing but their own inner strength to get them through it.
You did it once and you will certainly be able to do it again ;)
I hope your labour and birth is everything you are expecting and hoping for.You are amazing!!!
You can do it! I went in planning for a natural birth, but started begging for drugs during transition. They checked me before starting an IV, and I was fully dialated! I went from 3 cm to 10 in about 45 minutes so no wonder I was going crazy!
But afterwards I was soooo glad I didn’t get any drugs. I felt so strong and empowered. And not tired at all.
Natalie, so sorry to go on and on about my experience! I re-read it and i hope it in no way seems unsupportive. I just mourned not being able to do it the way I wanted. I totally understand your desire, and I just know you will do great and it will be wonderful!
I believe that you can do this. I had 4 natural childbirths, 2 with pitocin, one due to pre-eclampcia and the other due to being 42 plus weeks. That baby was 9 pounds and was also OP or sunny side up. He did not turn during labor but most babies do, I know as I am a labor and delivery nurse. The stats are that about 1/3 of babies come in forward facing, according to ultrasound studies but only 8 to 12 percent are born that way, and some of those babies were not forward facing when their mothers were admitted for labor.
I actually read that on a study and my experience has found that to be accurate, many babies turn on their own, if membranes are not ruptured prematurely and women are not induced before their time.
Pushing may be longer, but ask your midwife if she is experienced in different positions for helping the baby to turn while you labor, most are and she will remind you to shift and turn from side to side, thus helping the baby to rotate while you labor. Also you will most likely feel most comfortable sitting straight up or leaning over, while contracting, thus getting the babies weight off of your spine while you are having a contraction, this will also help the baby to rotate. I suggest using the bedside table ( over the bed ) and sitting up tall, in a crosslegged position with your hands braced outward supported on the table. This opens your abdomen and ribcage during a contraction while letting you bow out your back. It greatly releases the pain that you may feel during a contraction.
I think that you have a great attitude and that helps so much, trust in yourself and your body, you can do this.
Natalie, I think it’s great to read about someone wanting a natural birth. I had a similar experience to fiddle1 (breech, c-sect) after doing a calmbirth class and preparing for months, my son flipped at around 35 weeks. I did everything I could from spinning babies, tried acupuncture etc. I mourned the loss of that natural birth and 13 months later, it still upsets me at times but I am as at peace with it now as I will ever be. What has helped a little is to have been successful in everything I wanted to do with my son since he arrived (breastfed and still going, baby led solids, co-sleeping, full time cloth nappies and he is happy and healthy which is the most important thing)
I haven’t been able to speak to anyone IRL about my feelings of missing out on that birth, because they don’t understand. They all focus on the pain, the negative side of it, and why would I want to go through that. It’s supposed to be a natural event and I am surprised there aren’t more people out there trying to achieve it.
I wish you all the best for a natural, empowering, amazing birth but mainly that Kate arrives safely into your little family. :)
Nat, you amaze me. You have had an amazingly different attitude through this pregnancy than I did with Erin. Maybe it’s because of all you’ve gone through to get here in the first place. I envy your pregnancy attitude. I can’t wait to here Kate’s birth story and reading about your success.
You can and will be able to do it! I had to have pitocin, due to not progressing past 4 cm despite the fact that my water had broken, but beyond that I made it with nothing more than a good doula. I took the same route as you – natural birth (well, other than the pitocin) in a hospital. We had very supportive nurses who actually helped my doula see me through transition, during which I really did think about asking for drugs – they kept saying we’ll just wait one more contraction before checking you, which I later discovered was deliberate to help make sure I made it without the drugs. I’m so excited to read your next birth story!
Delurking to say, go for it, and attitude is soooo important.
I had my 4 babies at home, but I did use a birthing pool for all of them a bit of gas and air (entinox ??) for 3 of them.
The midwife forgot the gas and air for my DD and when I realised this well into the labour I “Lost it” for about 5 minutes. A boy did those contractions hurt !!!, but then once I thought ” this it it, just get on with it” the pain virtually went away. All that had cahnged was was attitude. Mnd over matter a very powerful thing.
Last baby was 9lb 11oz, I am 5 foot 4 inches tall, 120lb (not pregnant), and I believe that because I was relaxed , confident that I “could do this” it was remarkably “easy”.
Of course my labours were straight forward, it would have been flashing lights at CS if required.
Have you thought of a tenns machine ? great to just take that sharpness of the contractions and becuase it only uses your body’s own endorphins perfectly safe for mum and baby.
If things do turn out differently , then , as you have said youself, a good birth is one where mum and baby come out ok, but aim for the stars !!
P.S.
If you haven’t already read it , Dooce.com had a natural birth and her account is wonderful.
http://www.dooce.com/2009/07/13/labor-story-part-one
http://www.dooce.com/2009/07/27/labor-story-part-two
http://www.dooce.com/2009/08/04/labor-story-part-three
Good luck to you Natalie. It sounds like you have the perfect attitude to this. You seem to realize that it may not work out like that, but that it won’t make you a failure. I think we set ourselves up for massive disappointement and guilt sometimes with the pressure we put on ourselves, but it really looks like you have adopted a mindset that will carry you through whatever way things work out.
I’m really happy I didn’t have an epidural (my hospital doesn’t routinely offer them so I was unlikely to be able to have one even if I’d asked ), but I hope I wouldn’t have felt bad if I *had* had one. And I wish you the very same thing.
Oh and I absolutely agree about having the most natural birth possible in the safest place possible — the hospital. I think it’s fair enough that some women want homebirths, but I can’t quite understand it, and it’s certainly not for me. There has never been a safer time to have a baby than today, but you have to actually be able to access all of that technology and know-how immediately if you want to benefit from it.
Good luck!
I’ve been holding out on saying this, but your wonderful entry gives me the courage! I’m currently 14 weeks pregnant, and have been very adamant from the beginning that I was going to do this naturally, in a hospital. Everyone I have spoken to about it (sans my hubby and midwife) calls me crazy, laughs at me, or says insensitive things like, “You’ll see.” I’ll see what? That intervention on top of intervention actually isn’t GOOD for your body? My sisters-in-law, my friends, all seem to think that epidurals and pitocin is the only way to have a baby. It really saddens me that so many women don’t have faith in their ability to natural birth, yet I know we all are entitled to our choices.
It’s so empowering to read your blog, knowing what a strong incredible person you are, and seeing my own views and hopes and dreams reflected in your words. Thank you for sharing such a positive and uplifiting entry. I look forward to reading your next birth story! <3
I think you’ll do just fine, m’dear, I think you’ll do just fine. :) You’ve got a wonderful attitude about it, you know you -can- do it, and as you said – it IS a natural wonderful thingie-ma-bob. :)
Amber,I just wanted to mention that having an epidural doesnt automatically mean you will also have pitocin ;)
I got the epidural with my last 2 labours and they were placed very early on in labour (before I was even 3cm),yet I never needed pitocin.Pitocin was actually not even an option (after all Id heard about it,I was so scared,so I mentioned it and the midwife was even shocked that I knew what it was lol.They dont use it here).
The only intervention some women get is the epidural and in my case it was beneficial because with my last labour,I had severe SPD and I wouldent have been able to lay on my back or open my legs without it (I was to stiff and it was to painful).
For some women (myself included) the epidural actually speeds labour up,because they are able to relax instead of tensing up and fighting their own body kwim? My labours were always 6 to 7 hours long from start to finish-no pitocin.
It also doesnt mean “floppy babies” lol.Both of my girls were born with their eyes wide open and alert,and both were able to BF/FF (in the case of my older daughter) as soon as they were weighed and cleaned up.
I just wanted to clear this up because the epidural isnt some evil drug that has awful effects on the natural process of labour and then on our babies,because it certainly doesnt ;)
I loved it.It enabled me to completely relax,breathe,pay more attention to what was going on and soak up everything that happened that day…I chatted with DH,played board games,ate here and there etc
To me,it was amazing :)