(Cross-posted from forum)

13dpo around dinnertime I noticed a heavy crampy feeling in my lower abs. My heart sank. Never a good sign.

Sure enough, 10pm, went to the bathroom and I’ve started red flow.

I’m just SO depressed. What the hell is wrong with us?? 9 perfect cycles, 9 BFNs. I’m 23! I have perfect, 28 day cycles (other than one where O was delayed because of a cold). I have a predictable LP of 13. My TSH level is normal. My weight is healthy – too high for what I would like it, but perfectly healthy all the same. And I can’t seem to make a baby?!

I never thought I would be wanting a baby so freaking bad, and be shot down every time.

DH is making his SA appointment tomorrow. We’re probably going to have to pay for it… but that’s okay. At this point we’d just love some answers. I’m going to wait until 12 months is up before seeing an RE for invasive testing, but that’s not looking all that far away.

My best friend is in the hospital having a baby as I type, and I’m so incredibly happy and excited for her… and at the same time I’m so sad too, because everyone else around me seems to get pregnant without a problem, they’re having babies, complaining about back aches and and nausea, and here I am, to the point of not drinking alchohol, eating all organic – anything to convince my body to function and give me an implanted eggie.

God this sucks so much.