His and Hers
Kate’s room is getting close to completion. We still have to paint the border stripe on the walls (I am in charge of taping the straight line; DH will paint it) and then we are done with the painting. We have moved a few things into the room even without that one thing done: a bookcase, an area rug (newly purchased), and just yesterday Denis put together the dresser that was delivered. We started with a really fugly old room with dark paneling. I really couldn’t picture a child even being in there. Now it’s completely different – it’s so light and bright and girly. I told Den that I like to just go in there and sit or stand in the middle of the room. He admitted that he does the same thing.
We are still continuing to move things back into the house little bits at a time, with the agreement that we’re going to sort through things first and find an actual place for everything. Our house looks a lot cleaner, a lot less cluttered. (Our garage and breezeway, not so much.) Today Den said, “We still have all those baby things in the garage, you know.” The pile of Devin’s baby gear: the mattress, the cosleeper, the carseat, the pack’n’play. All the things we got at his shower and never got around to even pulling out of the boxes. We had lots of time left. We didn’t have his room done. So it sat in boxes… until he died. Then it all got moved to the corner of the garage and waited.
With the room mostly done we can finally start bringing those things in. Today Den rummaged around out there and came in with the car seat. We opened the box and pulled it out, then we both stood and stared at it for a moment. “I’d feel better if this time we actually got everything ready,” he said quietly. I fully agreed. I felt so guilty when Devin died that we hadn’t been ready for him, and so horribly sad that so much of his I never got to experience in joyful anticipation, only sadness – things like putting the carseat in, like setting up his crib. So today, today we took that car seat outside and said, “This is hers now.” And we put it in my car. Today I got to look at it with joyful anticipation, the way I should have two years ago. It feels so damn good.
I’m glad.
Did you get my email about the alphabet for Kate’s room?
Whoops, yes, and I forgot to send a reply…
I’m so so glad.
Its a good feeling to get those things ready. I wouldn’t mind seeing pictures of Kate’s room…
I’m glad you are embracing the “prep” activities for Kate. It really is so joyful to live in those moments. I remember standing in my son’s room before he was born and just loving the feeling of preparing for him. Other than nurturing my body with him in it…it is yet another way to start showing your love and being a parent. I’m glad you are enjoying this phase. I have a very good friend who had a stillborn and she was so fearful to set up anything when pregnant with her 2nd child. I think being hopeful and enjoying this time is the best thing you can do for Kate.
kd
I can’t wait til you post a picture of Kate sleeping in her car seat on the way home from the hospital…or even screaming her head off in the car seat on the way home. :)
I’ve been reading your blog for some time, this post is so beautiful. I am very happy for you and for this precious girl that is coming. I have a girl and it is so awesome to have a daughter.
Just thinking about you on the anniversary of your loss … and being so happy for you that this hope is on the horizon. *hug*
So happy for you and Den. I loved standing and admiring my nursery for the first time and sitting in the rocking chair imagining me and my baby snuggling! Hope you had a Happy Easter!
So glad you are doing this and enjoying it!
I was like Karaleen’s friend. I had everything set up for Cora and had a lot that I had to return/take down. I barely did anything in preparation for Erin. I didn’t buy any diapers at all before she was born (I knew the hospital would give me some, so we got some after she came home). I do agree with Karaleen, though. Looking forward with hope is better than doing so with fear, and I know you probably go aback and forth between the two. I can’t wait to see pictures of her in that seat!